• Hi. It’s great to see you. Welcome!

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life. Amongst our membership there is a wealth of expertise that has been developed through having to deal with mental health issues.

    We are an actively moderated forum with a team of experienced moderators. We also have a specialist safety team that works extra hard to keep the forum safe for visitors and members.

    Register now to access many more features and forums!

How bad is your social anxiety?

hicks

hicks

Well-known member
Joined
May 14, 2019
Messages
854
Location
In a galaxy, far far away..
I fully understand what your saying hicks. It's taken me years of practising to ask open question and not just answer yes or no. When i was working i had every excuse not to go on works night out or team building exercises. They must have thought i had a really busy social calendar as i was always ‘busy’ whenever anything was on. And as for parties its a real nightmare for me. Even family gatherings are difficult even tho i know the people. I just feel that i have nothing of any interest to say to anyone.
And it a lie when people say ‘oh the more you do it the easier it will get’. Im pensioner now and its still difficult.
I think it may be down to personal circumstances. Speaking from my own experience, I've gone through life being socially ostracised. Only when I got to 50 (I'm now 52), have I started to 'loosen' up a bit. I can now hold a sociable and relaxed conversation with someone 1-to-1, but only with people I'm very comfortable talking to. I do believe that is partly down to me forcing myself to engage with people more. It has become more relaxed.

On a related note to this - what about schools actively teaching social skills? Rather than the kids being sent into the playground to work it out. Shall I tell you what I did as a small kid in the playground? I stayed in a corner waiting until the bell rang, and spoke to virtually nobody. Oh those were long drawn out minutes (seemed like hours) of awkwardness. How did that in any way teach me how to socialise? And worse, it got me bullied for being a loner.

So instead of making kids take 10 subjects of mostly crap which they'll never need in their lives, why not (for those that need/want it) timetable some kind of constructive social sessions. Talking freely with people is an essential life skill. Build confidence instead of knocking it down.

Oh yeah, and the school I think, tried to get me 'out of my shell', by putting me in school plays. Hmmm how do you think being the centre of attention on a stage with an audience looking at me made me feel? This was all decided btw without any consultation with either me or parents. Looking back I can see now what they were trying to do, but went about it in completely the wrong way.

Sorry about the rant, hope I didn't bore you :D
 
daffy

daffy

Well-known member
Moderator
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 16, 2007
Messages
5,774
Location
hiding behind the sofa
For me i went to all girls schools till i was almost 15 . Then we moved house and i had to go to a co-ed school. I didn’t know how to speak to boys as friends at all. So i ended up with the quiet girls that didn’t mingle and was not quite bullied but teased no end by the boys because i wouldnt retaliate. It got so bad that one teacher even came to my house to speak to my parents about how timid i was. When i left school things improved and i got a good mixed circle of friends. But my anxiety stayed with me all my life.
Your so right about them not teaching social skills at school. It’s so important that kids learn to socialise normally. Not pointing them out and forcing them into activities that they find impossible.
 
hicks

hicks

Well-known member
Joined
May 14, 2019
Messages
854
Location
In a galaxy, far far away..
Here's an idea I had - why not have a full time counselor/therapist in all schools? I'm pretty sure there would be enough work to keep them occupied. And I've heard teachers complaining that they are increasingly having to fulfill the role of a counselor/psychologist, for which they are completely untrained.
Having a professional counselor in schools would not only help individual kids who have problems, they could also facilitate social sessions, in which conversational skills are practiced and improved.
 
daffy

daffy

Well-known member
Moderator
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 16, 2007
Messages
5,774
Location
hiding behind the sofa
Here's an idea I had - why not have a full time counselor/therapist in all schools? I'm pretty sure there would be enough work to keep them occupied. And I've heard teachers complaining that they are increasingly having to fulfill the role of a counselor/psychologist, for which they are completely untrained.
Having a professional counselor in schools would not only help individual kids who have problems, they could also facilitate social sessions, in which conversational skills are practiced and improved.
They have them in colleges and universities so surely having one in schools would be a good idea. Even if they were only there one day a week would be better than nothing
 
I

indigo6

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 30, 2019
Messages
490
Location
UK
Like the idea of nurturing children rather than forcing them to tough it out. This is where it hierarchies, the cliques?
No way should a child have to be put through this. Its hard enough when you are adult.
The quieter, introverted children should be watched over. Teaching social skills to a certin level but quiet gentle thoughtful children should be celebrated.
Hicks and Daffy thank you for sharing. If I had been your teacher Id have been watching over you.
Im embarrassed to say I was a bit outgoing as a child. I had a late speaking sibling who I took charge of and my Father made me out to be a genius so I was a show off somewhat. I never was unkind to my peers though. It seems the older Ive got the more socially awkward Ive become. I think being hyenad (I made that up, my new word for bullied) as an adult has altered me for good. That and learning silence is perfectly fine.
 
I

indigo6

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 30, 2019
Messages
490
Location
UK
*peer/classmate not teacher. Doh.
 
Top