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holiday from hell

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telemetry9

Guest
I went on holiday with my sister and my three year old neice and a friend but I didn't have a lot of money. It worried me and my sister offered to give me some more money in front of the friend and I was tired and over sensitive and my pride was hurt and I blew it out of proportion.
In the car I really felt I couldn't go on with the holiday after what this "friend" said about my reaction and over reaction. I said I just wanted to go back home. Probably in the drive home I would have seen how silly it was to over react to something as pointless as money. But I just felt I couldn't continue with what we were doing then and there and just wanted to go home or have some space to myself.
The "friend" was driving the car knowing my 3 year old neice was in the back and she was fine and in good humour as no one was shouting or out of control. In a moment he lost control and sped up the car (along very precarious roads) and started screaming at the top of his voice that I wasn't going to ruin his holiday. At high speed he started swerving the vehicle towards the opposite side of the road and back again. By this stage he was threatening to crash the car if I didn't "see sense" but by this stage I was frozen in terror and with sheer surprise at what was unfolding. By this stage my sister was sobbing in the back and my neice was crying.
Eventually he stopped the car and went and had a cigarette outside. I was in shock and amazed at what had just happened. For a couple of days I didn't say much but it grew in me that he had damaged my neice in what he had done in some way. She began crying in the car for no reason as if she was remembering what happened. I began to hate him for what he did and resent my sister for pretending everything was OK.
I decided to leave and told him that what he had done was an act of savagery against an innocent child and that no matter what silly disagreements people have there can never be an excuse for threatening the safety of people and especially a small child who doesn't know better. I know he has damaged her in some way and I can't help but think it is my own fault for incurring this kind of madness in someone through my own stupidity.
I left the place we were staying and came home and am now on my own. I haven't heard from my sister (who i usually see everyday and miss my neice terribly) and I am appalled that she could just carry on with the holiday after what had happened. Though I don't think I will go into that with her when she returns tomorrow.
I don't think I ever want to see this person again. I hate the fact that he may have created a sense of terror and anxiety in a small child. My neice means the world to me. How I reacted was silly and over sensitive but it didn't merit that kind of response. I blame myself for the whole event.
I am on my own now without my best friends (my sister and neice) and keep thinking something terrible has happened to them. I am angry that my sister has only phoned me once to see if I got home safely. She knows I haven't been well and have had a very bad reaction to medication which I now can't take. I feel she has chosen to pacify and appease this person and forgotten about me or how I am worried sick about my neice and her.
I am incredibly depressed and lonely and feel I have been abandoned and left alone to deal with the truth of what just happened. A couple of times before I left he said to my neice when she was doing something silly "do you want me to get angry again?" to her. I couldn't believe he said this on three occasions and I told him that what happened wasn't an accolade to be proud of and he shouldn't use that kind of behaviour as a means of disciplining a child. The more I think about it - the more I hate this person and how they treated the person who is most important to me in the whole world.
I am confused and upset and don't know what to do when my sister comes back. I have been crying a lot and wondering how my life is always full of these traumatic events - but now they involve a little girl in something she should never have been witness to. I know it would have taken some light from her spirit and that breaks my heart.
Every day my hatred and dislike for this person grows and I hope he doesn't appear at my house with a smile and everything is ok.
I had been looking forward to this holiday for a long time - but it became the holiday from hell and now I have all these broken pieces to pick up. I know he will turn it around and make me out to be the culprit and reason for his behaviour. I take responsibility for my pride and stupidity but I wasn't screaming or shouting - i really did just want to go home in my sense of exhaustion and disapointment. But look what I created out of that - chaos.
I am completely alone now and have no idea how my neice is (i have only not seen her in 2 days of her whole life). I have tried to phone my sister's mobile but it is only at answering mode and I haven't hear from her since Wednesday. I keep thinking it isn't like her not to call me or let me know how she and my neice are doing or just to see if I am ok. I am worried sick and keep thinking he has done something to them in a fit of rage. I don't know were to turn or what to do as I just can't see my sister not phoning me unless she really blames me for what happened. It just seems so out of character for her not to call me and I am very hurt by that - knowing the past we have both had. Maybe she is moving on now.
I am scared and upset and utterly depressed at what happened and how my medication has made me ill and now I don't have that. I am so sorry for this being so long but I have no one I can turn to but this place. I have to tell someone.
 
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Roxy

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Jan 13, 2008
Messages
86
Location
Scotland
Hi telemetry9, Its totally understandable that you feel upset right now. When we're in the grip of anxiety/depression we behave in ways that others can't or won't comprehend and it may be that your sister has felt that you over reacted about the money/holiday situation. Give her some time to calm down and maybe write her a letter explaining how you're feeling at the moment, hopefully she'll see things from a different perspective. As for the 'friend' I wouldn't waste my time trying to analyse his behaviour, he obviously has issues that need addressed, but I wouldn't advise you to get involved, you have yourself to take care of.

Take heart from the fact that myself, and probably many others in the forum, have faced similar problems, its par for the course with our unpredictable condition, but we learn to cope as we are stronger than we think.:hug:
 
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telemetry9

Guest
thank you roxy.

i am just trying to tell them i need some space right now. they just got back today. i am feeling pretty awful generally.

thank you for you balanced view that i needed to hear.
 
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telemetry9

Guest
very much at the edge of things. I feel like I am coming to the end of something.
I try to do things that I know will help me - but there is a lot of loneliness in my heart right now. A lot of sadness and dread that I am letting the people I love down. That I simply can't sustain feeling this way but feel really out of options now.
I'm not sure were to turn.
It would be good if I drank because then I could escape for a while maybe. But I don;t.
I hope things will change.

thank you
robert.
 
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jamesdean

Guest
this is not your fault

hi robert, i read your story n i think it is really sad, i do feel 4 u because i dont have a sister but my cousin has always been like a sister, we didnt speak once 4 about 5 years but r relationship is stronger now than ever, not that i'm thinking u have 2 wait 5 years 2 speak with your sister, i hope all this resolves much sooner n that u can continue your lovely relationship with both your sister n niece.
but like i said none of its your fault, this guy really does sound a right nob! Hopefully your sister will c through him soon enough, unfournately there r such dick heads in the world, i know u have been beating yourself up because of the incident but that was tiny in respect(it just that r mind makes it out 2 feel so much bigger)
U have such a good relationship with your sister, obviously i will b a shame if she does continue 2 b friends with this guy, u will need 2 have 2 work out some coping plans of how u want 2 deal with the situation hopefully your sister will not tell him your medical details that wouldnt b very nice 4 u. I hope things resolve soon keep posting if it helps, its nice talking 2 u takecare james:colours::colours:
 
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telemetry9

Guest
hi james,

My sister and I are fine now and my neice is thriving. I'm still very wary of our mutual friend. I just never thought he would do that in front a little child. I thought perhaps he would love her enough not to threaten or terrify a child - but I was wrong. I've known this guy for years and we have been friends but I really saw a different side to him on that day. I knew he had a temper but I just assumed he knew it wasn't ok to threaten a child. No one will ever hurt or threaten my neice's mental well being by threatening them in that way. I don't care who they are - unless he admits he needs help for his anger/rage then I won't be seeing him and our friendship won't be the same.
He came around sort of sheepishly and tried to apologize and I told him I wasn't angry with him but that I needed space to think. I lied because I just wanted him to go away without any more drama going on. I've known this person for years but I still can't believe he could terrify a child like that.
In one sense it has made me realize I need to broaden my horizons in terms of friendship and start to look elsewhere and not rely on this person being my only friend. I never want my neice to experience the feeling of danger of being in a car or feeling afraid of someone.
Thank you for your empathy and consideration and yes you are right in saying the situation is very sad. But it has taught me something about people and how it is important to have people who don't become enraged in a disagreement. That rage destroys everyone's self esteem and confidence in the terrible things that may happen because of their anger (or threaten to happen). I simply won't accept that for myself or for my neice and I hope my sister can realize the same in time.
 
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