Homesickness and attachment anxiety

J

jojeba

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Dec 20, 2014
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18
Location
London
I've lived on the other side of the world from my parents for over a decade now. I go back every couple of years and they have come over about three times. I went home this Christmas for the first holiday with them in years - albeit brief, because the airfares are so crazy expensive at this time, and I could only get certain dates. Less than two weeks! It was high summer there and while normally I feel anxiety about tie with family, not being used to it, this time I got over my anxieties and really enjoyed the experience. However, since I left a few days ago, I've been seriously homesick. From the moment my Dad dropped me off at the airport to now, I keep having meltdowns. Sobbing, wailing, forming attachment to things related to my visit; even not washing clothes I wore when I was there. I know it's attachment anxiety at play but not sure how to deal with it. I Skyped my folks tonight to see if that helped but seeing the sun shining and my parents just kicking about (they are off work for a couple more weeks) on their own made it even worse. My mum admitted how much she would have loved to have me there even one more week, although she knows how much more expensive it was and wouldn't have wanted me to pay that even if I could. It's just so hard to be limited by airfares. Anyway. If anyone has any remedies for attachment anxiety and homesickness, then I would be super grateful. I feel sick to my stomach not knowing when I'll see my folks again, and even telling myself I'll save up to see them in six months still makes me want to cry... Because it's not now. I realise I'm being ridiculous but figured some of you here will have some good advice.

Thank you. x
 
Nikita

Nikita

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Hi Jojeba,
I do understand being homesick and wanting that love, security and reassurance of being around your parents.I guess the way I deal with attachment issues is to tell myself that as an adult it is unhealthy to emotionally depend on my parents and that by now,(I don't know how old you are,I am 51) I should be independent and able to stand on my own individuated two feet without leaning on my mum.

My mum is my one surviving parent,I am not the one to follow as my example is a bad one.I live in the same town as my mum and still ring her a couple of times as day.I am attached to her and it does get ridiculous how much I feel safer and more connected and emotionally secure when I maintain contact and communications with her regularly.

The important thing though is I can disconnect and not have contact for months and still feel secure and confident and emotionally strong without that contact.....though it has been a while since that has been put fully to the test.

i think reassure yourself that your parents aren't going anywhere and are at the end of the phone,available through letter writing, skype etc and will always be there next time you want to visit.You know they love you and will be there for you if you need them,there is no need to be anxious separated from them as you carry them or a part of them inside you and biologically you share their make up DNA.This makes me feel better about separation,it is tough because I suffered neglect as a child,was left alone often as a 5 year old, walked myself to school and came home to the doorstep waiting outside till mum came home from work to let me in,so the roots of separation anxiety were laid long ago for me.

Maybe explore your own history and see what insights you may find to help you with what you are going through today in terms of attachment anxieties.There must be I am sure lots written about this too.Nikitax
 
M

MarlieeB

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Is there a chance your parents could help pay for a ticket for the next time you go along?

Is there actually anything keeping you from going back to live with your parents?

Take care.

Marliee x
 
J

jojeba

Member
Joined
Dec 20, 2014
Messages
18
Location
London
Thanks for your reply Marliee...
I couldn't live back there. I've built my life here; the career opportunities for what I do are all here, and if I went back it would only be to be near to family, rather than me being true to myself. It's not a question of giving into homesickness and giving up my life to move back, but finding a way to deal with the attachment anxiety of being apart. That's what I am looking for advice on...

(And they do chip in for my airfares when they can but none of us have a lot of money and it's never a cheap journey, unfortunately!)

xx

Is there a chance your parents could help pay for a ticket for the next time you go along?

Is there actually anything keeping you from going back to live with your parents?

Take care.

Marliee x
 
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