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How do I make him see...

J

Justafriend

Member
Joined
Jan 17, 2010
Messages
7
...that he's wonderful. That he's my best friend and that I can't imagine him not being a part of my world.

I know that he struggles. Daily. I know that he's fought these battles since he was young, and that he gets tired. That there are moments where he can't picture a future because he feels as though his battles never have and never will amount to anything. He's going around in circles and there is no lasting satisfaction to be had.

I can't make a difference. Not really. I can't make him see what I see; the reasons why I care so much. And yet I'll never give up on him because he's worth every tear and every fear I've had for him.

He's quirky. But in a good way. I've never met anybody like him. He's incredibly intelligent, witty, charming, kind... I could go on. I try to tell him, but the effect is short-lived.

I've gone to university for years and years, and yet he knows more about my subjects than I do. I wish I had half his knowledge, or his ability to always know the right thing to say regardless of the topic. He understands people; he can see them and get through to them.

He should have been a teacher (the students would never have forgotten his name). He should have been a social worker (a part of changing the system that isn't working). He should have been a politician (though he's too honest!). He's a wonderful writer, but I fear he'll never trust his abilities for long enough to make a go of it. He could even have been a comedian as he's always making people laugh. He makes people feel good when they are in his company. - Including me. I draw strength and inspiration from him, though I'll never measure up.

I understand his frustration (I sometimes feel it on his behalf), but I need him to keep going. I need him to keep trying. He HAS to; otherwise the world makes no sense.

My friend: I wish you'd always believe in your own worth the way that I believe in you. I know your heart and your spirit and I'll always smile when I see you. You can leave me over and over again, but I’ll always be your friend when you return.
 
4evalost

4evalost

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 17, 2008
Messages
335
Hi Justafriend :)

I'm not in no way the best person to answer this but I'll try.. It's really hard for people to feel that they're valued or worth anything when they have MH issues.. Myself and my partner both suffer from MH issues and like you we have the same problem trying to tell each other that things are worth it.. I think it's perserverance.. I think you've just gotta keep telling your friend that he's lovely, kind, caring, witty and all the other things too.. It is hard to believe such good things about yourself especially if you're feeling low, but I'm sure he'll listen in the end.. :)

Sorry to ramble on and make no sensewhatsoever, gonna sgut up now..
 
B

bluebell24

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 7, 2009
Messages
106
That made me cry, in a good way, and you sound like an amazing friend. He may not see what you see all the time but believe me, I miss having a friend that told me those kind of things - they do sink in, they're vital to get thru the day sometimes and I wish you were my friend!
 
J

Justafriend

Member
Joined
Jan 17, 2010
Messages
7
Thank you for your kind replies. I'm just worried for him after speaking to him tonight, and I suppose I'm hoping that he'll read this when he comes back online and know it's for him simply because he knows that this is how I see HIM. This is how anyone would see him if he allowed them to know him. Maybe it'll get through.

He refuses help though. He doesn't trust the mental health team, and he doesn't believe in drugs. I understand why - I've heard his stories of what he's experienced, and I believe him. His fears are very real and not taken out of nowhere. Is there an alternative? I'm far away from him and my hands are tied. I can only talk.

I'm sorry, there is no real question here. I just worry.
 
4evalost

4evalost

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 17, 2008
Messages
335
Hi Justafriend

It's ok that there's no real question in your post.. You're a caring friend to your friend and I'm such he knows you worry/care about him.. Would your friend consider hypnotherapy or anything like that, that doesn't involve drugs or the MHT..

You're a fantastic friend to have by theway :) **I forgot to mention in my other post**
 
J

Justafriend

Member
Joined
Jan 17, 2010
Messages
7
Cheeky bump to the top of the list...
 
M

mumto6

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 9, 2010
Messages
56
Location
Co Durham
I think the way you are feeling is the way my partner must think about me.
He tells me he loves me , yet I dont believe him , he tries to help me yet I throw it back in his face time and time again. He does everything he can to help me , but to me it never feels enoguh , I still scream that he does nothing!

Deep down I know without him I do not think I would still be here , he is there threw the good and bad and will never turn his back on me , even though I throw him out , he comes back.

I guess what I am trying to say is I am sure your friend very gratefull to have a friend like you , we all need somebody no matter how many times we scream we dont. It is so hard to express thanks , as we feel we do not deserve it , we do not deserve help , we are not worthy of someone elses kind words.

But believe me , its nice to know someone is there and sometimes words and a chat are all it takes.

I wrote a poem to my partner to try to help him understand how I feel. Not sure if reading it will help you at all. , but its on the forum page. Kind of a way questioning why he wants to be with me I guess with all the problems I have.
 
K

Kat667

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 16, 2009
Messages
95
Location
Bath
Wow, justafriend,
your friend is so lucky to have someone like you in their life, and pointing out their strengths is a great thing to do.

I just wish my husband was more like that. Last night he started with the 'snap out of it' 'i've had a worse day than you' type rant, acted in quite an aggressive and frightening manner and then said such hurtful things that I'm still in tears this morning.
Feel like leaving but I don't get paid until next week so I'll just have to put up with it and go on lots of long walks.:cry:
 
M

mad as a hatter

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 23, 2008
Messages
2,167
Location
scotland
i don,t understand how people can be so nasty if we could snap out it i,m sure we would have a long time ago they just don,t understand people,s attitude upsets me at times they should be ashamed off the actions but they r just ignorant
 
K

Kat667

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 16, 2009
Messages
95
Location
Bath
Yep, and I have an appointment with a psychiatrist on Thursday...
I wish it were easy to 'snap out of' but like I say to my husband. It is like the weather, it just is there...
Then when I see what happens some of the patients where I work I feel like a self-indulgecent bitch who needs to pull herself together!
I have more ups and downs than a tart's knickers at the moment.:scared:
 
J

Justafriend

Member
Joined
Jan 17, 2010
Messages
7
It is a sad situation when people who struggle daily to keep their heads above water meet such prejudice from others who SHOULD understand. I read somewhere on here that no one can understand the pain of mental illness unless they've experienced it themselves. Unfortunately as it goes some people aren't capable of looking further than their own noses for long enough to notice that others may have suffered as much or more. Pain can’t be measured by the volume of the cry. Surely on a forum like this no one should be allowed to publicly doubt the suffering of someone else simply because they don't agree with their advice or their belief?

My friend is a good man who has suffered time and time again. He is kind, considerate and will go out of his way to offer advice and a supporting hand to others, all the while disguising his own pain as best he can. He reads, he studies, he learns - every single day. He's intelligent, witty and quick - all despite having been forcefully quietened in the past.

My friend, I admire you for your resilience and I hope you continue to find a way to be an inspiration to people who struggle to find their way on their own. Some may reject your beliefs, but always remember that in many ways you are a testament to the choices that you've made and you have every right to speak out against a system that could easily have broken you.
 
A

Apotheosis

Guest
Justafriend - Hopefully he will find the peace & healing he deserves.
 
J

Justafriend

Member
Joined
Jan 17, 2010
Messages
7
Yes - and I hope the same for you too, Apotheosis.
 
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