How do I cope with no answers?

Luci

Luci

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I have just been 'dumped' after 4 years, 4 months after giving birth. Our relationship was brilliant for the most part. He has his own issues (possible ASD) I have just been diagnosed with BPD. I am high functioning, I have gained and kept good employment and I am a social person. I always did the days out with the kids, friends for tea, sleepovers, school and medical appointments. He was solitary. Has a small number of friends and isn't really close to his family. Very private. After a few years his mental health really dipped. He was sleeping a lot, irritable and became lazy. He was always very active, kept himself busy, little side projects even though he didn't work. We decided to live separately (we both have children and I discovered I was pregnant). Since he moved out his mood became worse. Bearing in mind I was pregnant and have an 11 year old with autism, I was still working and supporting him and his daughter financially and emotionally. I couldn't encourage him to do go see GP and just after I had the baby I discovered he had lied about his financial situation, amongst other things. He didn't help with baby, he became more withdrawn and this pushed me to despair. I tried so hard for him despite how I felt and having a lot on my plate. I just needed him to love me and support me. Instead it seemed like he hated me. I cracked on and asked for support from outside services. This dragged on my ex wouldn't engage in assessments. I was so frustrated and upset. I told my CPN I wanted to kill myself. The children were removed from my care. 3 weeks later. He has the baby. He has never spoken to me. He got his solicitor to tell me in court we were over. I'm confused and saddened. I know my children will be returned upon assessment but I don't know how I will come to terms with why he acted this way. He must have lied to me a lot. My situation is different of course. He didn't engage with services relating to his mental health. He was never going to get better. So it didn't matter what I did..... and I did my best and did it well considering the circumstances at the time. My problem was a trait of my BPD is idealising people. I put him on a pedestal and let him walk allover me. I accepted it and excused it due to his mental health.... even though I would never put my mental health on to someone else....

Did he even love me anymore? He would tell me he did but act the opposite way. Why would he choose to abandon me and such a horrific time? He's now saying he wants the baby to live with him. I can't get over how he could hurt me like this when all I ever did was try and help him. How am I supposed to move on?
 
G

Girl interupted

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Find yourself the biggest jerk of a lawyer you can and then sic him on your husband’s lawyer to get answers.

Avoid, in the short term, from communicating with him via text email or phone in case he uses it against you in court.

Have your lawyer investigate and stay put, as distressing as this may be.

Go see a therapist pronto, for support.

They are going to point at your self harm as reason for you not keeping the child. If you take immediate steps for help, it will help you.

Be strong. For you children.
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

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Hi,
I'm so sorry about your partner you really need legal support/advice.
Hope you get the kids back really soon.
Take care
 
Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

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Magical fairy wonderland xxxx
welcome to the forum
im so sorry this happened to you x
please let us know how things progress
love Lu x
 
Luci

Luci

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I have a fantastic solicitor and she's doing a brilliant job. She is confident they will be back before the Issues Resolution (24th June) I have a mental health assessment with an independent psychiatrist on the 12th April. Pending positive assessment we'll be applying to have the boys back then.... the legal side of things I'm not concerned about. I know I'm a brilliant mum, there isn't a person on the planet who knows me who would say otherwise.

Now I have my diagnosis everything will be much easier. I am high functioning, have gained and kept good employment and rasied an Autistc child on my own, very well :D my problem is with relationships. I didn't understand why I let my ex treat me so badly and still bowed down to him and gave him whatever he wanted or needed. I idolized him.....

He knows I'm a brilliant mum! He would never leave me alone with he baby or his daughter (which he has, lots) if he thought they were at risk. He knows I've done my best for him and he's let me down. He can't speak to me because of guilt about what he's doing is my theory..... I just don't understand how a person could be that evil? And I don't trust social services will see through him fast enough.....

I will certainly post updates as they come. Using this forum is helping me a lot at the moment and I can't wait for the day I can post that they are home
 
G

Girl interupted

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His ceasing talking to you and only communicating by lawyer is indicative of a custody challenge, regardless of your history.

Be cautious.

I will be very happy if I’m wrong, but you need to protect you right now.
 

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