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Hopeless marriage

S

SWalt

Member
Joined
Oct 22, 2019
Messages
6
Location
Pennsylvania
I have been living with ocd now for 22 years. I have been on several different medications, all have which have worked relatively okay, not great. But I have experienced a past where my life was atleast livable. Within the last 3 years, the stress of my marriage has really grabbed onto my ocd and has made it unbearable. In turn it has put even more stress on my marriage. I see a therapist who my husband believes isn’t helping me. He wants to see more progress. And doesn’t understand why I’m not doing more to help myself. I honestly feel like I’m trying it’s just such a hard disease. I explained to him that my goal is to get better and I’m doing EPT. But it’s going to be a struggle the rest of my life. And I feel hopeless because I feel I’m just going to be a disappointment in his eyes the rest of our lives. I’m a prisoner of ocd and don’t feel anyone will ever want to be with someone like me.
 
hicks

hicks

Well-known member
Joined
May 14, 2019
Messages
1,243
Location
In a galaxy, far far away..
I really feel for you. It's so difficult for someone who doesn't have this condition, to understand it. I wonder if the pressure being put on you by your husband is making things worse though? Does he come with you to the therapy sessions? At the very least, he needs to understand what the condition is all about, and the anxieties that drive it.
What sort of OCD behaviours do you have, if you don't mind me asking?
 
I

indigo6

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 30, 2019
Messages
812
Location
UK
Hi S
This is sad isnt it. If it werent for your husband you would be ticking along trying to do what you can to cope and help yourself which is a admirable in itself. But no. You have an impatient insensitive male to report to. The pressure of him is adding a layer of worry.
To be fair on him, hes not unusual, majority of men see issues like yours as women being neurotic, pm, or like their mothers. Would he be responding like this if you had a physical illness, er nope. Theres others who are opposite and get it, you got one of the former.
Write a letter telling him nicely to f off. That hes making things worse and get yourself some back up around you x
 
hicks

hicks

Well-known member
Joined
May 14, 2019
Messages
1,243
Location
In a galaxy, far far away..
The hubby does seem to lack compassion and understanding, but to be fair it's a general problem with people who don't have the condition. I struggle to get my wider family to understand my daughter's problems, and why she can't 'just stop doing it' :rolleyes:
 
I

indigo6

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Joined
Jan 30, 2019
Messages
812
Location
UK
I know Hicks, Ive seen lack of understanding in all age groups and across genders. People who dont get it, dont get it having said that many men (obviously not you!) also have the added ever so slightly misogynist angle regarding womens mental health. Rolled eyes attitude. Women are often referred to as neurotic.
 
S

SWalt

Member
Joined
Oct 22, 2019
Messages
6
Location
Pennsylvania
I really feel for you. It's so difficult for someone who doesn't have this condition, to understand it. I wonder if the pressure being put on you by your husband is making things worse though? Does he come with you to the therapy sessions? At the very least, he needs to understand what the condition is all about, and the anxieties that drive it.
What sort of OCD behaviours do you have, if you don't mind me asking?
I am a big germophobe. I specifically clean things before I put them into the bathroom like toothpaste, deodorant, etc. bc I feel like other people have touched them and I don’t want it to be contaminated with other people’s germs. If I buy my son toys, I clean them out of the box before my son plays with them.
 
I

indigo6

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 30, 2019
Messages
812
Location
UK
You could say you are just very hygienic. I had a very bad virus years ago and -not compelled by ocd - I wiped over all the cans or packets I bought for a while after that once I was recovering, makes sense right?
Do you feel that something bad will happen if you dont do these things?
 
S

SWalt

Member
Joined
Oct 22, 2019
Messages
6
Location
Pennsylvania
You could say you are just very hygienic. I had a very bad virus years ago and -not compelled by ocd - I wiped over all the cans or packets I bought for a while after that once I was recovering, makes sense right?
Do you feel that something bad will happen if you dont do these things?
My problem is some of the things I do makes sense to me so it’s hard to get over. I am a super hygienic person and I guess my therapist said the difference is the fact that I have to do it no matter what. The fact I have to and can’t move on makes it an ocd thing? My struggle too is deciphering what is ocd and what is just a personality trait. On top of it all I take care of my 22 month old and I am 6 months pregnant.
 
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indigo6

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 30, 2019
Messages
812
Location
UK
Has it always been as strong as it is lately? Ive heard of women becoming like this when they have/having children, again it makes sense.
OCD is what you have to do without option, well there is but thats in recovery. So you being clean upsets your husband? :rolleyes: Is there anything else? is it germs/contamination or is it counting/ rituals.
 
B

Beriberi

Member
Joined
Sep 18, 2019
Messages
10
Location
Malaysia
How relatable. It's the worse when a family member can't understand, I can't speak for my mother 100%, but I can clearly see that my father has made her symptoms worse.

When it comes to mental illness, he has the backwards mindset where instead of being sick, you're just plain out weird and useless. So he's been against my mom ever since they had my brother and I. They hardly communicate as well, didn't see them talk to each other since forever. Do you do that with your husband though? Maybe it'll make him understand more, however if he still doesn't, it's definitely his problem already and not your fault.
 
S

SWalt

Member
Joined
Oct 22, 2019
Messages
6
Location
Pennsylvania
I try communicating and try helping him understand the condition the best I can. I tell him what I did in therapy that made me proud. He has no response. He tells me he supports me and has a great speech, and then you can guarantee 24-72 hours later he will totally flip and switch and flip out at me. It’s like I’m living our Groundhog Day. It’s an emotional rollercoaster. My eyelashes and hair have been falling out from all the stress. He went out of town for work the last few days and I was able to get a lot done around the house while he was gone because I felt less anxiety.
 
I

indigo6

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 30, 2019
Messages
812
Location
UK
Feel for you SWalt, hes impeding any progress. You dont need anyone doing that. Do you have friends or family that can be around more often maybe he would can it a bit?x
 
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