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House anxiety, General compulsive disorder and "things beyond" control solution

R

Ravippe

New member
Joined
May 2, 2021
Messages
1
Location
USA
So i suffered from compulsive disorder when i was 14-16 or so. It never really left me, per say, we always have this dark side that creeps up on us. Sometimes we think its general apprehension, or we just get scared of the unknown. Other times we start to recognize that its coming back.

Like Egg Shen said in big trouble in little china movie "It always beings very small...."
and if we let it... its gets very BIG.

When i was 15.. i felt i had to keep showering, cleaning, if i didn't do it right, meaning that my mind didn't register it felt good....i would have to repeat the cycle. Problem is it gets worse and more complicated. 10 steps becomes 50. 50 becomes 100. If you missed step 99, the next day you need to do 200. Its ridiculous.

So i said to myself. I don't enjoy living like this. Its work, when i wake up. I always feel im living for my compulsion. I knew i had it, but i was normal. Is my mind acting up, or is it me just making my life difficult, because its something for my mind to do lol.

First step is.. i said.... just be dirty... its ok.
I kept saying it, just be dirty its ok, when i had to do something.

So i would shower, and tell myself, im still dirty thats fine.
Wash my hair, its still dirty but thats fine.
I would be clean of course, but i always told myself IM dirty... because im dirty i dont need to be clean. But if im CLEAN, the right way, im never clean enough... Kinda silly isn't it ... but it works!

Touched the door, no problem, its dirty, my hands dirty, my shirt i touched is dirty. Thats fine.

Basically i reversed the "pattern" to what I WANTED. And eventually it disappeared for good. Took a few months, and sometimes you might repeat a step or two. But you mind has a natural ability to just "shut down" sometimes thats sleep, sometimes thats just looking out the window for 1 hour, and DO NOTHING. You will feel your surroundings and realize, nothing is really wrong. Because your mind ALWAYS tells you something is wrong, so the solution is....you need to FEEL everythings ok. And the only way to do that is to calm down and do nothing.

Now im 40, and one day i was in my home, been here for 5 years and my darn shower knob broke, couldn't shut off the water. Almost called emergency plumber. at 11pm.. but i said wait... I can shut off the water from behind the shower (shut off valve).

Took it apart, knob first, screw driver, pulled out plate, looked in, you know nothing major or destructive. Saw 4 screws holding this grey thing in, said oh well, lets unscrew this, waters shut off here. Bingo came off, googled it, found it, installed a new one works great.

But here is the problem. It started something last week, bringing back this crappy compulsive disorder.
Toilet now needs to be checked, Shower downstairs need to be checked, is the sewer system working? Did you check for leaks in the shower from the catridge (first few days i did because thats just smart plumbing) but after i noticed i kept checking it.. I was like.. on no, this sounds like what i had before. Check my roof, check my siding, check the outdoor spigot, its like NO. Im good at keeping an eye on things, but im not being compulsive again. The more i look, the more of "something else" ill find, because im looking for problems now.

Im writing this, as i think im getting over the last part of this week, everything is feeling more normal. Im relaxed, in front of my computer.... im chilling with tea. Getting back to my old style life again.

I told myself, everything works....
if its old.. it works
if it doesn't work "perfectly" it works.
let it break, if it does, ill call someone. Let it break first. I got some people on hand, plumber, or electrician. Who cares , just do some OT at work and it will be covered.

Sometimes you have to create a "way" out. Because if you dont get creative with yourself, your mind takes over you. You have to trick yourself. Pretty silly i know, but its genius.

This way i feel "less" of this need to check stuff. No more endless nights googling who fixes stuff, or reviews what products work and dont. Half of all reviews for any product are usually "this sucks" and half are usually "its good" its insane" you dont know whats good anymore. These are all things that can trigger more anxiety, at least for me.

So i hope this helps people kinda get through their day. Of if you started noticing patterns or problems, it worked for me.
I hope it works for you

God bless you
 
Sash1

Sash1

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 17, 2020
Messages
254
Location
Uk
Hi..gosh I can totally relate to this(OCD)..which at the moment has triggered my Anxieties, they're sky high and my Health Anxieties have taken over every waking minute, so depression crept into....full package this time..

I too have numbers, habits, routine, rituals that are driving me crazy..

But, I am fighting it, maybe not with a full army yet, but have a few recruits(in my head)..I've bargained that yes, I will do some rituals, some I'll put off until later and some I've tried to ignore..showers, baths, that feeling of never quite feeling clean enough..especially my hair, I need it to be clean and tied up neatly, so, I've put that off for a couple of nights(will wash it tonight)doesn't sound much but it's a little bit of a victory for me..

I do like the quote you mentioned "it always begins very small" I've never seen the movie..but I'll definatly keep that in mind today, I'll write it down and keep reminding myself of that...Thanks for that😊
 
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