hoping someone can help!

[dukeyduke]

hi i was hoping someone could helpme! ive been feeling a bit 'disturbed' for quite a while recently and find my behaviour to be worrying. i currently feel full of energy, but also at the same time pretty suicidal. ive tried to write a list of things to try and give you a bit of an idea of whats going on

im 85k in debt
debt happened before, promised my family would never happen again
gran died, tried to burn down for the for sale sign (!)
stolen money
lied to parents
cheated on girlfriend 5 years ago
smoked pot for 3 years
been promiscuous
used girls
have racing thoughts
thoughts of suicide in detail, how i would do it, most painless way. looked on net how to get a gun, how to hang etc
cut myself when i was younger
dont think of consequences eg spending
paranoid of phone calls/knocking on doors
paranoid of being cheated on
cant look people in the eye when walking down the street
shakes when in crowded places
if in a pub/cafe, have to have back to wall so i can see whats going on
back of class at school
sometimes lots of energy (cleaning etc) other times (whole weekend) sitting on sofa and achieve nothing
at work - sometimes lots of energy, othertimes none
sometimes dont eat, go to sleep late.
blame others a lot and get frustrated
got sacked from job for not being good enough/putting in effort
nearly lost current job for doing something i shouldnt have done
nearly lost current job again for lack of performance - made me frustrated, nobody listened
arrested for drink driving - narrowly kept my licence
dumped girlfriend - she cheated and lied, feel guilty
lack of interest in sex when with last girlfriend
wanting to harm people that irritate me
hate loud noises/constant talking
really bad memory - cant remember things minutes ago, can remember things a long time ago that i shouldnt remember
recurring dream about my dad - cant quite remember what happens, but not good?
people think im odd

sorry if this list is confusing! i've written this down mainly for my own use.
the reason im asking for advice on here, i went to see my doctor last year who referred me to a 'counsellor' which consisted of 9 sessions talking to someone, then telling me i'll be 'alright'. to their credit though, i probably only told them 1/2 of the above

any ideas??

 

[amethyst79]

Stop smoking pot. I swear to god that is what turned me mental. i stopped when i was 18

 

[dukeyduke]

hi! i stopped smoking pot about 2 years ago

 

[suki1066]

hi, the above 2 replies in my opinion are a fantastic 1st bit of advise. ppl think that dope is a harmless bit of fun..... for some ppl it is the first step towards long term mental health problems. you must be honest with your dr and write down as you have done here how you really are plus take someone who is supportive and honest and can perhaps give the dr a view on your behavour from someone who has observed you. i hope you can get some help and remember you have to put in some effort, drink and drugs dont help. if you use these things that are mind altering, they will alter your mind...... and do you really want to your life to be diffrent. if so then start with the first step. best wishes

 

[dukeyduke]

just to reiterate... i havent smoked pot for 2 years

 

[iffybob]

Ok ...

.. print off you first post on this thread , the stuff you wrote ....

... make a GPs appointment ... "and keep it"

.. tell the GP you need some help and you need some counciling ... this you "first step" ...

.. do the counciling ...

You also need to contact the "Citizens Advice Bureau" about dept conciling and get that sorted out for yourself ..

This is all just a start and you will have to work at it ...

Take care .. boB ..

 

[suki1066]

Good luck Dukey... you have been very honest, ihope you get some help, its not a quick fix, infact bloody difficult at times. xx