• Welcome! It’s great to see you.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

How did you educate your SO about BPD

B

Butterfly3

Well-known member
Joined
May 20, 2020
Messages
92
Location
England
So me and my girlfriend were just having a conversation and she just jokingly said that’s your fear of abandonment, I don’t get why you’ve got it Ive never abandoned you, then I questioned her if she meant that (just because I’ve explained to her quite a few times, well tried to) but then she said in a frustrated yeah yeah I know voice that she knows that I can’t help it and I can’t control it.

I’m just quite upset. We’ve been together just over a year and I was trying to kind of slowly educate her at the start of our relationship just to help both of us and her understand me but she quite quickly went why do you always bring up your BPD? And seemed annoyed so I stopped that and I try every so often but I just feel so invalidated and unheard.

So I was just wondering how people have educated their significant other? How can I make her understand BPD and myself?
 
Tawny

Tawny

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
6,448
Location
England
Maybe she sees you as a whole person, not as two separate parts, a person and bpd?

She will learn about you as you go along as you will learn about her.

I understand the need to talk about the symptoms, i do that myself, and i am often criticised for that. Maybe there are other people you can talk to about it?
 
O

OoO

Member
Joined
Oct 22, 2020
Messages
8
Location
UK
I can’t believe that after a year together she hasn’t done tons of research on the condition, let alone being willing to listen when you tell her how it affects you. Frankly, it just seems as if she doesn’t care :sorry:
 
B

Butterfly3

Well-known member
Joined
May 20, 2020
Messages
92
Location
England
Maybe she sees you as a whole person, not as two separate parts, a person and bpd?

She will learn about you as you go along as you will learn about her.

I understand the need to talk about the symptoms, i do that myself, and i am often criticised for that. Maybe there are other people you can talk to about it?
Thank you for replying! I think maybe you’re right? It’s just hard, before my diagnosis I really hated myself and thought I was a terrible person for all these symptoms, but my BPD diagnosis made me see I’m not terrible I just have a mental illness. So I think anyone but particularly my girlfriend I want to understand so they don’t see me as the monster I used to see myself as. My mum is a really good support network for me I just wish my girlfriend was as well but I find her quite invalidating at times...
 
B

Butterfly3

Well-known member
Joined
May 20, 2020
Messages
92
Location
England
I can’t believe that after a year together she hasn’t done tons of research on the condition, let alone being willing to listen when you tell her how it affects you. Frankly, it just seems as if she doesn’t care :sorry:
Yeah I’m not going to lie, I do wish she’d look into the diagnosis and try even learn some skills to help me and understand me. She can be invalidating at times and it’s quite upsetting, it’s not that she doesn’t care, she’s absolutely phenomenal in every area of our relationship except with my mental illness. I just think it’s lack of understanding of BPD. It’s just such a big part of my life I wish she’d try a bit harder.

Thank you for replying it means a lot!
 
Tawny

Tawny

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
6,448
Location
England
Thank you for replying! I think maybe you’re right? It’s just hard, before my diagnosis I really hated myself and thought I was a terrible person for all these symptoms, but my BPD diagnosis made me see I’m not terrible I just have a mental illness. So I think anyone but particularly my girlfriend I want to understand so they don’t see me as the monster I used to see myself as. My mum is a really good support network for me I just wish my girlfriend was as well but I find her quite invalidating at times...
I understand.
people sometimes though will never understand even if you explain
if they want to learn they will try
even then, only we know us completely
mum's can be different, unconditional total love usually
it is also possible your gf is not able to listen maybe as she has her own problems
life might be hard for her too
 
B

Butterfly3

Well-known member
Joined
May 20, 2020
Messages
92
Location
England
I understand.
people sometimes though will never understand even if you explain
if they want to learn they will try
even then, only we know us completely
mum's can be different, unconditional total love usually
it is also possible your gf is not able to listen maybe as she has her own problems
life might be hard for her too
Yeah my girlfriend has been through a lot herself and her parents decided a few weeks ago they are getting divorced after an explosive argument. She has been and is going through a lot so maybe that is it? She doesn’t really talk to me about her feelings so it’s hard to know what’s going on with her. Thank you so much for your replies they’ve made me understand and feel a lot better!
 
B

bpd2020

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
7,535
Location
England
Hello Butterfly. I am unable to have a relationship with anybody who cannot understand BPD. I tried to educate my ex but he did not want to know. To be invalidated by our partner is so triggering. Our BPD is a part of us and is the reason we respond and think in a different way to others. With my current partner he educated himself. He did a lot of research and continues to research to be as understanding as possible.
 
B

Butterfly3

Well-known member
Joined
May 20, 2020
Messages
92
Location
England
Hello Butterfly. I am unable to have a relationship with anybody who cannot understand BPD. I tried to educate my ex but he did not want to know. To be invalidated by our partner is so triggering. Our BPD is a part of us and is the reason we respond and think in a different way to others. With my current partner he educated himself. He did a lot of research and continues to research to be as understanding as possible.
Hello bpd2020
It’s very triggering when your partner doesn’t understand BPD. I’m glad that you have someone who is so kind and willing to learn about it! My girlfriend is perfect in every way, she’s my soulmate, we have our whole futures planned out together, marriage, children, holidays, retirement etc. She is my everything, it’s just this that I’m really struggling with at the minute, it’s such a huge part of my life I wish she could understand.
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2016
Messages
2,196
Choosing the right moment to discuss important things is key, otherwise the other party isn't fully absorbing or interacting with their full attention (this applies to most things). It's important for you to get these characteristics out for discussion. It helps you to understand yourself and the impact these characteristics has on other people and more importantly your girlfriend. It helps to break down potential barriers and get a better understanding of each other. Perhaps getting your girlfriend to divulge characteristics about herself might change her focus, and help for a more balanced conversation and understanding. I am assuming your girlfriend doesn't see these characteristics as a problem, hence her response. Hope this helps :)
 
mami5

mami5

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 30, 2012
Messages
11,494
Location
North West Wales
If she doesn't talk about her own feelings then maybe she finds it hard when you do and doesn't know what to say or how to respond. Sounds to me she's not used to discussing feelings etc with her own family so struggles to do with you. Just a thought, might be wrong.
 
B

Butterfly3

Well-known member
Joined
May 20, 2020
Messages
92
Location
England
Choosing the right moment to discuss important things is key, otherwise the other party isn't fully absorbing or interacting with their full attention (this applies to most things). It's important for you to get these characteristics out for discussion. It helps you to understand yourself and the impact these characteristics has on other people and more importantly your girlfriend. It helps to break down potential barriers and get a better understanding of each other. Perhaps getting your girlfriend to divulge characteristics about herself might change her focus, and help for a more balanced conversation and understanding. I am assuming your girlfriend doesn't see these characteristics as a problem, hence her response. Hope this helps :)
Thank you so much this is very true and useful, she’s said to me a few times if she didn’t know I had BPD she wouldn’t think I did and I think this is because of therapy and I internalise it all now and try to just work on it on my own. So I think I’ll chat to her about the symptoms, what trigger them and how I experience them. Thank you! :)
 
B

Butterfly3

Well-known member
Joined
May 20, 2020
Messages
92
Location
England
If she doesn't talk about her own feelings then maybe she finds it hard when you do and doesn't know what to say or how to respond. Sounds to me she's not used to discussing feelings etc with her own family so struggles to do with you. Just a thought, might be wrong.
This is very true and such an amazing thought I hadn’t really thought about. It’s just hard I feel like because I feel so much and so deeply and she tries to not deal with her emotions it’s a very big contrast especially when I like to talk about it and like you said she does not so I guess I’ve got to try and find that balance with her. Thank you so much:hug:
 
Similar threads
Thread starter Title Forum Replies Date
A My girlfriend did me so dirty Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 28
W I did everything for my BDP girlfriend. I didint leave her any moment for 2 years. She cheated me and now post pictures with new BF on instagram! Why? Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 50
C where did my rage go? Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 15
LittleMissNameless Why did you stop taking your meds? Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 29
B Why did he do this to me and why did I fall for it? Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 1
G Am I the only one who did this? Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 3
L How do you experience your BPD? Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 7
Signofthetimes Stages of BPD recovery Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 1
E Do you experience psychotic symptoms with BPD? Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 1
Shana09 I want to do something for BPD Awareness Month... Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 6
J Hello . Just joined. Wondering if anyone else feels they will never beat BPD? Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 6
M Is it possible to live without medication EVEN WITH BPD?? Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 13
G BPD traits? Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 4
babyblue22 BPD life ❤️ Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 1
D Are these NPD or BPD thoughts Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 4
B Not sure about BPD Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 29
2 Decades of living with BPD...but there is hope ahead Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 10
soulsearcher saw this and it really made me think about myself and other bpd sufferers Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 14
M BPD and Anxiety Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 2
T Bpd outburst last night really bad and now I feel terrible Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 26
TheEmperorsChampion BPD and Conflict Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 4
C Help my sister has BPD Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 2
T Just diagnosed with BPD and struggling to cope on a daily basis Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 1
L Are BPD relationships rushed? Was mine? Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 1
L Do BPD relationships have to follow the cycle frequently? Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 1
L I can’t handle my BPD anymore Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 3
D Am I a weird case of BPD or do I have NPD as well. Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 1
L Can someone have quiet BPD, but it doesnt show up in the relationship until something traumatic occurs? Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 7
M Employment and BPD Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 5
P Was she really BPD ? or narcissist ? (long painful story) Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 8
M I think depression was masking my BPD Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 9
aleks1009 BPD - an identity crissis Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 2
F I have bpd and i hate my life because of it Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 10
B Online dating with BPD Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 5
D How my bpd feels like. Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 4
F I finally told my nurse about my bpd symptoms Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 7
T My wife has BPD and it feels like I’m loosing my mind Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 6
Scream2 Social Media And BPD Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 11
Fairy Fountain I don't believe that I have BPD. Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 21
AvadaKedavra15 BPD and Work - interested in how others manage this Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 7
B Most troublesome BPD symtom? Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 30
T Love and BPD Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 3
3 Suspected bpd Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 1
N BPD and risk taking behaviour Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 11
midnightphoenix bpd Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 11
F How do you overcome BPD? Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 7
D Bpd and connections to sex drive etc MAY HOLD TRIGGERS FOR SOME. Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 10
D BPD Facial ticks Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 6
M Need Advice - BPD Ex Harassment Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 3
O Parent of adult child with BPD Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 1

Similar threads

Top