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How abnormal is this?

J

jdohe

Active member
Joined
Jul 26, 2009
Messages
42
19 year old adopted girl doesn't seem normal to me. She is above average intelligence, but has no ambition and doesn't care about anything. Here is a short list of things I find odd:

1. There are cordless phones in every room in the house including bathroom, yet she insists on using her cell phone. Although her cell phone is free after 7pm, she still manages to run up an average monthly cell phone bill of $150.00 - even though she has been told not to use the phone before 7pm. She is on her phone several hours per day.

2. She still likes to eat Gerbers baby food.

3. She refuses to use toilet paper. Instead, she uses Huggies baby wipes.

4. She has glasses and contact lenses, yet refuses to use either.

5. She recently failed the multiple choice paper driving test 5 times (the test that nobody fails)

6. She attended private school her whole life, yet in her upcoming college classes, she is taking all remedial courses! None of her courses count for college credit.

7. She calls my father 'daddy' and he still has to hold her hand when crossing even residential streets that have no traffic on them.

8. She refuses to eat any food that isn't from either a restaurant or from Stouffers or Hormel pre-made meals.

9. The college she will be attending is only 1 mile from here, yet she cant walk or ride a bike or take bus there. The bus stop that goes direct to that college is 800 feet from this house.

10. She insists that my father not get out of the car when she is left off or picked up from the college because she is embarrassed to be seen with him.

11. My father will have to leave work to come home and pick her up, bring her to college, and return to work - then do the same to pick her up after her classes. This will greatly reduce the number of hours worked by my father, and I would not be surprised if it doesn't result in him losing his job.

12. She went to her friend's party just 3 days after her adopted mother suffered a massive stroke unexpectedly - from which she never emerged from coma.

13. She went to the party on the very day that the doctors said there was nothing that could be done for the mother and that she could die at any time.. And the mother did die at about noontime that very day - while the girl is at the party, and my dad is late getting to the hospital due to bringing girl to party - and wife is dead by the time he gets to hospital.

14. Three days after funeral, the girl has her nails done for $88.00 for no reason or occasion.

15. The mother had been stealing money from my father during their entire marriage, and the girl got all the money when she died - leaving my father nothing - and the girl has been spending money like Paris Hilton since she got a debit card to dip into that account.

16. My father cuts up her food for her and brings it to her room to eat, in which she feeds most of it to dog.

17. The girl always keeps the door to her room locked, and my dad has to knock and ask her to open the door several times before she will respond.

I could go on, but I think this covers the basic picture.

This situation is getting irrepairable. I have problems of my own, and instead of being helped, that girl and my father are creating new problems. Frankly the biggest loser in this situation is my father who got royally shafted by his deceased wife.

Comments?
 
A

Apotheosis

Guest
She sounds interesting.

What is your part in all this? I have read most of what you have posted so far on this site - What about you? I have heard very very little - How old are you? how do you spend your time? What are you like? Why do you have this desire to involve yourself so much in the life of this person? People will live as they do

- there isn't a lot we can do about it. There are people in my own life that I clash with, or I get difficulty dealing with stuff they may be going through - I remove myself from the situation & let people carry on as they please.
 
J

jdohe

Active member
Joined
Jul 26, 2009
Messages
42
She isn't really the issue

She sounds interesting.

What is your part in all this? I have read most of what you have posted so far on this site - What about you? I have heard very very little - How old are you? how do you spend your time? What are you like? Why do you have this desire to involve yourself so much in the life of this person? .
The issue isn't her, the issue is my father who is falling apart at the seams - and on whom I have gotten no replies at all. Since my dad's wife died 2 months ago, that girl has inherited all the money that the wife was stealing from him and hiding in seperate bank accounts. My father got nothing from his "dear wife" except aggravation. Now that the girl has a huge sum of money in her bank account (which she is already blowing on ridiculous luxuries such as tiffany jewelry) my father no longer has any leverage at all on her. She does what she wants, when she wants, and refuses to do anything for anybody else. I'm afraid that there is nothing I can do to help my dad from completely losing his marbles.
 
A

Apotheosis

Guest
The issue isn't her, the issue is my father who is falling apart at the seams
:confused: I don't get it? All you appear to be going on about is 'her'?

How does your father feel about her? What is his relationship like with her? How does he feel about the 'stolen money' situation?

In your first posts you said that there is nothing wrong with your father & he is putting it all on!!!??? I can't work out where you are in all this? NOT what you thnk about everyone else & 'her'. You haven't answered anything of what I asked??? What's your game here? I mean why post all this stuff? What is the purpose?
 
J

jdohe

Active member
Joined
Jul 26, 2009
Messages
42
I wish people would read more carefully..

I think people read posts with some predetermined bias in their head already. I am astonished that nobody finds the behaviors of that girl to be abnormal. Anyway...

As far as the stolen money, my father can't even acknowlege it. I see him sitting at the dining room table with stacks of bills, documents, and bank statements and he is in agony. He knows that his deceased wife was robbing him for well over 15 years. Now that the girl got all that money, she is able to do anything she wants until she blows all that money. I don't want to make a dissertation out of this post, but let me put it this way - my dad drives around in a 10 year old van. He can't afford to upgrade his vehicle. My dad cuts his own hair with my help (the girl has never helped him nor anyone do anything.. ever). My dad has ibeen doing the shopping using coupons and sales for many years since neither his wife nor daughter would help. Keep in mind that until 40 days ago I was not living here. Now comes the daughter... she is after him to buy her a NEW car for her birthday which is in a couple of months! The car itself costs a fortune, however the insurance on a new car for a 19 year old girl who has never driven before and who failed the multiple choice driving exam 5 times is going to cost far more than the cost of the car! To get her a car, he might have to mortgage the house.. and I guarantee you that she will get in an accident. She has no sense of direction, and can't even ride a bicycle. What I expect will happen is that the girl will threaten to leave this house and buy her own car with the roughly $60k in money that she got. When she does that, it is going to crush what is left of my father's sanity.

You mentioned that I said there is nothing wrong with my father. That is not true. I fear that mentally he is severely ill and that is why I have been posting here. Incidentally, I have yet to get any help or suggestions in that regard. By far the most responses I have gotten here are people upset that I swatted one cat. Nobody was concerned about the 9 punctures that cat put in my arm, nor that the cat was shredding the other cat that has no claws to defend itself. Imagine how deeply the fangs and claws were dug into that other cat to be able to lift that 18 pound cat off the ground when I lifted the attacking cat. I never dreamed that the other cat would be lifted up with the attacking cat. My father's issues are mainly mental. He seems to want to attribute his mental condition to physical health issues such as diabetes and high blood pressure. He has neither of those health issues. When I see someone whimpering and babbling in a weak desperate voice day after day and having panic attacks, I try and find out WHY. I have been asking people here to give me their opinions about such things that might be the cause. They seem to want to blame me for his problems. That isn't going to work because I wasn't even living here until very recently.

Here's an easy one. Does anyone thing its odd that my dad (and myself) both resort to cutting our own hair, yet this girl has her nails done for $88? She also has her hair professionally styled and tinted which I suspect costs even more.
 
A

Ainsworth

Guest
I think people read posts with some predetermined bias in their head already. I am astonished that nobody finds the behaviors of that girl to be abnormal.
i dont see it that way! i have read what you have written and commented. (not maybe to you liking)

'that girl' is a human being but also a product of her own up bringing.

if you think your dad has some type of MH issue then try and talk to him about seeking help and maybe going with him.

goodluck
 
A

Apotheosis

Guest
I have been asking people here to give me their opinions about such things that might be the cause. They seem to want to blame me for his problems. That isn't going to work because I wasn't even living here until very recently.
just simply trying to get at what is going on; all we have to go by is what you write. What is so hard about answering the questions I asked you further up in this thread?

Incidentally an 18 pound Cat! :eek: That's over 8 Kilograms. What is it; a maine coon cat? Or a baby tiger?

 
unlucky

unlucky

Well-known member
Founding Member
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Mar 21, 2009
Messages
2,858
Location
Glasgow
lol Apo, love it!! That cats bigger than my daughter!! Anyhoo back to thread, I think the problem with your father is that he is grieving and doesn't seem to have any support. As I said in your other post, a bit of understanding and not criticism may go a long way.
 
S

*Sapphire*

Guest
Can you not try and get your father to a doctor and see if there is anything they can do to help? Or refer him to some grievance counselling?

Or perhaps suggest to him, and his 'adopted daughter' that any decisions regarding large financial purchases should be put on hold at the moment until he is more mentally stable, especially if re-mortgaging the house is on the cards.

If you really think your father is in no state to make such huge decisions and may regret re-mortgaging the house, which might cause him a breakdown or financial poverty, then seek advice of a lawyer or a doctor and see if you can get some form of agreement that ensures that he does not have the ability to make those decisions until he is more mentally stable.

If you register a query with the doctor and his mortgage company beforehand that he is mentally unfit to be making decisions regarding re-mortgaging it may prevent him from being able to do that with the mortgage company for some time. Therefore the 'adopted daughter' would have to purchase a car herself if she wants one and your dads housing should be safe.

If you think the 'deceased wife' was 'stealing' money from your father and that your father is in no state to register a crime with the police then do so yourself. If you think there is something not right in the will and that your father has more rights to the inheritance then go see a lawyer, or the solicitor/executor of the will. You can challenge a will.

As his next of kin, if he is mentally unfit through grieving for any of the above and you think it may be a line of enquiry he may pursue in the future when he is well enough then you may have rights to do all of this on his behalf. You may also get granted temporary rights to make all decisions regarding any financial assets he has including property.

With regards to the pets, please ring the RSPCA or whatever animal welfare rights organisation you have in your country and ask them to investigate your fathers property. I am sure with what you have written here they will immediately take the animals away from you. And if the 'adopted daughter' refuses to let them go she may be liable for prosection for neglect. In most countries to care for a dog properly you MUST walk them at LEAST once a day, if that is not done then you are liable for prosecution for neglect. If YOU don't want to be held responsible for calling the animal welfare organisation then give them an anonymous tip off, explain what you have seen/heard and let them tell the 'adopted daughter' that they have had an anonymous tip off, which means the blame is not on you.
 
Last edited:
greebobeebo

greebobeebo

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Joined
Aug 3, 2009
Messages
1,027
Location
north norfolk
I've got an idea

Focus on your dad not anyone or anything else.

if she who is adopted is so annoying move out and deal with it from a distance. She sounds like she has been spoilt rotten all her life.

If you don't like the cats and dogs as they are either re train them or find them new homes. I have 3 cats and 1 dog, my cats go outside and the most they have caught so far is butterflies and my dog goes out for a walk 3 times a day and only barks when someone knocks on the door he is better off lead than on. My dog was in a house that was similar to where you are, he was never taken for walks and used to regularly jump a 6 foot fence. Anyway I digress.

Your Dad is probably grieving and is doing all this stuff for attention, although when I was grieving for my Dad I went into myself. You may not have liked his wife (your stepmother?) but he obviously did. They do say Love is blind.

Could you remove your Dad from that house to a more healthy situation? Or if not maybe you should try and get the house liveable bit by bit, that may well help with your Dad's weird habits.

I can only say my piece on what you have written and it also seems to me that all you want to do is moan about the daughter which in itself won't be helping your Dad cos he is probably mentally kicking himself now for it all anyway.
 
bluenomore

bluenomore

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Joined
Jun 30, 2009
Messages
5,527
The issue isn't her, the issue is my father who is falling apart at the seams - and on whom I have gotten no replies at all.
That's not quite accurate is it jdohe.
You have had replies to all of the threads you've started, including this one
 
G

GrizzlyBear

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Sep 22, 2008
Messages
971
I think people read posts with some predetermined bias in their head already. I am astonished that nobody finds the behaviors of that girl to be abnormal.
How could there be a bias? We have only your posts to read.
So, maybe some of her behaviour is abnormal but I find it hard to hear you continually respond to a, possibly, troubled girl as 'that girl'. It is rude and will not help you gain support and sympathy. Advice has now been posted....get support for your father if you think he is too unwell to seek it himself. Get help for the animals since they are not able to get it for themselves. You and your adopted sister will need to take responsibility for yourselves.

I have read your posts and I don't think you realise how you sound to others. The fact that people have not responded in the way you might have anticipated may well be down to an inability for some of us to see past the barrage of petty criticism aimed at your adopted sister. This makes it hard for us to imagine a feeling human being and respond with sympathy and so on. Referring to the 'pets' as 'stupid animals' is just going to piss people off. If you are wanting to hear people say "Jeez....yeah, that adopted sister is the scum of the earth. She eats baby food? What a loser!" you should really go to a different forum - in my experience the people here are kind and understanding.

They seem to want to blame me for his problems. That isn't going to work because I wasn't even living here until very recently.
I don't think you are responsible for your father's problems. You are his child.
I hope you find the advice others have posted useful and that you, your father and your adopted sister will find solutions - and happiness.
 
J

jdohe

Active member
Joined
Jul 26, 2009
Messages
42
Big fat kitty

just simply trying to get at what is going on; all we have to go by is what you write. What is so hard about answering the questions I asked you further up in this thread?

Incidentally an 18 pound Cat! :eek: That's over 8 Kilograms. What is it; a maine coon cat? Or a baby tiger?

That cat is very large and very fat. I have seen many housecats even heavier than him.
 
J

jdohe

Active member
Joined
Jul 26, 2009
Messages
42
Not true

That's not quite accurate is it jdohe.
You have had replies to all of the threads you've started, including this one
My primary post was my first post here entitled "new to thread". That post has had 48 views and 0 replies. It is the one that focuses on my father's condition more than any of the other posts. People seem eager to defend the girl and get outraged over the pets, yet not so eager to offer and insight about my dad's condition. My original post is dated 26-07-09
 
A

Ainsworth

Guest
My primary post was my first post here entitled "new to thread". That post has had 48 views and 0 replies. It is the one that focuses on my father's condition more than any of the other posts. People seem eager to defend the girl and get outraged over the pets, yet not so eager to offer and insight about my dad's condition. My original post is dated 26-07-09
we cant DX your dad, we can only say to try and make him see a doctor if its all too much for him.

hes grieving and doesnt want to be abandoned. IMO
 
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