HOCD...Or A Loada Bull !

Sweetie

Sweetie

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Hi,
Could someone please tell me if this is a form of OCD. I have searched the thoughts i have and it calls itself HOCD. It stands for Homosexual Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

Okay, what it is for me is that randomly and quite often i would get this thought in my head like "what if i am gay". Now, just to clarify i am not gay. I am definitely straight, but these thoughts are stressful and cause me anxiety. It also make me paronoid that people think i am gay.

For those that could give me any feedback it would be greatly apprichated..

Thanks...Sweetie
 
Uglulyx

Uglulyx

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I honestly don't see any problem with homosexuality. But I'm curious as to exactly why it would bother you. Plus so what if people think you are gay? If they treat you differently based on a thin conclusion that you are gay do you really want to be around them anyway?

Also (And I am really not suggesting anything here, honest) in my experience bi/homo sexual people tend to "discover" rather than decide their sexuality. Just seemed worth noting.

Just try not to worry about it.
 
C

coraline1664

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It sounds like what you are dealing with may be what in a clinical setting is called 'pure obsessional OCD'- which is a label for obsession without the physicial (visible) compulsions. Of course I'm not qualified to diagnose you- but it did ring a bell for me, and labels aside I can still talk about the issues you are dealing with, which is the important thing.
I suffer from similar ruminating compulsions but not related to questioning my sexuality. Some of the most common obsessive thoughts are an unrelenting fear of causing harm, an unrelenting fear of being unfaithful in a relationship, switching sexual orientation (which seems to be what you fear), steering or running into traffic or turning against one's religion or beliefs.

How often are these thoughts taking up your time? How distressed do you feel by the thought cycles? Do you find yourself fighting with these thoughts and dealing with every conceivable variation of the imagined situation?

Uglulyx is right, you cannot switch your sexuality by just thinking about it- although I know it does feel like all sorts of things can happen by just thinking about them with these obsessions. However many times these thoughts appear, you are still what you want to be. You have the control.
The more you respond to or fight the question or proposed scenario that appears in your head, the more relentless these thoughts can appear. I know that I feel I have to respond to the thought in my head to make it go away- but it only makes the thought distrubances more frequent.

I understand that this is a very sensitive subject but has there been an event in your life that has set these thoughts off?
A religious girl in my primary school told me that I was going to hell and she was going to heaven- this was my first obsession. If I did anything that I thought could possibly be perceived by a god as wrong- I would apologise to him in my head (and it had to be in exactly the same way each time). I would then set myself random tasks that if I failed, I was convinced I'd go to hell. I have had various issues with these strange thoughts in different manifestations since this young age. My last bad episode of this was in the summer, I am almost free of them at the moment.

I don't think that you are homophobic, but that you are terrified that something you strongly believed about yourself is somehow actually not the case. Try your best to not be bothered about the thoughts as they appear, because they have no weight. That would be my first suggestion.
There isn't much professional help for pure ocd in the UK at the moment, but I will find the titles of some books I have found helpful and get back to you.
 
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Sweetie

Sweetie

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Honeslty i dont understand why it bothers me. Maybe its just the fact that im not gay. I have nothing against people that are gay at all. I know a couple of people who are and i dont judge them on their sexuality.
I know my friends would never treat me differently if i was attracted to the same sex. Its just my paronioa gets the better of me.

The other obsessional thought i have is suicide. This now takes up more time then the thought of being gay. The thought of suicide is daily and quite frequently during some difficult days. The thoughts of being gay would be nearly daily and occur less often but that one is more distressing for me. The thought of being gay makes me anxious because its like someone is telling me im not who i am, when i know who i am.
It puts doubts in mind mind. When im with friends, like i said before i get paroniod they think im hiding something.
- its really difficult to explain
Suicide thoughts they distress me as i fear that one day il take it a step further.

Its the anxiety from it all i cant bare. Ive had enough anxiety and i dont know how much more i can handle...

With the suicide one, i have thought of every single way it can be done and ive made myself believe i will do it then i reason with myself etc. With HOCD i would try and just forget about it. I would try and give it no energy but the thought always find energy some other way!

No particular event for developing HOCD, that i can think of. Oh thinking of it now there is one thing that may have contributed. Ill PM you. But that happened to me 4/5 years ago. Also i can think of another reason...PM again.

Thanks...Sweetie
 
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