• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

How Do I Get the Happy Back

Lucid Dreamer

Lucid Dreamer

Active member
Joined
Jan 18, 2015
Messages
26
Location
Tigard, Oregon
How do I find my happiness again. I feel like I've lost myself and I don't know where to find myself or my happiness. I am trying. I have good days and bad days, yesterday was a good day but today is no as good.

My wife is concerned for our relationship because if I can't be happy then how can I be happy with her? And now I am really worried and afraid that I am going to lose her -- I love her more than anything and I don't want to lose her. I am starting to have nightmares about her leaving (when she and I first got together I used to have a lot of dreams like that I hadn't had one in a long time until yesterday.). I don't know what to do and I am very scared.:panic:

I guess I just want to know if anyone has any advise for helping me with this...because if I lose my wife and my child I will be devastated.

Thanks in advance.
 
M

MrNobody

Member
Joined
Jan 14, 2015
Messages
21
The only advice I can give is to be honest and open. I've kept a lot of my problems to myself, afraid of what my fiancé would think of me. I felt ashamed and that she deserved better. She ended up moving out and calling off the engagement because I didn't tell her what was going on so she didn't understand.

As for finding yourself, I have no idea. I'm a completely different person since becoming ill. The old me is long gone, probably another reason for my fiancé to leave.
 
Lucid Dreamer

Lucid Dreamer

Active member
Joined
Jan 18, 2015
Messages
26
Location
Tigard, Oregon
The only advice I can give is to be honest and open. I've kept a lot of my problems to myself, afraid of what my fiancé would think of me. I felt ashamed and that she deserved better. She ended up moving out and calling off the engagement because I didn't tell her what was going on so she didn't understand.

As for finding yourself, I have no idea. I'm a completely different person since becoming ill. The old me is long gone, probably another reason for my fiancé to leave.
That is my problem I have a hard time being open about things because I am afraid of getting yelled at and I am afraid of hurting someone by what I say (Not that my wife has ever yelled at me but in the past people have). I have been more open lately but it is very minimally and I am so terrified that I won't be able to fix this problem before it's too late. I would be devastated if I lost my wife. I love her so much.
 
maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Nov 25, 2014
Messages
4,861
Keep communicating with your wife, make sure she knows you want to be with her. Is there anything that has changed to make you feel this way? Have you someone to have your child? If so try going out just the two of you, cinema, a meal or just coffee and some window shopping.
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 17, 2012
Messages
13,531
Location
The West Country
Hey Dreamer, I presume your wife is aware of your mental health difficulties?
Perhaps you could explain that you're going through a bad patch, and that she mustn't take it personally because you still love her?
I know communication can be a scary prospect, but personally I think it's worth taking the risk because in the long term, it could be more damaging to keep this to yourself.

As for getting the happy back, it's hard. It's part of being unwell - you can't just flip a switch and be joyful.

Are you one of these people that loses joy in their hobbies/interest when depressed?
If not, i'd say keep doing little things to remind you of the beauty in the world and connecting into whatever comforts you.
 
C

Callalily

Guest
I agree with what the others say about trying to be open with your wife. I know it can be difficult when we have had bad reactions from people in the past but I think it is important to handle each person differently, it is unfair on your wife for you to fear talking to her if she has never done anything to warrant that fear. That fear stems from other people. I do think it is an understandable way to feel, I just wonder if that could be a way to open up conversation with your wife, to explain the difficulties you have in being open?

I think when we have been through difficult times, sometimes we can just want to go back to being the person we used to be. I'm not sure that is the best way though, we change, grow and develop and we should aim for being a more well rounded version of ourselves. Afterall, the person you were struggled, life is full of struggles but it could be about using your experiences to help you deal with challenges differently to how you used to. I think eventually there comes a point when repeating the same ways and expecting different outcomes just doesn't work.

Maybe you could find some happiness in your wife, from how you speak you sound like you love her very much, love is a cousin of happiness in many ways, could you use your love for your wife and try and find some happiness through her. I find just looking at my partner at times, I can feel the love for him fill my body from head to toe and the love I have for him as a person makes me feel grateful which in turn makes me feel happy. I'm not saying I never have a bad day or if I were struggling I would only have to look at my partner and the day would be bright again, unfortunately life doesn't work that way. I find it helpful though.

Things that offer hope make me happy, my partner symbolises hope in me, as do children and sunny days, and being out in the countryside or the coast, hearing about survivors who have overcome their troubles and are closer to where I want to be than I am myself. What things offer you hope?
 
Lucid Dreamer

Lucid Dreamer

Active member
Joined
Jan 18, 2015
Messages
26
Location
Tigard, Oregon
Yes, my wife knows about my mental health issues. She is very supportive of me getting help (therapy and the like)...but she thinks I depend on her too much for my happiness and she wants me to learn to be happy with myself.

I also have looked at her and found that bit of happiness...especially when she smiles back at me or something. It just warms my heart and makes me happy. So I am trying to learn how to be happy with myself too...so I am not depending on her so much.
 
ASDF209

ASDF209

Member
Joined
Aug 14, 2014
Messages
18
Location
Kansas City
Be careful that you do not find your happiness fully in the validation others give you. It is wonderful to be loved. But you have to love you too. A friend once told me "You have to do you before you can do anyone else". If you would like someone to talk to about stuff, send me a message and I'd be happy to hear out your stuff in full.
 
Jimny

Jimny

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 25, 2015
Messages
307
Location
Essex
I have to be very careful about finding happiness and validation through others, this has a negative effect on me and the other person.
I always hear these lines said to me but sometimes struggle to put them in to practice 'fake it till you make it'.
For me this meant literally forcing myself to 'do'. I started very small, I went and fed the ducks at the park.
This process meant I was giving and after a while I received something back, a small something but nevertheless. From there I was able to take bigger steps but consciously being careful to not be overwhelmed.
 
Top