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How do I come back to Earth?

WayNotOkay

WayNotOkay

Member
Joined
May 2, 2016
Messages
21
Hello, everyone. I need some advice. I am starting to feel like a real life Pinocchio.

When I was a kid, I daydreamed and played pretend just like all of the other kids. But while that went away for most kids by the time they hit their double digits, it only got worse for me.

You see, I have an issue of not talking about ANY of my problems (but that's another story), and this means I rarely ask questions regarding help or advice. So when I was about ~8 years old, and I actually was in my own world even MORE than when I was younger, I didn't think much of it. I'm just a kid, I'll grow out of it. Besides, I'm happy like this, I thought to myself.

Fast forward a decade. I am now approaching the end of my teen years, but instead of the problem getting better, it got worse and worse. It never seemed like a problem to me, so I never did anything about it; after all, zoning out doesn't seem like much of a problem when many of your peers are doing drugs and breaking laws. The real problem, though, is that I actually did not even acknowledge this as a problem. I didn't even know what dissociation was.

It was only about three months ago that I actually realized that there was something seriously wrong with what I was doing. I had become so dependent on this method of tuning out the world completely that I didn't realize the implications of my actions. Add in a teaspoon of depression and a dash of anxiety, and you've got yourself a recipe for disaster.

But here lies the problem. See, most resources that I have found do not consider my case. Most instances of dissociation, depersonalization, or derealization are linked to PTSD; something traumatic happens, and that person copes by detaching themself from the real world. There are ways around that, teaching people how to ground themselves and bring themselves back to their normal lives.

But I don't have PTSD. Even more troubling, I don't have a "normal." My "normal" IS dissociating. I literally cannot go more than an hour and a half (on a GOOD day) without feeling mentally fatigued and zoning out unintentionally. It doesn't matter how interesting the subject is to me, I just can't do it. It makes daily life next to impossible, because I just don't want to do ANYTHING besides sit around and tell myself stories.

Really, my question is... where do I even begin?! It's legitimately scary because I cannot function hardly at all, and I have absolutely no experience at being "with it" and breaking away from this bad habit. I have no idea what to do. I have tried the whole grounding method, butt it doesn't seem to work. I have tried binaural music, sitting in a dark room, pulling my hair, setting little goals... nothing works.

Sorry for the super long post. I just felt it was necessary to cover all grounds. In summary: can someone please help me?
 
blacksmoke

blacksmoke

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 26, 2015
Messages
9,385
Location
basketville
gosh the zoning out was what i did a lot as a kid also and i still do it to manage the anxiety. although just lately i am sitting with the anxiety and trying not to run away from it.

zoning out kept me sane as i was growing up as i had several irritating bro's and i needed to switch off from them as my parents never seemed to call time on their negative behaviour.

Add in a teaspoon of depression and a dash of anxiety, and you've got yourself a recipe for disaster. i like that analogy! yes its a disaster alright. but i was talking to someone earlier that was saying that they were not going to distract themselves from anxiety and had found that they had gained from doing this. it helped them to not be so down on themselves. maybe i am in the space to hear this because it seemed to hit home.

i mean think about it has anxiety and depression killed you? no it hasn't. it is "just" a feeling and we put so much store into that it becomes i believe more of a problem. up til now i have done both i have runaway from it or i have ignored it but i haven't sat with it. in the eye of the storm did you know that it is really still.

the thing with mh is that we tend to personalise it make it ours if you will and that gives it so much oxygen. we become specialised in our own malaise. and for me that shut me down to being open to looking and doing things differently.

i would recommend getting out into nature and if you can borrow a dog and take that for walks! or what about cycling. you maybe disconnected because you have lost your connection with nature. or maybe help a lonely elderly person ...
 
W

WillowOak

Guest
Hey WayNotOkay :)

You write like a story teller :) Which gets me thinking.. have you ever given story writing a go? Maybe when you zone out see if you can get whatever you're day dreaming about down. I know it's not the same satisfaction (speaking as an avid daydreamer/zone-outer) but it helps bridge/link that gap between our world and 'reality'.

Sorry being so much in your own world is causing you issues.. I think when you get to balance it out it'll be a joy and a comfort more than a stress hopefully.

:hug:
 
WayNotOkay

WayNotOkay

Member
Joined
May 2, 2016
Messages
21
Thanks, blacksmoke! Yeah, I think my main problem is that I don't really know how to LIVE without not being "there" mentally. It's gotten absolutely out of control.

That is an excellent point about it being just a feeling. Sometimes, anxiety and depression can become overwhelming and it feels like something much bigger than it is. And, yeah, we definitely get used to it; for a lot of people, they consider things like depression to be just a part of their personalities.

I think your suggestion about spending more time outdoors is a great one. I really do not get outside often at all, so I think that there is something behind that theory.

Thanks again!!
 
WayNotOkay

WayNotOkay

Member
Joined
May 2, 2016
Messages
21
Ha ha, thank you, WillowOak! Actually, I don't get the chance to write too often, but I love to do it. (Funny enough, a couple of months back, I started a story, but I completely forgot about it until... well, now. So, thanks! xD)

I have tried to do that, before, and I try to translate what I am feeling through drawing, too. I think the biggest problem with that is it just makes me dissociate even more, but usually that's because I only write half a page before I zone out again. I think that is an excellent idea.

Thanks so much!
 
W

WillowOak

Guest
You're very welcome :)

I came across a website literally two days ago, Reddit, which I think is known but I only just found it :p Basically I started reading a story series someone had posted and they carried on posting because people were waiting for the next part.

It could be useful to start an online blog or something, if you're comfortable.. you can do it anonymously as well, where you write short stories or a series or whatever takes your fancy. It might help to focus because you'll feel a sense of responsibility for something outside your world.

What helped me was starting a journal here.. seriously sometimes I just write out crap and cringe and hope no one is interested enough to read it :p but it's worth it, and I have my own personal journal for when things are too private even to write out anonymously.

Sorry for waffling on it's kinda the side effect of learning to externalise my thoughts.. next step is working on keeping it concise.. wish me luck!!
 
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