HOCD relapse :( scared and alone



New member
Apr 24, 2018
So basically when I was 16 i am now 23 I use to fantasise about incest I’m not really sure why but it seemed to be what I was into at the time anyway after a good time masturbating to this one day in the moment I seemed to have a same sex thought which popped into my head which I assume or my head tells me I got off too. Anyway after that happen HOCD spiralled out of control I started watching gay porn to see if I was aroused which I wasn’t i thought about having sex with men and my friend which did not arouse me. Every time I would walk down the street I would be anxious looking at a man or even hearing the word gay would make me extremely anxious. Now I’m 23 and still plagued by this which I am now seeking help for I have had about 3 years where I was fine meeting girls I had one girlfriend who i loved but unfortunately it did not work out anyway everything was ok until recently my ocd got spiked and this all started coming into my head again and the why question etc anyway I guess I just need some reassurance at the moment that I’m normal I know it’s not right but I’m really struggling thinking of why I had this fantasy etc even though it’s been 7 YEARs I still can’t get over it. I’m just very scared and alone I am seeking therapy at the moment I think the nature of the fantasy as it was taboo was what aroused me and I have read that others with HOCD have had similar fantasy’s that have aroused them and they are not gay. I think about that fantasy now or any man and I don’t have the slightest bit of arousal but I just can’t seem to let it go do you think this is HOCD sorry I just needed to vent sorry for the wall of text I’m just very down. I really need some support right now :( finding it really tough to be alone and i know i should not be seeking reassurance but im really struggling


May 5, 2018
Hang in there until you can get the proper help you need, sending positive vibes your way. *virtual hug* xoxo ��
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