How do I make my life valuable?

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GaryC123

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#1
I'm in my early 50s. I'm not suicidal. I actually fear death more than almost anything else in this world, however, I feel like my life isn't valuable to anyone or anything, other than myself. I feel like all I am doing is taking up space on this planet and using up limited resources. In short, I feel guilty just for living.


My question is, how do I change this? What can I do to make myself valuable? Is it even possible anymore? I have no children. No mate. Not many friends. I keep mostly to myself and to be honest, I don't like being around others much anyway. Most of the other people I'm around are just as ugly as I am, so socializing is not much fun. Life is unpleasant and I mostly lay in bed all day or else vegetate in front of the computer. I live with my parents so I can do that for now but my parents are elderly and it worries me what will happen when they are gone.

I feel stuck and I can't even muster the will to lift a finger to do anything about all this. I just want to sit here and watch my life cave in. It's all I want to do anymore. It sort of feels like the right thing to do--like this is what I deserve, to sit here and passively watch as my world gradually falls apart around me.
 
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GaryC123

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#3
No plans. No goals. I don't have any passion about life. I was off meds last year and was very passionate about things. But then I was hospitalized in November and am back on Abilify and I just feel apathetic and don't care about anything again.
 
burt tomato

burt tomato

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#4
No plans. No goals. I don't have any passion about life. I was off meds last year and was very passionate about things. But then I was hospitalized in November and am back on Abilify and I just feel apathetic and don't care about anything again.
Reality can be hard though. You might not have plans, but life can be cruel, and often we have to do things we do not want to do just to survive.
 
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GaryC123

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#5
Unfortunately being doped up on these meds seems almost like asking someone under general anesthesia to roll over so the surgeon can get to a difficult to reach spot. They don't like me when I'm off meds and they expect me to function on meds. Wish I could please everyone.
 
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jimindigo

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#6
I am not being smart ass,when I say you have to take responsibility to be responsible
for your life. I know its hard,was in bad place myself,but had to admit truth of above,
no one else could do it for me , . . .or you.
Respectfully,
jimindigo
 
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GaryC123

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#7
The "cure" for depression always seems to be near drowning. Although I suppose I could "take responsibility" and run out to meet up with all the wonderful opportunities that aren't there for me. I mean, with my "resume" I can still apply to flip burgers (once I overcome the chronic foot pain that recently lost me my job as an usher) but it would mostly just be for "fun" anyway since it won't pay much more than my disability and if I get steady work my disability goes bye, bye. In the evenings I'll go clubbing and use, "Hi, I'm diagnosed with a mental illness" as my pickup line.

Yay, life in the fast lane!
 
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GaryC123

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#8
I apologize for being pointed so far. I know everyone here means well. I guess I really am in a bad place right now. :sorry:
 
Jbb79

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#9
Me too, Life is Really hard some-times x x

I Don't have any advice, as I'm in the same position, My-self x x

At least, Stick around here, May-be Talking to some-one Will eventually help :p
 
Jbb79

Jbb79

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#10
For me, I've Tried all kinds of things, It feels like, No matter what I Do, A few Days later, It's like Nothing x xx

I Hope to get a job, a Good one And, Pass my Time tending, To that x x
 
Bizzarebitrary

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#11
How about volunteering/service work? Have you done any before and would you consider this activity, part time?

I'm nearly 50 and I've been out of the workforce 7 years due to mental health problems. This year I'm attempting to return but I have a large gap in my resume. Major Depressive Disorder and anxiety are conditions that will always threaten any progress. Still, I'm going to push ahead starting with volunteering. I believe this will be helpful by giving me work/life balance and providing a sense of purpose again.

I don't have all the answers to all the big questions - not for me or for you. It doesnt matter. More time spent doing leaves less time for thinking about my crappy life or worrying about my future. I hope this perspective is helpful.
 
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GaryC123

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#12
How about volunteering/service work? Have you done any before and would you consider this activity, part time?

I'm nearly 50 and I've been out of the workforce 7 years due to mental health problems. This year I'm attempting to return but I have a large gap in my resume. Major Depressive Disorder and anxiety are conditions that will always threaten any progress. Still, I'm going to push ahead starting with volunteering. I believe this will be helpful by giving me work/life balance and providing a sense of purpose again.

I don't have all the answers to all the big questions - not for me or for you. It doesnt matter. More time spent doing leaves less time for thinking about my crappy life or worrying about my future. I hope this perspective is helpful.
I used to volunteer with NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness). However, I sort of became disillusioned with my local chapter for various reasons. I still go to one of their support groups once in a while. I haven't been in a few weeks. I'll probably try to go to the one this Tuesday, though. I need to get out of the house. I think I've been too isolated. :(
 
Bizzarebitrary

Bizzarebitrary

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#13
I'll look into opportunities to volunteer at my local NAMI, thank you for that information/inspiration. What sort of work did they have available when you were there?

Support groups have helped me as well. And yep, isolation creeps up on me too. Another symptom of depression I don't always recognize until somebody asks me where I been.
 
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GaryC123

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#14
I'll look into opportunities to volunteer at my local NAMI, thank you for that information/inspiration. What sort of work did they have available when you were there?

Support groups have helped me as well. And yep, isolation creeps up on me too. Another symptom of depression I don't always recognize until somebody asks me where I been.
They offer classes and support groups and will usually train local people who are members and diagnosed in how to facilitate those classes and support groups. It's sort of volunteer but they generally offer a small stipend to people who facilitate. Sometimes you can also volunteer around the office stuffing envelopes and what not. It's a good organization, however, I sort of fell out with some of the people in the office of my local chapter. It's a long story and probably not worth going into. I've been in pretty bad shape lately. I was bullied recently by a group of very toxic people on Facebook (no affiliation with NAMI, just to be clear) which sort of set me off in a bad way this past summer and alienated me from people in general. I'm still kind of getting over the experience. I still have a lot of bitterness and cynicism about the whole ordeal.
 
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exyz

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#16
Sorry I tried to help,in dark place myself--I'll know better in future!
Jim, I've been here for years on and off, you don't post often but you have a huge and good heart,:hug1:
It means a lot.

Welcome Op to the forum:welcome:
 
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GaryC123

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#17
Sorry I tried to help,in dark place myself--I'll know better in future!
You're good. Sorry to be so barbed in my replies earlier. I've been kind of defensive lately after some bullying I went through. :sorry:
 
Bizzarebitrary

Bizzarebitrary

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#19
Thank you again for the details about what sort of work is available at NAMI. I do plan to look into my local chapter.

What you wrote about how you were treated on social media is quite disturbing. Should you want to share a little more about that or your feelings about Facebook and mental health, I'd be interested to read.

I had to step away from FB a few years ago and only check it periodically and only for invitations to events. I sort of miss being current on the doings of some of my friendships but I can't abide what I feel is a comparison trap. Perhaps even more disturbing to me is how people I know can be so different on social media than in real life. Perhaps this is a topic that deserves a conversation thread all it's own.
 
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GaryC123

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#20
Thank you again for the details about what sort of work is available at NAMI. I do plan to look into my local chapter.

What you wrote about how you were treated on social media is quite disturbing. Should you want to share a little more about that or your feelings about Facebook and mental health, I'd be interested to read.

I had to step away from FB a few years ago and only check it periodically and only for invitations to events. I sort of miss being current on the doings of some of my friendships but I can't abide what I feel is a comparison trap. Perhaps even more disturbing to me is how people I know can be so different on social media than in real life. Perhaps this is a topic that deserves a conversation thread all it's own.
It's kind of a long story and gets political so it's probably best not to get into it. I closed my account on FB and don't even visit it anymore. But you're right, it's hard to stay current without FB. I don't know what's going on in my local area in terms of events and things. But I feel better staying off it. I'm just a weirdo from all the abuse I've gone through in life and weird people should keep to ourselves, I think. As the saying now goes; "that which doesn't kill me only makes me weirder and more difficult to relate to". I think there's a LOT of truth to that--even if it's a twisted rip off of Nietzsche's famous phrase. :(