S
Soren
Well-known member
when i became severely ill a year ago (my latest in a long series of breakdowns), i couldn't work or pay my rent. i was on the verge of homelessness when my parents offered to let me stay with them, back in my home town.
i accepted their offer out of desperation and i should be very grateful to them. but the problem is that i've always had a very difficult relationship with most of my extended family. we see the world very differently, and have very different political, moral and social attitudes. i also largely blame them for my long history of mental health problems (childhood bullying, injustice, malice etc.).
i've been happier away from them all these years (i'm 32), pursuing my own life. but now of course, in this situation, i can't be myself or say what i really think, as it would cause too much friction (some of my family are extremely obnoxious and ignorant). so i just have to keep my mouth shut and try to keep things as civil as possible - just to keep the peace i suppose.
this makes me feel trapped, suffocated, stifled, stunted, caged and humiliated - just like my childhood! even my brother's kids think they can take the piss and try to humiliate me. i don't have the energy or the power to deal with them, the little b******s.
i've been thinking for a while, that since i seem to be incapable of killing myself, homelessness would offer me more dignity - at least i would be my own man again.
and on top of all this, i feel hypocritical and guilty for not being more grateful. after all, my parents at least, are trying very hard to help me, and i don't want to hurt them.
what should i do?
i accepted their offer out of desperation and i should be very grateful to them. but the problem is that i've always had a very difficult relationship with most of my extended family. we see the world very differently, and have very different political, moral and social attitudes. i also largely blame them for my long history of mental health problems (childhood bullying, injustice, malice etc.).
i've been happier away from them all these years (i'm 32), pursuing my own life. but now of course, in this situation, i can't be myself or say what i really think, as it would cause too much friction (some of my family are extremely obnoxious and ignorant). so i just have to keep my mouth shut and try to keep things as civil as possible - just to keep the peace i suppose.
this makes me feel trapped, suffocated, stifled, stunted, caged and humiliated - just like my childhood! even my brother's kids think they can take the piss and try to humiliate me. i don't have the energy or the power to deal with them, the little b******s.
i've been thinking for a while, that since i seem to be incapable of killing myself, homelessness would offer me more dignity - at least i would be my own man again.
and on top of all this, i feel hypocritical and guilty for not being more grateful. after all, my parents at least, are trying very hard to help me, and i don't want to hurt them.
what should i do?