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    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

Home-sickness

S

SJLPHII

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 26, 2017
Messages
120
Well, I'll share some stories of my life.

When I was 11, I moved from Korea to Canada. I grew up with an abusive older brother who once threatened to cut my tongue off, and my mother literally gave him a pair of scissors because he spat on her face and punched her in the face.

When I was 16, I left home, and joined the army reserve, and when I turned 17, I started University and stayed in the reserve. I left school when I was 19 to join the regular force army, and saw some really nasty things on this planet.

Over time, I forgave my parents and my brother, and they have all become strangers to me. I got injured and started investing into another career and returned to school. I am 26 now, and I am quite well invested into the new career.

I've had 6 previous girlfriends, all of whom had anxiety, depression, add/adhd, learning disability + other things, one committed suicide, one died from drug overdose, others want nothing to do with me to this day, even when I reached out to them. Literally 100% of the girls I date apparently suffers from the mental illnesses, in Canada.

My dog, who has been the source of nothing but smiles since I was 10 died last year. He represented home, on my worst days he made me smile. I used to visit my parents really just to see him. Last night, I was looking at his photographs and couldn't help but cry.

I am far from home, I am at the end of my 2 months long work trip in the new career. I loved the experience, and made some of the greatest people in my life, and had some of the most amazing experiences that I'll never forget. I dated some people who were actually very healthy, but I am exhausted. I need to rest.

I never felt belong in Canada. With the superficial "progressiveness" I was met with superficial gestures, but never an invitation with open arms. I've never faced so much racism than anywhere I have in the world. Much more xenophobic than France, Germany, Switzerland, Australia, or U.K.

Thinking about "home", Ottawa, I realize I am going back to the town with painful memories, with failing economy, in an apartment building with most residents mentally ill, strangers with smiles with self entitlement, and self-absorptive minds.

Whereas, the places I visited, I made some really good connections, and I have never felt so close to home that I never had.

I am tired, and I am sick of where I currently call home. I intend to do my doctorate degree in Europe, and make it my home.

I feel like sharing this, because I feel as though I am homeless.
 
Poopy Doll

Poopy Doll

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Joined
Jun 13, 2015
Messages
11,502
Location
Fort Lauderdale, Florida, USA
Hi there. I hope you will feel at home finally when you move to Europe. That sounds like a good plan. One of my sons and his wife live in France. They love it there.
 
S

SJLPHII

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 26, 2017
Messages
120
Funny, I did make it to Europe. Unfortunately back at this forum because of a divorce.
 
Ladyfair

Ladyfair

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Joined
Aug 12, 2020
Messages
1,735
Location
USA
welcome back!
 
S

SJLPHII

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 26, 2017
Messages
120
Thanks, I built my home where I felt really belong with my wife, for our future. Unfortunately It didn't work out. At least I know now that I can create a new home for myself in this beautiful world, maybe someday with her again or maybe by myself or maybe with someone new.
 
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