Honestly on my last string

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George10111

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2017
Messages
244
#1
First of all I wanted to thank anyone here who has shown support.

Its time to be honest. I'm not likely to live past age thirty. I'm 26 now. Life has been anything but fair. Nobody in my life has any idea I'm having these thoughts. I don't even think they know the debth of my pain and suffering.

I've been pretty wreckless lately, or casually seeking death. I borderline poison myself with drugs and alcohol every day and night. I go on hikes without weapons and protection because at this point I'm starting to not give a f***. I'm sorry if that sounds selfish but frankly I don't care. I can't take it anymore. I'm getting to my tipping point. Life is starting to seem like nothing but a reverse punishment. The fucked up thing is I thought I was at least a decent person before but the hardships are making me worse and worse and they get worse as I have soured more. Each time I try to do something right, something very bad happens and when I do something wrong, something bad happens. I've broken out into a terrible rash because of stress and I've lost hair. I've lost loads of weight and can't keep any on no matter how hard i try. I tried to call a therapist but they never called me back. I don't want to tell anyone in my life because I'm afraid they won't care or they'll overlook it.

Thanks for reading this ugly purge and again thanks for the love and support. I feel more comfortable expressing emotions here then anywhere else. I will try to help out the forum as much as I can but I'm pretty broken myself. I think its too late for me. If you're broken please get yourself help and don't let it become too late, like I did.
 
Valka

Valka

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 12, 2019
Messages
254
Location
England (NW)
#2
I hope you start to feel better soon George! Please try and tell someone if you can, as it can help immensely. Even if you try to reach out to someone and get turned down, there will be people who care out there. :hug:
 
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steve1953

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Feb 5, 2019
Messages
104
Location
Macclesfield
#3
I remember going to see my tinnitus specialist a few years ago after such a long wait, and saying to her help others 'its too late for me', but here I am fixed up and trying to help others. then a year later had the rashes problem both arms and legs, doctors couldn't fix it - then I started to research 'positive energy to self heal' - that fixed it. I will help you George if you want to look for improvements in your health.
 
Alendoiro

Alendoiro

New member
Joined
Jan 30, 2019
Messages
2
Location
Orlando, Fl
#4
Hi George, I'm April. I'm so sorry to hear that you are feeling so badly. It sounds like you have been through a lot and it's taken a lot of strength to get to this point. Do you have any support system close to you? it sounds like you really need to open up to someone close. You're taking a big step to talk with people on here. So many people find it hard to just verbalize their problems.
I'm sorry you have had a bad experience with the therapist not calling you back, but there are so many out there and so many that do care. It sounds like you have so much on your plate that you are totally overwhelmed, and you need someone that you can sit with just to try to sort out everything. Please keep trying to reach out. There are also those talk therapy lines that will help you over the phone, text, or video chat. I know you don't know me, but like the others, I am here for you, too. a994e05812d508b57673c2633cba5632.jpg
 
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George10111

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2017
Messages
244
#5
Thanks for the support. Yesterday was not a good day. To be honest I have more terrible days then even ok days. Some stupid teenagers tried to throw basketballs at me yesterday and they barely missed. At the rate they were going it would've knocked me down and out for sure. That was the straw that broke the camels back. I had a meltdown and literally almost killed myself. I was yelling, throwing things and punched holes in my wall. I'm sick of being bullied and have always been bullied as long as I can remember.

I'm stuck living with my parents because I've had so much financial hardship. Its been very hard to save. They want to move out of state, away from the home we've lived in for 23+ years. I grew up here and its going to be so hard to leave. I was hoping to come back later on, with my future wife and kids, if I have any and show them the house with all my fond memories. My parents will not listen to reason. They're literally not seeing the negative drawbacks of relocating and I don't want them to make a hugely grievous mistake.

Beats me why they want to move so far away from all their friends and family. Its been very hard for me, especially since relators and potential buyers keep coming into my room, going through my personal property all the time, I feel stripped of privacy. This has been a very, very dark start of the year.