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HOCD dream and basically my whole HOCD tmi (long but I’m begging please read)

T

ThatGuy104

Member
Joined
Feb 13, 2021
Messages
15
Location
Georgia
HOCD dream and basically my whole HOCD tmi (long but I’m begging please read)

Tbh this might be pretty vulgar but I’m just gonna go ahead and tell you guys what happened to me, right now the anxiety I’m feeling is unbearable but I’m going to say everything to you guys, I don’t even care if you call me gay at this point I just need the harsh truth, this is gonna be one of the grossest posts I’ve made but please read it properly before you come to your conclusion


So my HOCD has mainly been focused around the genitals of a man, this HOCD came randomly as I never imagined myself to have anything to do with it, although I kept getting intrusive thoughts and groinal responses, I never masturbated to it as I never had an urge to but I got bad intrusive thoughts, sometimes about oral, they weren’t arousing but they kept bombarding me, it got so bad that I couldn’t even watch women do oral in porn because I was getting mouth sensations, it was truly a random thing that happened as I had no problem with porn escalation or anything, it was just a weird thought that my brain latched onto, probably because the genitals of a man and being attracted to it was pretty sure fire evidence that you were gay since it was unique to a man, that’s probably why I didn’t get HOCD about abs or male butts because I could win over my HOCD by saying “women can have abs and butts too”, so it went and latched onto this

This all happened on the first week, the second week of it all I had a dream where I gave oral to a dude, I was tripping out when I woke up and I started crying and shaking, I was traumatised for a couple months after that and then it started to get better, I also realised that I was in third person when it happened so it’s not like I was the one exactly doing that so knowing that kept me at ease, today however was a very bad day, my intrusive thoughts started to come back and they were so bad I couldn’t sleep, it was almost giving me a headache, I probably had about 4-5 dreams as I kept waking up to these intrusive thoughts, however, the last dream was the worst, it happened again for the 2nd time ever (first one was in October now we’re in June), I was trying so hard to not let it enter my dreams but this happened. I was dreaming that me and my friend had lined up to have sex with these female pornstars and before it became my turn this random dude in the crowd whipped out his penis, and in the dream I was having intrusive thoughts and next thing I know it was oral all over again, but it was weird because I felt like I was testing myself, I wasn’t even aroused at all but I didn’t feel disgust, and like the other dream it started off in third person again but this time I realised that and it put me in first person so I couldn’t use that excuse when I woke up, my HOCD did that on purpose and now I can actually say I gave oral in my dream, even in the dream I was trying so hard to wake myself up but it was too late, in fact I saw the dream coming when I was having those intrusive thoughts, I’m all kinds of fucked man, I trying to hold in the tears but why does this keep happening to me, how much of my manhood and dignity does this thing want to take from me??? I was looking forward to my birthday in 2 days but this really messed up my whole week now, I was doing better but now it’s back again, I have to start this all over again ffs, I can’t do it, it’s like I’m being physically molested every time I sleep
 
Kabuki

Kabuki

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May 25, 2021
Messages
43
Location
Radio Rentals - just left of Fraggle Rock!
Gosh! Poor you! I am so sorry to hear about your HOCD. I have to be honest, I hadn't heard of it before your post (forgive me). I've read up on it now, and it sounds awful. I do hope you are feeling better after writing it all down. Journaling can be quite helpful. I talk on a Dictaphone. I just ramble on, but it really helps. I do not listen back though, I have hours of dictation, that I have barely listened to, and it does not matter, because it's the talking to the machine that helps me. Strange I know! Thank you for sharing!
 
K

KangolRaver

Member
Joined
Apr 21, 2021
Messages
9
Location
Uk
STOP LOOKING FOR REASSURANCE!!!!

This is your fifth post over a short period of time about the same thing!!!!

You are seeking reassurance which no one can give you. Maybe you are gay, maybe you’re not, live your life and see who you fall in love with.
 
K

KangolRaver

Member
Joined
Apr 21, 2021
Messages
9
Location
Uk
Steady! :eek2: As I said above, I had to look up the condition as I knew nothing about it. If as you say reassuring is "counter-productive", then could you suggest something that would be productive?
Letting the thoughts be there because they mean nothing.
I’d recommend reading up about it. I’m sure your intentions are good, but don’t entertain nonsense. Best thing to do is remind people loud and clear.
As harsh as it sounds, it’s the way out of it.
IMHO OCD is a symptom of severe social anxiety and low self esteem. Chicken or egg. It will also cause massive depression. There is nothing to figure out with OCD, it means nada.
The theme maybe related to something in the past, but its the other factors I mentioned above that need solving.
OCD is literally meaningless
 
K

KangolRaver

Member
Joined
Apr 21, 2021
Messages
9
Location
Uk
Thank you for the recommendation. My intentions are good, thank you for noticing. "Entertaining nonsense" - that is your opinion not mine!
To clarify, the OCD is the nonsense, not the person.
 
F

Freewilldeterminist

New member
Joined
Jun 10, 2021
Messages
3
Location
Los Angeles
HOCD dream and basically my whole HOCD tmi (long but I’m begging please read)

Tbh this might be pretty vulgar but I’m just gonna go ahead and tell you guys what happened to me, right now the anxiety I’m feeling is unbearable but I’m going to say everything to you guys, I don’t even care if you call me gay at this point I just need the harsh truth, this is gonna be one of the grossest posts I’ve made but please read it properly before you come to your conclusion


So my HOCD has mainly been focused around the genitals of a man, this HOCD came randomly as I never imagined myself to have anything to do with it, although I kept getting intrusive thoughts and groinal responses, I never masturbated to it as I never had an urge to but I got bad intrusive thoughts, sometimes about oral, they weren’t arousing but they kept bombarding me, it got so bad that I couldn’t even watch women do oral in porn because I was getting mouth sensations, it was truly a random thing that happened as I had no problem with porn escalation or anything, it was just a weird thought that my brain latched onto, probably because the genitals of a man and being attracted to it was pretty sure fire evidence that you were gay since it was unique to a man, that’s probably why I didn’t get HOCD about abs or male butts because I could win over my HOCD by saying “women can have abs and butts too”, so it went and latched onto this

This all happened on the first week, the second week of it all I had a dream where I gave oral to a dude, I was tripping out when I woke up and I started crying and shaking, I was traumatised for a couple months after that and then it started to get better, I also realised that I was in third person when it happened so it’s not like I was the one exactly doing that so knowing that kept me at ease, today however was a very bad day, my intrusive thoughts started to come back and they were so bad I couldn’t sleep, it was almost giving me a headache, I probably had about 4-5 dreams as I kept waking up to these intrusive thoughts, however, the last dream was the worst, it happened again for the 2nd time ever (first one was in October now we’re in June), I was trying so hard to not let it enter my dreams but this happened. I was dreaming that me and my friend had lined up to have sex with these female pornstars and before it became my turn this random dude in the crowd whipped out his penis, and in the dream I was having intrusive thoughts and next thing I know it was oral all over again, but it was weird because I felt like I was testing myself, I wasn’t even aroused at all but I didn’t feel disgust, and like the other dream it started off in third person again but this time I realised that and it put me in first person so I couldn’t use that excuse when I woke up, my HOCD did that on purpose and now I can actually say I gave oral in my dream, even in the dream I was trying so hard to wake myself up but it was too late, in fact I saw the dream coming when I was having those intrusive thoughts, I’m all kinds of fucked man, I trying to hold in the tears but why does this keep happening to me, how much of my manhood and dignity does this thing want to take from me??? I was looking forward to my birthday in 2 days but this really messed up my whole week now, I was doing better but now it’s back again, I have to start this all over again ffs, I can’t do it, it’s like I’m being physically molested every time I sleep
Hi, just stopped by to say I feel your pain, I understand what youre going through- sounds like OCD alright. They are just thoughts, thoughts are natural and flow and just because associations and connections form in the brain (aka a thought) doesn’t mean there is anything of substance behind it. Thoughts are wild and to put it on yourself to try to control them is a HUGE burden. Your journey will be discovering what emotions your OCD has been protecting you from. I totally get feeling pissed at yourself cause you feel like you could have avoided how you feel now, but you couldnt have done anything different. Happy birthday.
 
M

Myocdkeepsconkingme

New member
Joined
Jun 14, 2021
Messages
1
Location
Canada
My question is what would happen if you were gay? Worst case atleast in your mind let that sink in and go through the process imagine what would happen if you were actually gay? Btw I don’t think your gay OCD is all about forcing thoughts in your head of the things that are most unlike you abs upset you the most. I also agree asking for constant reassurance is a compulsion ask for help and advice when you need it but recognize when it’s become a compulsion
 
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