Often we think that others perceive us as we perceive ourselves, when that is not likely to be the case. I feel when you feel like this it is good to look at the evidence, they are still here with you, they have not turned away. People don't often stay with people they don't want to.
When I have been so low, I have often viewed having loving people around me that I care about as a bind, preventing me from 'wanting out' of myself. But they can also be sources of support and encouragement and integral to recovery. I thought that I would always be reliant on my family and friends, that I would bring them down, I could not see an end to feeling like this, so thought it would be better for them if I wasn't around anymore. I thought i'd be doing them a favour. But they stuck by me, because unlike me they were not experiencing the oppressive negative feelings I was having and could see 'a light at the end of the tunnel' that I thought never existed.
I'm much better now, and so much has happened in my life since, i've had so many wonderful experiences that I would have missed out on if I had my way back then. I realise now that I was not so reliant on my family, and that in fact they needed me as much as needed them to be around, that even in my darkest moments, I was giving as well as receiving, something I found so hard to accept back then.
