- Oct 25, 2011
I went to hospital today to have a flexible sigmoidoscopy. I watched YouTube videos and read up on it on the internet and I was filled with dread, not for the actual camera part but for the preparation as I'm frightened of having vomiting and diarrhoea. They pose a serious phobias for me, so I was frightened of having an enema in case it made me vomit and get the diarrhoea.. none the less I went to the hospital had the enema part ok. it wasn't anyway as bad as I thought, and I know that I won't be frightened to have that again. However when it came to the actual camera part, I lasted all of about 3 minutes before I screamed and made them stop.. I feel such a failure.. I'm so useless and I know that I won't find out what's causing me to have bowel problems because I'm too afraid. I'm afraid of sedatives in case I throw up. I'm afraid of having gas and air because it can cause nausea and I'm afraid of having the procedure without any of it and feeling the pain... so I really don't know what to do. I don't have any support. They are aware I have autism but they don't seem to want to support me in the right way for me. I'm also very anxious and the doctor performing the procedure noticed that I had high anxiety and my heart rate increased... I've had bowel problems for a long time and then as soon as I started feeling pain I screamed because I couldn't bear it and I didn't want to be sick and I just thought that basically this could cause me to be sick. I'm so totally scared of being sick (I always have been) that I couldn't carry on with it.. so now I'm at a loss I haven't had the full procedure. They stopped halfway. I thought Im such a coward and failure. I don't know what's going to happen now.. My fears do beat me and there's nothing much I can do about it. My fear of vomiting particularly and being sick and in pain limits my life so much.. I don't travel cos I'm frightened of being sick. I don't go in lifts in case I'm sick in them. I don't go any enclosed spaces for the same reason in case I get locked in and become sick. I don't eat a lot of foods incase I be sick. I should point out that in the past I have been sick and it's been very unpleasant and I've had to have injections to stop me from throwing up. I have a very weak gag reflex which means the slightest thing makes me whoop and gag. So it's not a groundless fear but I'm absolutely terrified of the physical act of vomiting . Now I hate myself because I didn't have the surgery that I was supposed to have today... and the staff thought I was a failure as well because they just put me in a room and left me to it. I had to get dressed and just leave on my own and that was that. Did anyone reading this have a colonoscopy or sigmoidoscopy? How did you manage?