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Honestly...Im Clueless...

L

LostRaid

New member
Joined
Jan 25, 2015
Messages
4
To be honest, i have no idea, my feelings are so awash i just dont know much any more.

So to begin with,

I dont cringe over things that are considered gruesome or sick, blood, guts gore none of it, and that has been the case for many of years.

i have seen horrific scenes, my uncle got torn a shred by a harvesting machine when i was 16, i was in the field over with my dad, we heard the screams and we ran over, my cousin was with my deceased uncle, my dad pulled my cousin over, but i was more interested in collecting parts of my uncle.

even after that i have seen horrific accidents and such but none of which seem to cause me any dis-comfort.

With all of that i day/dream(have nightmares) of causing pain and suffering upon others.

Now i this makes me (as far as i can see) a lunatic, but i broke up with my ex just over a month ago, and i try my hardest to make it happy and good for them, even at my own dispense.

And yet, i just think, is this life...i mean i am not suicidal and i have never had suicidal thoughts, but i feel like life is...well boring...i cant really describe it...it just feels like it should be more...


And well i dont know that the hell any of this means.
 
R

ricko4

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 7, 2014
Messages
179
To be honest, i have no idea, my feelings are so awash i just dont know much any more.

So to begin with,

I dont cringe over things that are considered gruesome or sick, blood, guts gore none of it, and that has been the case for many of years.

i have seen horrific scenes, my uncle got torn a shred by a harvesting machine when i was 16, i was in the field over with my dad, we heard the screams and we ran over, my cousin was with my deceased uncle, my dad pulled my cousin over, but i was more interested in collecting parts of my uncle.

even after that i have seen horrific accidents and such but none of which seem to cause me any dis-comfort.

With all of that i day/dream(have nightmares) of causing pain and suffering upon others.

Now i this makes me (as far as i can see) a lunatic, but i broke up with my ex just over a month ago, and i try my hardest to make it happy and good for them, even at my own dispense.

And yet, i just think, is this life...i mean i am not suicidal and i have never had suicidal thoughts, but i feel like life is...well boring...i cant really describe it...it just feels like it should be more...


And well i dont know that the hell any of this means.
lostraid i have the same feelings as you no suicidal toughts or selfharming but when people cross me in whichever way i plot revenge i was diagnosed with BPD and i worked as a slaughterman all my life so as you can imagine slaughterhouse i never felt anything just a job to me
 
L

LostRaid

New member
Joined
Jan 25, 2015
Messages
4
I have never seen a doctor because, i really dont know what to say, i made an appoitment 2 weeks agor for this wensday, to try and talk about all of this, but i am still at a loss...
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 17, 2012
Messages
13,529
Location
The West Country
I have never seen a doctor because, i really dont know what to say, i made an appoitment 2 weeks agor for this wensday, to try and talk about all of this, but i am still at a loss...
Is the appointment still in place?
I can understand how difficult things might be and it's never easy to articulate your feelings to what is essentially a stranger, but i'd hope that if you told a doctor about things, you'd get a referral to the mental health team and offered some support.
 
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