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How do I overcome the fearful regret I have from past job which I was terminated from for misconduct? Its like a trauma to me

L

Loyalgooner

Member
Joined
Jul 15, 2017
Messages
7
Hey guys

I hope you are well today and things are going ok.

Now to cut a long story short, I worked as a bar staff at wetherspoons 2 years ago to get by during studies while in London temporarily.

After about 2 months I was fired as customers complained about my inappropriate flirting and going too far with it, which I hold my hands up as being totally wrong and out of line.

I was giving 2 warnings and it still happened as well as making a homophobic remark which came out the wrong way when I was joking with a colleague.

Trouble is I am diabetic and feel a lot of these mistakes were not because of that but it played a massive apaprt as when u r hypo could say wrong things that I most definitely would not do or say normally.

Trouble is, now I'm in a good job as an engineer and health has I moved, but whenever the fleeting memories of what happened there pop up I feel like crawling into myself and feel almost sick with worry.

Obviously a lot of it could be farfetched now, but I have a feeling of fear like what if this was brought up in the future or my current employer found this out, it would be disastrous.

I seriously don't know what to do about it and it feels like a trauma which is even worse as I'm the cause of it.

Please help I feel so bad and scared.
 
Tawny

Tawny

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
2,800
Location
England
I completely understand that feeling and cringe is not a strong enough word is it.

I think you just have to keep moving forwards and leave that way behind somewhere. Keep moving forwards.
 
L

Loyalgooner

Member
Joined
Jul 15, 2017
Messages
7
I completely understand that feeling and cringe is not a strong enough word is it.

I think you just have to keep moving forwards and leave that way behind somewhere. Keep moving forwards.
Yes of course and that's what iv been trying to do ever since. However I sometimes panic like what if this is brought up again in the future and I could have a case held against me full of evidence, it would be disastrous.

Even though the logical sense is it happened years ago and its finished. But its the fear of possible impending doom that haunts me.
 
Tawny

Tawny

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
2,800
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England
I have the same problem. I wish i knew a solution other than to keep going forwards and push those memories away. There doesn't seem an alternative. We cannot change the past. We can think of reasons why, but ultimately, it happened.
 
C

Cornflowerblue

Member
Joined
Aug 4, 2020
Messages
24
Location
UK
I can totally relate to this pain, it’s awful. Im so sorry you feel so bad. Objectively speaking there is very little chance of your past ever being brought up. Why would it? Can you think of how it may come about? Are you more worried about the embarrassment aspect or fear losing your job? If something like this ever happens, and I dont think for a second it will, you can always walk away from the job as a last resort. Disciplinary hearings are usually private anyway. We place too much value on what colleagues will think of us, truth is when you walk out, they will very soon forget you.If you can control your words and actions from now on you can prevent it happening again in future. Have more faith, it’s not going to happen at all. I can’t see how it can.. nobody is interested enough to research your past for no reason. I wish you peace and lightness of mind and heart.
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

Taking a break
Joined
Mar 9, 2012
Messages
19,206
Location
Tigger and Willow's house UK
I think if the previous employer was going to tell your current employer anything, they would of said something already :hug:
 
P

Purpleplum

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 7, 2020
Messages
961
Location
U.S.
If it ever came up (and it won't), tell them it's in the past and that you don't behave like that anymore (and don't over-explain yourself).
 
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