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How can I help my friend; a psychopath?

P

powrtoc

New member
Joined
Feb 22, 2009
Messages
1
This is a genuine request for help

I've been friends with John (not his real name) for 11 years now. We
met in the first week at university when we were in our late teens,
and he has always struck me (and everyone else) as being one of the
most confident and intelligent people I know.

John, coming from a loving family, is always charming, social, friendly and
outgoing; and is highly respected by everyone who knows him. He
always comes across as calm, relaxed and collected; and appears to
have laisez-faire attitude to life.

He breezed through a science degree at a university which is amongst
the most respected in the world in his area of study; managing to
do so despite having an incredibly poor attendance and scarcely studying!

His skills in life are not limited to academia however, as he is
incredibly fit, and can turn his hand to most sports. When he does
so, he naturally excels.

I have shared flats with John and his long term ex-girlfriend Jo (not
her real name) several times, for about 3 or 4 years. Though I
moved out wanting my own place 4 years ago.

John and Jo, had been seeing each other since their early teens, and
had a healthy relationship. Jo being quite fiesty would frequently
shout at John, and they would argue; but it was always forgotten and
they were both very happy together. Everybody always assumed they
were made for each other and that they had a model relationship.

Despite this, John always had a dark side. He has a very high opinion
of himself (some might say justly so) and is arrogant; though somehow,
it rarely comes off as such.

He would frequently talk of violence, and when we lived together in a
flat of 6, said that he often dreamed of massacring us all in our
sleep. He would occaisionally get panic attacks when in crowded areas
or in the company of 'malodorous people'.

John idolised his father who had been a hardcore football casual,
arrested at 100's of football grounds. He would often tell us stories
about how crazy his dad was in his youth. His favourite story of his
father was how he once threw a brick through the window of a bus full
of rival fans. His dad's friends ran off, but his dad remained
'valiantly' fighting off 50 rival football hooligans, before they beat
him within an inch of his life. His skull fractured in multiple
places, 3 weeks later he awoke from a comma.

Since then his father gradually mellowed out, most likely due to his
wifes nagging and his desire to raise a decent family.

In our second year of university John and I started training martial
arts together. We both took it very seriously, and immersed ourselves
in it. As always he excelled.

After a few years John started seeking out additional tuition, this
time in MMA. He loved the directed aggression, and supplemented his
training with excruciating training at the gym.

After finishing University, John rapidly worked his way up into a
highly paid consultancy job. Despite this though he took a series of
jobs working as a doorman, where he began indulging his violent
fantasies.

Since taking this job, things between him and Jo, gradually broke
down. Most likely due to him mixing with the wrong crowd, the
escalating violence in his life and a series of women. Jo had a brief
affair, and they tried to reconcile and then broke up, after a 15 year
relationship.

Since working as a doorman John has seriously injured countless
people. He enjoys breaking arms, dislocating shoulders, stamping on
heads, and shows no remorse for the damage he does. The police have
been involved in a series of incidents, though thanks to the lack of
evidence he almost always gets off. Several incidents have almost
been fatal.

He clearly enjoys speaking about these incidents, and feels like he is
on an escalating path to self destruction. He speaks of his victims
as being either sub-human or mutants, and refers to himself as a
"horrible ****" (though I don't believe he has self-esteem issues).
He claims that he see's red and gets in a rage, but I'm not entirely
convinced. Whenever I've seen him like that it always feels
restrained, like he has made a conscious, rational choice to act
crazy. It doesn't seem like passionate rage, it's a calculated and
conscious choice born out of his own free will.

I invited him to lunch with my girlfriend and a group of friends; non
of whom he had met before. And when I asked what he'd been doing
recently he proceeded to tell everyone in graphic detail about how
he'd assaulted a guy with a hammer. Despite being horrified and
shocked, people commented after at how nice a guy he is... Maybe they
thought he was joking... he wasn't.

I read what I have written and I am only scratching the surface. He
is becoming increasingly paranoid that he might be attacked, and I was
shocked to find that he now carries an axe under the drivers seat of
his car. What's more concerning is that several incidents he has been
involved in have involved him wielding knives and other weapons.

Being a good looking guy, since breaking up with Jo, he rapidly found
himself going out with 4 girls. I've no idea how he has managed to
keep this going for so long, but all 4 now claim to be in love with
him. He say's he's petrified about being alone without physical
contact. To top this off, his ex, Jo, is under the belief that they
are about to get back together, but John says when he holds her he
feels empty.

I appreciate this isn't a medical diagnosis, but I have been convinced for sometime that he is a genuine psycopath. Today I decided to do some research into psycopathic, sociopathic and narcisistic disorders... A few things don't fit, the main being that I don't believe him to generally be deceitful or a liar. Though he has obviously now been forced into this due to his relationships with multiple women.

He appears to driven by a high level irrational force, but the
individual acts of madness appear to me to be pre-meditated and
controlled.

Is there anything that can be done to help him and prevent him
following this path any further? I know he think's there's something
wrong with him; but I think he's enjoying his self destruction too
much to do anything about it.

I am at a loss with what to do, and am worried not for his safety; but
that he will do something truely horrendous and/or wind up in prison.
What can I do to help and where can I turn for advice on this?
 
D

Dollit

Guest
The fact that your "friend" is going out armed with an axe is truly horrendous enough. I would be going to the police before he gets caught doing something else horrendous. The level of escalation of violence in his behaviour is appalling. If he is behaving as you say he will end up in prison when he gets caught not if.
 
iffybob

iffybob

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 20, 2009
Messages
4,858
Location
England
Walk away

I agree with Dollit.

Tell the police if you feel you can, even if you just tell them the story above, having known this person for so long, and knowing him and that his is escalating and getting more paranoid.

He may not be a clinical psychopath but he is certainly a sadist, he take pleaser in methodicaly hurting others.

What you have to consider is when is it your turn, my advice is to walk away, if he tries to maintain contact, move, change you phone, and aviod contact.

I know this is an old friend , he has escalated to a point where you cannot help him, you can only inform the authrities, it is almost certain that he will end up in prison, or he will meet more than his match.

I do not belive you can reason with this person and doing so will place you in extream danger.

Stay safe ............ boB
 
S

starfish

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Joined
Oct 15, 2009
Messages
655
Location
country cottage
dolores

this person sounds extremely dangerous, my opinion. based on what you have written, and as it is obvious you care about what happens to him and those around him ,would be go straight to the police and report what you know.
 
M

mad as a hatter

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Joined
Jul 23, 2008
Messages
2,167
Location
scotland
Sorry but i don,t think there is ne thing wrong with this guy mentally tho i,m no doctor but i simply feel he just enjoys hurting people and obviously he,s seen this with his own father i would stay away from him 2 he,s not safe 2 be around he might turn on u 1 day 2 report him 2 the police
 
iffybob

iffybob

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 20, 2009
Messages
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Location
England
"dolores" bad not mad?:
Fine line in some cases, but a danger to all sounds certain.....

a psychopath is not a danger to you if you have nothing they want, we can all be injured and that seems to be what this person wants, to cause pain to others, an there for a danger to all ......

....... this is just my opinion, but I have met people like this, trying to reason with them is just an excuse for them to get there kicks, in this case literaly.
 
R

reason1234

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Joined
Apr 5, 2010
Messages
2
real

Would you turn your life long best friend to the cops? never to see him or her again? Psychopaths may rather commit suicide than be caught. This is a real person. not bad. not evil. It is a disorder involving compulsions and messed up sht beyond my comprehension. Many say there is no treatment, but you can't turn your back and walk away. That is just selfish. Violence is a release for a messed up conundrum. Its messed up, but the answer is out there.
 
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reno340

Active member
Joined
Apr 17, 2010
Messages
31
Location
USA
Would you turn your life long best friend to the cops? never to see him or her again? Psychopaths may rather commit suicide than be caught. This is a real person. not bad. not evil. It is a disorder involving compulsions and messed up sht beyond my comprehension. Many say there is no treatment, but you can't turn your back and walk away. That is just selfish. Violence is a release for a messed up conundrum. Its messed up, but the answer is out there.

Does he want help? What evidence do you have that he actually wants help. Has he gone to a psychiatrist? If he said he went, do you have proof? The reason I raise these points are that he seems merely to be getting off on telling people about his atrocities. For a person like this, he gets off sexually by harming people. He also gets off the same way by recounting the experience. Somehow, you are a link to normalcy for him. He actually even finds ways to justify himself to you. Almost like Cathilic confession at times.
Only problem is he does not feel sorry. He does not have the ability to have compassion to feel like that.
If you feel safe in your friendship w/ this person, you are just fooling yourself. He actually is victimizing you w/ his recounts of violence. he does it in a way where you feel honored that he can tell you this. That keeps you captive.
He gives you a feeling like you are possibly going to help him, that keeps you captive
Your memories of a good guy, that keeps you captive. (believe me, he hid his dark side well).

the only thing I cannot believe is that someone here thinks it is wrong to "turn your back on him and walk away. Belive you me, RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN!!! I am very afraid for you and all who come in contact with this man. Make no mistake, he will kill someday. Worst part is that it is possible that he may kill someone when you are with him and that you would have to legally defend yourself as it could be possible that you would be considered an accomplice. No, actually, the worst is it could be you or someone you love.

Call the police, stop him before it is too late
 
R

reno340

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Apr 17, 2010
Messages
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Location
USA
Oh BTW, absolutely no question. He is a true sociopath. Diagnosis is Antisocial Personality disorder. friendship w/ him is like dancing with a chainsaw.:scared:
 
A

AlexD

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Joined
Apr 28, 2010
Messages
1
help ?

Could someone provide any helpful information? since all the responses are about calling the police and getting away from the guy
i've been searching over the internet about help for psychopaths and well the only i have found is for victims or relatives and frankly that isn't. helpful i have found out that I'm a psychopath according to all i have readed over the internet and everything fits, im one and would like to be normal.

Please take me seriously im 23 not some random emo teenager craving for attention mentioning this since i was ridiculed at other place i asked for help over the internet
 
R

reno340

Active member
Joined
Apr 17, 2010
Messages
31
Location
USA
If you want help, it is a simple answer. Go see a therapist. (Not a counselor, but an actual therapist) People w/ antisocial personality disorders need to work on their individual issues that are unique to them. It will be difficult as you will have to invest yourself 100% into the therapy. Funny thing though is that in my professional practice, I actually have never seen or heard of a true psychopath asking for help. That is probably why there are only books to help people get away from them.
I suppose it is possible that you are as you say you are, as all illnesses are on a contiuum of some sort, but I have a sneaking suspicion that you are't though as you seem to truely want help. (and are not interested in what you can scam out of all of this by getting help) Therefore, I would not lock yourself into your own diagnosis. Either way, go to a qualified therapist.:cool:
 
iffybob

iffybob

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Joined
Oct 20, 2009
Messages
4,858
Location
England
Ok........

AlexD ... I agree with reno340 , psychopaths dont ask for help ....

... another point is , what are you reading ... I know that I can read and associate with things I read .. it does not mean I am those things .. many people score high in areas of mental health diagnoses , even thoght there actual diagnosis is differnt , example .. emotional abused and neglected children grow up to score high on autism test .., they are not autisic ... they 'just' score high on the test becasue they have 'lernt' emotional detachment ... and that is part of the test ....

.. to get a proper diagnosis, you need to see a profesional , and get properly evaluated , on an individual basis ....
 
R

reno340

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Messages
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USA
Exactly my point Iffy!! You state it well :cool:;):cool:;):cool:;):D
 
R

reason1234

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Apr 5, 2010
Messages
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before

part of my reasoning before is based on one case specifically. he does not feel nothing, that is the weird thing about my friend's case. he says it hasn't always been like this too. once he hit puberty, the violent stuff set in. Otherwise I feel overall, the world just leaves these people out there alone. Obviously it changes from case to case, but generally for humanity- there needs someone to be someone out there dancing with the chainsaw.
 
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