• Welcome! It’s great to see you.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

How can I be okay with being alone?

  • Thread starter Irrationallyrational
  • Start date
I

Irrationallyrational

Member
Joined
Oct 2, 2020
Messages
14
Location
Uckfield
Hey guys,

I need some advice. I've been so up and down recently and today it's just made me stop, think and reevaluate my life.
I've realised I need to be okay with my own company, with my own mind. But how do I do this? I've spent the last 4 years being with someone almost every day and I've realised my biggest problem is I just don't know how to be alone. And how to be okay with being alone.

What can I do to be okay with this??
 
B

bpd2020

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
7,535
Location
England
Hello irrationallyrational. This is something I worked on with my therapist. What I had to do was, not do anything. My first reaction when feeling bad is to do something. She said I have to learn how to accept feeling bad and acknowledge it. By trying to get rid of it all the time I never really deal with it. As you have posted this in the bpd section I am guessing you struggle to be alone due to the sadness and emotional pain you feel. Maybe you can take time to find out if there are things you like to do? Things you can do alone such as read, have a bubble bath, grow a plant. I am sure there will be something you may like to do. It is good to have solo interests for when we are alone.
 
B

beautywithin

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jul 10, 2020
Messages
154
Location
UK
I didn't want to read and leave, as I don't mind been alone I like my own company and when im slipping this is how I heal. I also have solo hobbies, working out, drawing, reading and ohhh a good series, sending love x
 
I

Irrationallyrational

Member
Joined
Oct 2, 2020
Messages
14
Location
Uckfield
Hello irrationallyrational. This is something I worked on with my therapist. What I had to do was, not do anything. My first reaction when feeling bad is to do something. She said I have to learn how to accept feeling bad and acknowledge it. By trying to get rid of it all the time I never really deal with it. As you have posted this in the bpd section I am guessing you struggle to be alone due to the sadness and emotional pain you feel. Maybe you can take time to find out if there are things you like to do? Things you can do alone such as read, have a bubble bath, grow a plant. I am sure there will be something you may like to do. It is good to have solo interests for when we are alone.
Hello,

Thank you for your message and advice! Yes with my BPD I just struggle to be okay with accepting every thought that comes into my head. I just hate doing things alone and it makes me feel so stupid as I'm 25, I should be okay with this!!
 
B

bpd2020

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
7,535
Location
England
Hello,

Thank you for your message and advice! Yes with my BPD I just struggle to be okay with accepting every thought that comes into my head. I just hate doing things alone and it makes me feel so stupid as I'm 25, I should be okay with this!!
You are putting pressure on yourself by using the word 'should'. You have never been alone so why should you be okay with something that is all new to you? There is no right or wrong way to feel. Having emotional pain is a constant and we will do anything to distract us. Being alone means the pain is more real so I can understand why you are finding it difficult to be alone.
 
irwin

irwin

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 14, 2020
Messages
424
Location
Colorado, USA
I've spent a lot of my life alone. I've been with someone for the past 15 years or so and like sharing my life with someone. I don't think I could handle living alone again. I'd probably never get out of bed.
 
Wolf359

Wolf359

Member
Joined
Oct 14, 2020
Messages
5
Location
Los Angeles
I think "okay with being alone" is a good idea but only to a degree.

One can be capable of being alone, but one doesn't have to like it.

There's a youtube video, "Why Are We So Lonely? - Glad You Asked S1", around the 12-minute mark they talk about how it's an evolutionary thing, humans are made to not like being alone. Why? Because it's not good for you.

There's also research showing that elderly single people die earlier than the married ones.

So I think the healthier position is being able to deal with being alone when you have to, and not liking it, and seeking supportive connection.

Just my POV.
 
Similar threads
Thread starter Title Forum Replies Date
L Just wanting to vent if that's okay Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 16
L How can you tell if you are overreacting or if you're being normal? Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 25
I help/ being insecure about yourself :D Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 4
K Being sectioned and medication Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 7
M Being kind to myself. How? Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 6
O Being taken seriously Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 18
O Being honest with work Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 9
S Is relationship paranoia part of BPD? Is this me being paranoid? Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 62
B Getting over being in love Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 6
V Can I be honest without being judged here? Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 8
W "I am sorry you..." (noticing certain phrases being used) Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 69
Z Being judged for not working full time Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 21
Riah3 am I being petty Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 4
Z What's the point in being social? Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 33
G Experiences with realizing self destructive behavior/being abuser Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 4
S I tired of being tormented (suicidal thoughts) Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 1
B How do you get someone to stop being your favourite person? Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 9
S I hate being compared to people including my dad Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 16
Riah3 Am I being too sensitive Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 9
L Self harm attempt triggered by boyfriend being friends with his ex, feel suicidal Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 4
AvadaKedavra15 Just diagnosed, feel so alone Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 15
dubblemonkey alone Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 1
H Feeling alone and confused Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 4
V Feeling alone Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 3
daddyspader Am I alone? Borderline Personality Disorder Forum 5

Similar threads

Top