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How do I externally feel for someone?

UnstableSolace

UnstableSolace

Member
Joined
Jul 3, 2020
Messages
18
Location
United Kingdom
I honestly don't know how to word this and I want to focus only on the title, so it might come off as confusing and incomplete.

Whenever there's someone who's upset or going through a rough time, I'm just unable to help them. (I do feel bad for them internally and I REALLY feel bad if it's something similar to my level of abuse/neglect experience.) But like, I just act weird. I cannot really say anything in the situation apart from feeling awkward and terrible, this even happens when I'm not devaluing and with people I dearly love. I am concerned and worried about them, I just cannot express that to them, so I look pretty unemotional.

When it comes to love, (familial, friendships, partners) I struggle with the communication as well. I struggle with talking extendedly about most things, with replies such as "You're welcome, if you need any more help again, you can just ask me. c:" so I'm pretty distant in my conversations (even if I don't mean or want to be, me saying something like that just doesn't seem right so I just cannot talk as nice as they can). I also severely struggle with intimacy, so perhaps the severity or fear of getting close is a part of it as well, ironic.

My upbringing was extremely ambivalent and turbulent and I was never truly loved and wasn't allowed to speak to people as a child, so I have kind of grown up with that habit and I guess that's why I just cannot communicate well like this because I wasn't even given the chance, I don't know but I want to be healthier...
 
B

bpd2020

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May 25, 2020
Messages
7,535
Location
England
I can relate to your post. It can be very difficult to find the right words when we were always forced to keep quiet. If you were unable to express your feelings as a child then it makes sense you struggle to do that now. I have researched into having an emotionally distant mother (as mine was) and learned we grow up struggling to word things and communicate. It is lovely you wish to help the people in your life and I am sorry you feel bad you are unable to. If you cannot help in words then you can help by listening. There is a lot of comfort in having somebody listen too.
 
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