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How can I make my partner understand how hard life is for me?

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Emmie-Jane

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I've been with him for 2years and only recently been told that my fear is social anxiety, I also suffer with depression quite badly. He's never had anyone with conditions like mine and doesn't know how to be supportive, instead he tries to push me into situations that give me severe panic attacks. How can I get him to understand how serious it is and have the support I need?
 
katya

katya

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Hello and :welcome:

I suggest have him come to a meeting with your GP or therapist so he can hear from them how serious what you're experiencing is. Might work if he hears it from someone who's a professional. Sometimes people struggle to understand what's going on beneath the surface.

Might be good for him to see those questionnaires they make you fill out to 'gauge' how depressed you feel, e.g., how often in the past week have you felt worthless? etc.

Hope you find this forum useful and supportive. I know it's difficult when your partner doesn't really see what you're going through, but, hopefully, with a bit of education on the subject, he can learn to support you in the ways that you need right now.
 
SarahD

SarahD

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Hello Emmi-Jane

Welcome to the forum. :welcome:

I am sorry to hear you are experiencing social anxiety and depression. It must be very hard with your partner at the moment.

People who have no experience of mental illness often struggle to understand what it is like.

You may find the site for Mind useful. This is about anxiety and panic attacks, and there is a page of advice for family and friends of the sufferer:

http://www.mind.org.uk/information-...and-panic-attacks/about-anxiety/#.VVh2u3B4WrU

Best wishes, Sarah
 
E

Emmie-Jane

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Thankyou! I did take him to my second session, but he was bored and paid no interest, I've given him leaflets but can't get through :low:
 
katya

katya

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Thankyou! I did take him to my second session, but he was bored and paid no interest, I've given him leaflets but can't get through :low:
I think you need to start thinking about whether this person is the right person for you. If you're talking about your inner-most feelings and the pain you're feeling, and he had no interest... That's bloody awful.
 
M

Michael

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Please be careful, Men and Women (I believe) think in different ways. I wish I could pour out my feelings and thoughts, but I can't, its not the way I have been brought up.
I'm not saying it is you in the wrong, all I am saying is that it may as difficult for him as well having no experience and probably no one to guide him through.
It sounds a little like I am/was, my wife changed they way she approached me subtly like I believe only a woman can do. It doesnt mke him right or you wrong, I believe its the way we are. Men are changing, but it will take generations to sort this problem men have out.

I am expecting a tirade of abuse from women now, I hope I don't as I think by understanding how both people actually think can go a long way to find that common ground where two people can work together.

Maybe I should delete this now as I don't really feel comfortable at the moment letting this go into the forum!

Michael
 
katya

katya

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I think you're right, actually, Michael. My last post was going a bit far and probably not quite fair to the guy. Maybe he's processing it in another way. I sometimes forget how different men are. My apologies! Caught me at a bad time, I guess.
 
M

Michael

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Hi Katya
Thanks for that, you have restored some of my faith in human kind.

One of the things I truly miss as I get older, is the sense of community that was around in the 50s and 60s, before the politicians began to dismantle the very core of society. The place I live is classed as a community but the people are very individualistic in that they prefer the community to be just a word and not a way of life.

Maybe we as human beings need to get back to that sense of local communities, maybe it will aid prevention of the isolation that many of us feel?

Michael

Michael
 
chazxxx

chazxxx

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In fairness to him forcing yourself into situations your not comfortable with is one method, "flooding" the idea being that by forcing yourself into a situation you can't sustain the feelings of distress/sadness/anxiety/fear etc for long periods of time. Although its obviously unethical and distressing method. And not the support your looking for.

Wether its a man thing, generation thing, personal attitude thing i don't know. But all you can do is try to explain what kind of support you do need. But for whatever reason some people sometimes just can't understand or support us in the way we want them too no matter how we change our approach.
 
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Dana8201

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Thankyou! I did take him to my second session, but he was bored and paid no interest, I've given him leaflets but can't get through :low:
He paid no interest? He doesn't understand. Maybe he hasn't experienced it. Or maybe his probable lack of sensitivity to your depression and anxiety is because he isn't sensitive to his emotions. Does he think about it when when he put you in these situations? Sometimes you can't make a person do anything, so be your best friend. The relationship with yourself. I, had a partner who didn't understand me. I talked to him about feelings, he's busy with work and all. And he would ignore me. Right now, you can say, I do not have any friends or family members who support me if I were to depend on them. I'm on my own. I give myself support, I learn to accept more and I talk to myself nicely. I give myself support and do not make anyone else responsible for that. That is what helped me, regardless of whether relationship I will get into. You take full responsibility for yourself, and not in a mean way, of course.
 
Nikita

Nikita

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Well him not understanding I understand, him trying to make you do things that cause panic I understand,he thinks forcing you will help you overcome it.Him coming to your session and being bored and uninterested ,I do not get?Him turning up is good and shows willing but why then not take an interest?Is it so he can say he tried and you aren't appreciating it?Him being given leaflets to read but you say you are not getting through, sounds like there is an unwillingness to engage and help!Sorry if that is blunt and painful.It sounds like he doesn't want to help and wants you to deal with it on your own.Nikitax

I have just realized this thread has been inactive for two months and someone revived it so it may be the issue is no longer pressing for the poster who started it.Sorry!
 
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