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Hospital Appointment Today. Fear got in the way again



Well-known member
Oct 25, 2011
I went to hospital today to have a flexible sigmoidoscopy. I watched YouTube videos and read up on it on the internet and I was filled with dread, not for the actual camera part but for the preparation as I'm frightened of having vomiting and diarrhoea. They pose a serious phobias for me, so I was frightened of having an enema in case it made me vomit and get the diarrhoea.. none the less I went to the hospital had the enema part ok. it wasn't anyway as bad as I thought, and I know that I won't be frightened to have that again. However when it came to the actual camera part, I lasted all of about 3 minutes before I screamed and made them stop.. I feel such a failure.. I'm so useless and I know that I won't find out what's causing me to have bowel problems because I'm too afraid. I'm afraid of sedatives in case I throw up. I'm afraid of having gas and air because it can cause nausea and I'm afraid of having the procedure without any of it and feeling the pain... so I really don't know what to do. I don't have any support. They are aware I have autism but they don't seem to want to support me in the right way for me. I'm also very anxious and the doctor performing the procedure noticed that I had high anxiety and my heart rate increased... I've had bowel problems for a long time and then as soon as I started feeling pain I screamed 🛑 because I couldn't bear it and I didn't want to be sick and I just thought that basically this could cause me to be sick. I'm so totally scared of being sick (I always have been) that I couldn't carry on with it.. so now I'm at a loss I haven't had the full procedure. They stopped halfway. I thought Im such a coward and failure. I don't know what's going to happen now.. My fears do beat me and there's nothing much I can do about it. My fear of vomiting particularly and being sick and in pain limits my life so much.. I don't travel cos I'm frightened of being sick. I don't go in lifts in case I'm sick in them. I don't go any enclosed spaces for the same reason in case I get locked in and become sick. I don't eat a lot of foods incase I be sick. I should point out that in the past I have been sick and it's been very unpleasant and I've had to have injections to stop me from throwing up. I have a very weak gag reflex which means the slightest thing makes me whoop and gag. So it's not a groundless fear but I'm absolutely terrified of the physical act of vomiting . Now I hate myself because I didn't have the surgery that I was supposed to have today... and the staff thought I was a failure as well because they just put me in a room and left me to it. I had to get dressed and just leave on my own and that was that. Did anyone reading this have a colonoscopy or sigmoidoscopy? How did you manage?


Well-known member
Nov 10, 2019
I had a colonoscopy a long time ago and it was fine. I was a bit worried about some old man seeing my bare behind, and worried whether i had drank the laxative stuff properly (i kept heaving and spitting it out). All was fine. I was sedated or something like that was injected into my arm. That meant i wasn't really aware of much but could feel the air being blown in to inflate my bowels, that was uncomfortable. It was done extremely quickly though and after that inflated tummy part, i must have been given more sedation because i remember nothing else until i woke up in recovery.

I got up out of bed, had a cup of tea and biscuit, and went food shopping. Half way around, i felt quite tired and mum took me home. I felt very well and awake but later realised i actually felt weak and tired.

It really is no big deal. I would rather have ten colonoscopies than one cervical screening.
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