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How do i get well again?

1

123roppo

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Joined
Feb 23, 2018
Messages
63
So about a month ago I found out some information that has basi
 
1

123roppo

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 23, 2018
Messages
63
Sorry I miss clicked XD

So about a month ago I found out some information that has basically sent me into a huge relapse.
I found out a very close friend had killed himself... It came out of no where he was one of the most level headed person I ever knew. So I tried for deal with it my usual way.... Ignore it and block out the emotions, only I couldn't ignore it and started drinking. Not massive amounts just enough to get me through the day. Then his funeral came (on Tuesday just gone) and I couldn't face going so I hid myself away for days and well I'm a mess now.
I took an overdose last Saturday... Yep I know... In fact I've took 2 overdoses last week alone and have just got back in the house after taking one tonight.

One thing that's baffling me right now is I'm on two visits a week with community mental health and just this Thursday gone I was begging them to put me in hospital. I was in a and e Friday night after self harming (but it wasn't bad) and now tonight after overdosing... Yet again begging them to help me and yet again stating how I don't want to live anymore and how I'm going to keep making attempt after attempt until I stop breathing. But yet the only advice I get is take some meds and get some sleep.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore? Is this gods way of telling me it's time? Is this a sign that actually yes my time is up and I need to give up now? What am I actually fighting for anymore??
 
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PsychoPrince

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Apr 22, 2019
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127
Location
Indy
No it is not God telling you to give up or that it's time, however I think you and I are very similar Roppo. "What am I actually fighting for anymore..." I'm right there with ya. What you you feel you are fighting for?
 
1

123roppo

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Feb 23, 2018
Messages
63
That's it. It thought I was fighting to be well but the more I feel normal/well the more I hate it, the more I fight to not be well. That feeling of being happy and healthy it just doesn't feel right.
 
J

Jules5

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Joined
Jan 27, 2019
Messages
1,527
Location
Florida
Awh you just went through a horrific thing with your friend dying. I am so very sorry for this. Hey you are not on the list to die. This is just a bad thing that happens way to often. I am sorry their was nothing you could do.

I have been suicidal before and no way would you have been able to help me. When we think suicide it is us alone. You are not alone Please do not harm your self anymore. I am so very very sorry.

Please keep reaching out even on the forum. Life is so hard at times. But I promise it does get better just takes some time. Time is what you have on your side This will pass and your memories will be fond and unconditional for your friend. I am always here for you Pm me anytime. Love and hugs Jules
 
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ramboghettouk

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Jan 7, 2008
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london
by the time mental health services get their teeth into things like recovery the whole concept becomes a joke and meaningless.mental health workers just define things in ways that make it easier to do their jobs so they can have an easy life
 
1

123roppo

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Feb 23, 2018
Messages
63
Yep. It's ridiculous. I literally have just been dragged to this appointment today and sat there said the bare minimum, even at one point not even answering questions. My support staff was even there and stated how suicidal I'm feeling ect. They put nothing in place, just that staff need to keep checking on me ect because she's aware that I'm not ok right now.... Oh and she's looking at increasing my medication.

This current system is so fucked right now I'm literally telling them I want to kill myself and they just don't do anything. It's seriously getting bad and it's like I can't tell anyone about it because I'm just being turned around constantly. I tried begging them to help for the past 3 days even volunteering myself to be admitted (that's allways been a last resort for me) and they still just leave me to manage. I seriously don't see any other way out of this anymore and that thought really scares me.
 
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ramboghettouk

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as they said at my group mental health services are overwhelmed and with low morale, the only way to get help now is to say your suicidal, and of course with everyone saying they're suicidal

they're npt fit for purpose, i'd sack the lot of them and put the savings into training for the police, they can do a better job and the only people mental health services help are those who don't want them, who the police would be better with

anything left over would go to a mental health benefit so the money reaches people instead of going on all those posh cars you see in the cmhc staff car park
 
fazza

fazza

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Jul 23, 2014
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1,512
Location
U.K
I am so sorry for your loss of a friend.
Currently in the UK there is a terrible bed shortage.
Some patients are being transported hundreds of miles when sectioned just to get an available bed.

Try and not your friends death be in vain. Be a fighter rember your friend and share with others the good times you had together.

This is not the end of the story just the end of a chapter. Today is an empty page. Will it be a plot twist or the start of a romantic event we don't know but our stories don't have to end in a premature way. Live a full life and create a memorable story that will be remembered.
 
mischief

mischief

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Yep. It's ridiculous. I literally have just been dragged to this appointment today and sat there said the bare minimum, even at one point not even answering questions. My support staff was even there and stated how suicidal I'm feeling ect. They put nothing in place, just that staff need to keep checking on me ect because she's aware that I'm not ok right now.... Oh and she's looking at increasing my medication.

This current system is so fucked right now I'm literally telling them I want to kill myself and they just don't do anything. It's seriously getting bad and it's like I can't tell anyone about it because I'm just being turned around constantly. I tried begging them to help for the past 3 days even volunteering myself to be admitted (that's allways been a last resort for me) and they still just leave me to manage. I seriously don't see any other way out of this anymore and that thought really scares me.
That sounds really bad service.

Are there any safe houses in your area where you can just turn up given the difficulties you are having? Perhaps you could call the 111 NHS line and tell them what is happening. Speaking to someone else may help the services understand how serious your issues are at the moment.

Perhaps you could also consider going to A & E if you're feeling that you are in danger, or call 999 if you are worried that you are going to hurt yourself.

Please do keep safe at this time. Gather people around you and keep speaking to them. The samaritans can be useful if you strike a person you can relate to.

Thinking of you
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

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Mar 9, 2012
Messages
9,251
Location
Tigger and Willow's house UK
123roppo i'm so sorry about your friend, mental health services do suck i know from my own experience, like when i was suicidial and told them i was in danger of ending my life they called me a time waster and sent me home (this was years ago)

i dont trust them now :grouphug:
 
1

123roppo

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 23, 2018
Messages
63
I had a moment and walked out of my supported accommodation. I wanted to commit suicide, was trying to convince myself then my mother rang me. I saw it as a sign and I'm now at her house and have been for a few hours now. It took staff about 4 hours to realise I was gone and even then they only noticed because I was due my medication.

They have been calling me for the past two hours and I refuse to pick up the phone. Why? Because I have nothing to say to them I want some space from all the crap over there. All the fake people in that building, all the fucking people who "just want to help" When in reality they want an easy shift so they can make money off my fucked up life.

I've got zero medication and no where to go after here so I don't know what I'm going to do come morning. I'm safe now and that's all that matters right? I'm just not very well and can't think straight at all.
 
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