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How can I help my depressed girlfriend?

T

Theboyfriend2014

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Hi everyone, I could really do with some advice on helping my girlfriend
 
Purple Chaos

Purple Chaos

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Hi and welcome to the forum,

You can help by just by being there and listening to her. Be ready with tissues, hugs and reassurances when she is feeling distraught. Give her space when she needs it.

Sorry, but it's hard to give advice without more information. We all suffer in different ways and react differently to situations.

Also, as caring as you are being by wanting to help your girlfriend, also make sure that you look after yourself too.
 
katya

katya

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I agree with PurpleChaos - it's hard to give advice without knowing exactly how she's suffering. It's also very important that you look after yourself during this process.

Try talking to her, ask her what she wants or feels she needs - but be prepared for the fact that she might not know, because depression does make you feel quite aimless and unsure how to move forward.

I think consistency is the main thing. Don't over-exert yourself by helping her, so you don't become too frustrated or exhausted to give help when she needs it (you'll burn out too, which you don't need either). Be clear what you're willing to do and (I think) just make it really clear that you care. :)
 
T

Theboyfriend2014

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Thanks, she often doesn't know how I can help or what's wrong but thanks for the advice :)

How can I look after myself is there any danger?
 
katya

katya

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How can I look after myself is there any danger?
How do you mean, sorry?

I think there's a danger of you burning out if you focus too much of your energy on helping someone else. I know my boyfriend feels like that at times. Just remember to focus on your own health; give yourself time to recover if you feel mentally or emotionally exhausted by helping your girlfriend. Have some "you" time, whatever that might be. :)

Is she receiving any professional help? If not, help her to make that step first. :)
 
Purple Chaos

Purple Chaos

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Thanks, she often doesn't know how I can help or what's wrong but thanks for the advice :)

How can I look after myself is there any danger?

There's no danger as such. It's just that some people who care so much for others can sometimes become so totally embroiled in that other person's life that they forget about their own life and wellbeing. It's just a thought to remember that your happiness is just as important, I think.

I hope that makes sense. I'm floaty and unreachable at the moment.
 
Purple Chaos

Purple Chaos

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I think that jruth has explained it perfectly :)

I wish you well.
 
katya

katya

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Thanks i will keep this in mind, she often worries about how she affects me so thanks
I would respond to this by telling her that you'll be completely honest regarding whether helping her is too much for you; that way, she doesn't have to worry because she'll know you'll bring it up if it's ever an issue.
 
T

Theboyfriend2014

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Unfortunately I've tried that with little luck, she still keeps things from me, pretending nothing is wrong sometimes, even though we often talk about this, it's almost as if she fears for others who try to help so doesn't accept it
 
katya

katya

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Unfortunately I've tried that with little luck, she still keeps things from me, pretending nothing is wrong sometimes, even though we often talk about this, it's almost as if she fears for others who try to help so doesn't accept it
That's really tough; I can see why you're having difficulty. I'm the same with my partner at the minute. I'm worried because I know he's hurting but he won't open up. I guess we both just have to wait and be as consistent as possible.

Does she struggle to find enjoyment in things? Because I was going to suggest going on "date nights" to cheer yourselves up and make some lovely memories. :)
 
C

clyde

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Just always stay beside her and do some things that can make her happy.
 
maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

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I have a bf who would love to help me but excuse me for being so blunt sometimes I wish he'd just back off and leave me to my moods. There isn't always something to help and I know when I'm grouchy a cuddle is the last thing I want but hey that's just me. I guess my advice is just don't try smother her, but then I don't know your relationship to judge. Sorry if I offended you, I know it offends my bf.
 
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