• Hi. It’s great to see you. Welcome!

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life. Amongst our membership there is a wealth of expertise that has been developed through having to deal with mental health issues.

    We are an actively moderated forum with a team of experienced moderators. We also have a specialist safety team that works extra hard to keep the forum safe for visitors and members.

    Register now to access many more features and forums!

How can I help my daughter?

G

GenerousFly

New member
Joined
Nov 8, 2019
Messages
4
Location
Germany
Hi, I'm a mother of a 19-year old teenager.

I don't know if this is the right place to write my feelings out but I'll try!

My daughter was always really introverted and shy. She had moments where she would be outgoing and fun .She used to have a stable group of girlfriends too even tho she was really quiet. Her introverted nature started becoming more obvious after she turned 14. She locked herself into her room and wouldn't leave it. I started becoming worried and started saying things I didn't mean (which probably made her even more introverted than she already was). She started having problems in school. Her grades were really low. She cut ties with her friendship group in high school. She claimed that they mocked and bullied her for her height (she is 5 feet). Her also cut ties with her best friend. They knew each other for 7 years. Our home situation was such a mess. My father was disabled and in hospital (he died in 2017). During that time my daughter spend her entire free time in her room. She was on her phone 24/7. Even when we were sitting at the table, eating lunch. She just wouldn't put it away. She completely ignored us(I also overprotected her a lot, which didn't make the situation easier). I just didn't knew how to help her. I had my problems at work and sometimes felt like I didn't love her enough.

At 17 she was diagnosed with Turner-Syndrome. She was in 11th grade at that time(this was in 2017). Her teachers started telling me that she was painfully shy and quiet. I remember one teacher who commented on my daughters behavior at a meeting. I still have this statement in the back of my head : "your daughter has such a wall around her. It's like a wall full of bricks. She doesn't interact with none of her classmates. She doesn't show people who she really is".

There was another meeting in the next weeks. I believe that this was one teacher who really captured my daughter's heart. And I believe that that teacher really liked my daughter too. It was her former English teacher. It was so hard to get her to open up but this teacher had something about her that she did speak about some things. She started talking so much about this teacher that I asked her one day if she was in love with her. I also told her that I didn't care if she was to come out as bisexual or lesbian(I'd loved her anyway!). She told me that that teacher stared at her during class and told her later on that her participation was getting better. I asked her if the stare made her uncomfortable and if she wanted to get somebody involved (I mean, it's still a teacher we are talking about here). She didn't want to. Nothing inconvenient happened after that(she didn't tell me anything) . I still feel as tho she feels connected to this teacher. I don't wanna get involved too much since it's her life. After even more time passed (she had that teacher in 11th and 12th grade) she started talking about spirituality, buddhism and some other stuff. As I know that teacher, she seemed like a buddhist. I don't wanna sound too stalker-ish but she was wearing a tree of life-necklace at the meeting. My daughter was also really excited when that teacher started sharing some personal information. She found out that that teacher was practicing Tai chi(I still remember that smile on her face when she came home from school). Anyway, am I a bad mother for knowing all this information?

We told nobody about her Turner syndrome. Not even her teacher of trust.
 
G

GenerousFly

New member
Joined
Nov 8, 2019
Messages
4
Location
Germany
After that "little high" , she started talking about suicide and how she hated her life. She didn't belong here, she didn't fit in. She also said that she would rather live in the 80s/90s than right now. She hates social media and how teenagers are obsessed with it(even tho she was the same a few years back). She can't find anybody to connect with and feels like an old soul trapped in a young body. I even overheard a conversation once with her uncle where she would say the same. She even mentioned her teacher and said that she was the only one who "got her" and her sensitivity. She also mentioned during that phone call that that teacher was the person who stopped her from committing suicide. ("I wouldn't have been alive right now if it wasn't for her").

Long story short : she repeated the 12th grade and didn't make it to her A-levels. She also never told that teacher how much she meant to her. She has a job currently, plans on going back to school, is in therapy and hormone - replacement therapy for Turners. Her therapist says her symptoms go into social anxiety.

I still worry tho. The stuff she says from time to time scares me. She even told me that she wanted to commit suicide a few times and that nobody saw how much she really was struggling. It gets better. She has gotten better at communicating because of her job. We recently took a personality test together and found out that she is an INFJ. I read about this type online and her personality made so much sense to me.

This is a lot. But I needed to get this off my chest.
 
Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Apr 9, 2011
Messages
34,237
Location
Magical fairy wonderland xxxx
hi I just wanted to welcome you to the forum x im sorry but I cant read long posts but I hope someone is able to help you soon xxxx
love Lu
 
vanish

vanish

Well-known member
Forum Safety Team
Staff Member on Leave
Joined
Sep 29, 2014
Messages
2,388
Location
The Land of Oz
I was wondering if there were any support groups for children/teens who have genetic disorders in your country? These could be of benefit to your daughter perhaps?
I’m sorry to hear that your daughter has Turner Syndrome, but have been absolutely devastating for her and you, as her parent. I don’t know a lot about the syndrome unfortunately, but was wondering if your daughter attends therapy at all?

Just wanted to extend a warm welcome to the forum. Hopefully other parents here can connect with you, particularly those parents of kids with mental health issues.
 
hicks

hicks

Well-known member
Joined
May 14, 2019
Messages
1,499
Location
A galaxy, far far away..
Have you considered therapy sessions for your daughter, with a counsellor or psychologist? Being open and talking about feelings can help. Your daughter's problems have parallels with mine (17 yo). I think her problems stem from not fitting in, and being unable to connect with anyone her age, although she does have ASD. It's a very difficult time of life anyway. That's even without the complications of mental health issues.
 
G

GenerousFly

New member
Joined
Nov 8, 2019
Messages
4
Location
Germany
Have you considered therapy sessions for your daughter, with a counsellor or psychologist? Being open and talking about feelings can help. Your daughter's problems have parallels with mine (17 yo). I think her problems stem from not fitting in, and being unable to connect with anyone her age, although she does have ASD. It's a very difficult time of life anyway. That's even without the complications of mental health issues.
ASD? So you think that she is on the Autism Spectrum Disorder?
 
Top