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How can I force a manic or hypomanic episode? (i know this seems irresponsible)?

K

KittyKat123

New member
Joined
Aug 20, 2009
Messages
2
How can I force a manic or hypomanic episode? (i know this seems irresponsible)?

Ok so I used to get this amazing happy feeling. It was like I was all light, I could literally feel the happiness inside me, I felt I could conquer the world if i wanted, that nothing could stop me and that I would be happy forever. At this time, Id have loads of confidence and id be quite irresponsibe and really impulsive. The only way I can describe it is like a HUGE headrush that would last hours to days.It was so much fun, i mean, yeah i did stupid things, but its amazing to have absolutely nothing to hold you back, and no responsibilities. However, I used to get downs to match these, but they didnt last long.

After doing something very very stupid while on a downer, (self harmed) I was taken into hospital where I was told I had Bi-polar disorder. I was given quetiapine to try and stabalize my mood (started at 25mg, went up to 200mg). However, that just made me feel extremely depressed and feel numbness inside, so I stopped taking it (while I was in the hospital, my psychs know im not on it). I have 3 psychs and they all said diff things, One said I deff have bipolar, one said theyre not sure if I do or not and my other one said i dont =S.

Anyway im home now and have been off my meds for about a month. I havent had my emotions as intense as before though. I miss my highs :( How can I get them back? Please help, i dont feel like me without my dramatic emotions :(

thanks x
 
A

Apotheosis

Guest
It's difficult.

In the early days; some aspects of mental illness (I don't like calling it that) - were enjoyable.

Meds shut us down, & they can have a permanent effect.

How do we get the good stuff - without the bad & boring stuff? Simple answer - I don't think we can. Not in this life anyway.

How I tend to look at all this now; is that the genuine meaning & power of these experiences - is in bringing ourselves back to an ordinary state. Some of us have been to some very far out places. Those states; those experiences are still a part of us; we have not lost anything. Over the years; the periods of illness for me became harder & harder to bear; until there was nothing I really enjoyed in them. It is complex, because we live in a society, that largely denies, limits, controls, & suppresses people experiencing such states. The ideal, I think; is that people experiencing such things, should be freely & comprehensively supported in experiencing such things, & their experiences acknowledged & allowed - instead of the usual of drugging people up. These states are not all bad.

Something that I have personally found helpful, is to explore Jungian psychology; the Trans-personal, & the psycho-spiritual. & I have explored, & continue to do so; spirituality & esoteric matters.

It doesn't have to be anything complex. There are a number of ways of altering the way that we feel in healthy, balanced & beneficial ways. I have found the practise of Reiki to be very therapeutic, & also certain meditation techniques; but there are also other practices that produce similar effects, such as yoga, & others. A lot of these types of practises have a cumulative effect; & take considerable time, focus, & work to produce results. But they can bring a balanced & deeper perspective on our experience.

Although it may seem like you have lost something, or had a special experience taken from you. It may well be that in the future you may see things differently; that there is meaning & growth in the more mundane experiences, & that you find a balance with negative; as well as what you perceive as positive aspects in your life.

Hope that helps. :)
 
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A

Apotheosis

Guest
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H

Happychappy

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 21, 2009
Messages
45
Ying and Yang, those highs come at a price (the lows) as someone who was diagnosed a long time ago - if you've got stability, trust me, hand on to it !
 
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