How do I stop thinking so negatively as it is ruining my life?

I

Interesting_Doubt_

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Jan 6, 2019
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#1
I am a male, twenty years old and just started university in September 2018. I have a long history of social anxiety, generalised anxiety and depression, all of these things I have received no help what so ever. Since about May 2018, I have received very intense panic attacks when I am out in public and sometimes even in my own home that I may faint or pass out, when in reality I just feel tired, my brain thinks I am going to pass out which results in me full on panicking. My family have never been helpful towards me and always blamed me for my problems and said I will never change. The two reasons I wanted to move away from home to go to university were to make friends and get a girlfriend, the other being to escape the stresses of my toxic family. After being at university for four months, I have literally isolated myself due to my own fears and anxieties. I made a few friends there but have since isolated myself from them completely. It also frustrated me to see guys a lot less attractive than me get girlfriends just because they were very sociable. Also how confident everyone else was and how they made new friends with ease. Although my social anxiety is nowhere near as bad as it used to be, in some situations it can still be very severe. This isolation and jealousy of other people succeeding in life and me missing out on everything due to my own irrational fears only increased my loneliness. I literally have no human being on this earth no friends no family I can talk to about how I feel and I often feel like if I disappeared tomorrow nobody would miss me or even care. The way things are going now they will never get better and it is very difficult for me to change my thinking, I have tried journalling and writing down my negative thoughts and meditation to ease my anxiety but nothing has worked and I still dwell every day how this start over at university would change my life instantly for the better only to go up there and take none of the opportunities in front of me because I was too scared to. I feel like a total outcast and don't even want to be alive anymore because of how bad and dire things have gotten. Does anybody have any solutions to what I should do about my situation, the irrational panic attacks, the intense loneliness the anxiety the depression?
 
calypso

calypso

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#2
HIya and :welcome: to the forum. Such isolation is bound to cause you depression. My deepest sympathies with you. It terrible to feel like this and not be able to see a way out of it. Have you been to a doctor at all? It might be worth a trip and trying out some pills for the short term. Long term you need to sort out where all this comes from and how to move forward. I would suggest you struggle to find the money for some therapy. I know you are a poor student but its an idea.

Your toxic family are probably what has caused all this. YOu can hear their words in your head as though they are your own thoughts. As for the confidence of others, well some will be but a lot aren't any more confident than you. How do you cope with classes you have to go to? Do you manage to get to them and cope there?

I wish you well and hope others will be along with some help soon.
 
E

eli_mom

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#3
Hi- I’m sorry you are going through this. I hope you can check with a doctor regarding your panic attacks and I hope he can help you to feel better.

Glad you are doing your journal. Based in my experience, it helps me to feel well when I write my emotions. I hope you will also start to get better as you continue doing it. I used to be shy and nervous to talk to group of people. I joined a life group in my church and my church members were so supportive, constantly giving me words of encouragement. Little by little, I was able to overcome my timidity. I want to encourage you to join a support group, it will help you to feel less lonely and not isolated. It feels good to be surrounded with people who wants to see you getting better. I hope you will feel comfortable talking with them. I pray that things will get better for you and you will stay strong.

Continue posting, this forum can be your friends too. God bless.
 
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elliepaige20

elliepaige20

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#4
Hi there, I'm sorry that you're experiencing this, it must be awful at times. I often struggle with lonliness myself, especially nowadays. I would definitely suggest paying a visit to your doctor as that's what I'll be doing sometime this week :) Hopefully they can make some suggestions to help you get back on track. You might also be able to join a small club and do something you enjoy, or even learn something new. That way you'll make friends in no time. Therapy is an option too, though I understand this can be quite costly. I think it's good that you've been keeping a journal too as I find it does help to write things down.

I genuinely hope you find the answers you're looking for. Good luck x
 
albie

albie

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#5
Why do people come here instead of just going to see a doctor?
 
T

Totti

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#6
Why?

Why do people come here instead of just going to see a doctor?
Why are you here? What’s the need to be so negative? Doctors are very sound of mind and people generally want to talk to people who are or have experienced the same things themselves. They want to know that people have come out the other side and know how they have done it.
 
BPDevil

BPDevil

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#7
Why do people come here instead of just going to see a doctor?
because going to the doctor there's no one to relate to or understand what you are going through on a deeper and more personal level

all doctors and other professionals do is read off of textbooks, sometimes you talk about your issues and their lack of understanding and knowledge is embarrassing so you leave feeling worse than before, but maybe that is just me

to be able to fully grasp any mental health or even physical struggle I'd say you'd have to have experiences of it yourself, you can't connect with a doctor the same way you can with someone who has also been through similar hardships

so being around people who know what its like makes you feel less alone and more understood than going to a doctor who just assumes how you think, feel and what your diagnosis could be

and before anyone bashes me I know not all doctors and professionals are bad, I've had a few that were actually good at their job and understanding my mental health, but the majority were mediocre at best
 
Sammyjames97

Sammyjames97

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#8
I sort of know how you feel, the thing that helped me the most with social anxiety was forcing myself out there, even if your shy and quiet you will probably be able to make friends in the long run. The fact that you are at uni away from home is a good start. What is it that makes you anxious?
I used to think all sorts of things like "what if I mess up" and "what if they think this or that?" I found the best thing is using your mind to think what is so scary to you and working from it with logic. When I was 18 I was given a bar job which I didn't want at all, and on my first night i panicked and wanted to escape. Over time though at therapy i spoke about my issues and realised my fears were irrational. I used to worry i would mess up at work and they would think bad of me for it, but when I thought about it the anxiety from this didn't make sense. Anxiety is often accompanied with butterflies which comes in fight or flight. In nature you would run away from a threat but in reality there is no true threat in most social anxiety cases. At my work what would of happened to me if I "messed up a drink?" I thought about it and the worst that could happen is me holding up the customer for a moment or two. As a new trainee You wouldn't be alone in this work and not expected to be perfect without training so if I did mess up i would just ask the guy training me to help out. I often got nervous about being asked for drinks i couldnt make but the same applies again, all you can do is ask the person training you. After a couple of months i was more confident in going and my comofrt zone was bigger. Even now im not the most confident out there but I'm better for using thoughts like those.You have to start thinking about what is scary to you when you are anxious and then asking yourself is there any reason to be worries or scared?

If a guy has a knife on you even a tough fighter would be worried and maybe scared as you could die from it, however the presentation at school or uni what will happen when your up there? Worst comes to worse you stutter mid line or have a shaky voice but will they care about it? Loads of people even confident ones hate these situations and you have to remember we are not perfect and we all make mistakes and have issues. As for isolating yourself, this may be more depression if you have already made friends as I felt the same at uni sometimes. It would be better to talk to people as its awful being lonely, im sure they wouldn't mind seeing you. Happy to talk about this if you need
 
G

Griff

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#9
Hey, I am really sorry to hear that you've been going through this.

When I started University, I thought it was going be a fresh start for me. I thought I was going make loads of new friends and I thought this would give me the opportunity to come out of my shell as I had already been a very shy and anxious person before I started.

Having experienced loneliness and isolation myself during my time at University, the best thing you could do is to maybe spend more time with people on your course to the point where potential friendships could blossom naturally over time. You would see these people almost 5 days a week for 3 years and so that sense of familiarity could provide you with some security. If for example some coursemates are going for a bite to eat, just politely ask them if you can tag along and that will open a gateway to allow you to converse with other people. And because you share common interests in the course that you're doing, that instantly provides an immediate topic of conversation. You can also seek out some clubs based on things you enjoy doing as a way to find people with more shared interests.

I am really sorry that your family has been unable to help you and I wouldn't be surprised if that was a potential cause for the feelings you're experiencing. Counselling would be a good way to open up more about this if you haven't done so already.

Remember, this community is here for you. You are by no means alone. Stay strong.
 
RueBea85

RueBea85

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#10
I am a male, twenty years old and just started university in September 2018. I have a long history of social anxiety, generalised anxiety and depression, all of these things I have received no help what so ever. Since about May 2018, I have received very intense panic attacks when I am out in public and sometimes even in my own home that I may faint or pass out, when in reality I just feel tired, my brain thinks I am going to pass out which results in me full on panicking. My family have never been helpful towards me and always blamed me for my problems and said I will never change. The two reasons I wanted to move away from home to go to university were to make friends and get a girlfriend, the other being to escape the stresses of my toxic family. After being at university for four months, I have literally isolated myself due to my own fears and anxieties. I made a few friends there but have since isolated myself from them completely. It also frustrated me to see guys a lot less attractive than me get girlfriends just because they were very sociable. Also how confident everyone else was and how they made new friends with ease. Although my social anxiety is nowhere near as bad as it used to be, in some situations it can still be very severe. This isolation and jealousy of other people succeeding in life and me missing out on everything due to my own irrational fears only increased my loneliness. I literally have no human being on this earth no friends no family I can talk to about how I feel and I often feel like if I disappeared tomorrow nobody would miss me or even care. The way things are going now they will never get better and it is very difficult for me to change my thinking, I have tried journalling and writing down my negative thoughts and meditation to ease my anxiety but nothing has worked and I still dwell every day how this start over at university would change my life instantly for the better only to go up there and take none of the opportunities in front of me because I was too scared to. I feel like a total outcast and don't even want to be alive anymore because of how bad and dire things have gotten. Does anybody have any solutions to what I should do about my situation, the irrational panic attacks, the intense loneliness the anxiety the depression?
Hopefully you will see this, I just wanted to say that if you are at university your school should have mental health workshops or a mental health department that offers counselling or therapy of some kind. You can more than likely find these resources on your school's website. You can talk to a therapist as little or as much as you like. I would go to see them or try to get in to see your doctor. University can be extremely stressful, I can relate to that as I'm in my final year, and the people on your campus want to make sure everyone can get through this part of life okay. Please go and talk to someone who can either help you or point you in the right direction.
 
G

Griff

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#11
Hopefully you will see this, I just wanted to say that if you are at university your school should have mental health workshops or a mental health department that offers counselling or therapy of some kind. You can more than likely find these resources on your school's website. You can talk to a therapist as little or as much as you like. I would go to see them or try to get in to see your doctor. University can be extremely stressful, I can relate to that as I'm in my final year, and the people on your campus want to make sure everyone can get through this part of life okay. Please go and talk to someone who can either help you or point you in the right direction.
Hi RueBea85

I can completely understand that University can be incredibly stressful and I hope you do great in your final year at Uni.

Griff
 
RueBea85

RueBea85

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#12
Hi RueBea85

I can completely understand that University can be incredibly stressful and I hope you do great in your final year at Uni.

Griff
Thanks, Griff, for your understanding and encouragement. I am just trying to take it day by day.