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HOCD and loss of aesthetic attraction

A

AlphaChipster

New member
Joined
Nov 27, 2019
Messages
2
Location
France
Hello,
I have had an OCD with sexual orientation as a theme for three years now. I had strong intrusive thoughts/images, I was constantly ruminating, I was afraid to be in denial, I was afraid to become gay in the future, I was always very anxious (I had a knot in my stomach all the time...), I had the impression, from one day to the next, to find all the men I saw beautiful (never in my life I had told myself that a man was beautiful...), I was looking for stories similar to mine on the web to make me feel better. After a little over a year in this state, I accepted that I had OCD, stopped reacting to thoughts and in about two months, the symptoms and anxiety disappeared. I had two weeks where everything was fine (I still had a few intrusive thoughts but they didn't mean anything anymore, I didn't care). After these two weeks, in March 2018, overnight, I lost my ability to find some women beautiful, they seemed to me full of flaws. First of all, girls I have always found beautiful, then the whole female population. It's as if I've become a thousand times more difficult, the girls I thought were beautiful are no longer beautiful or are much less so, I see defects everywhere, I notice more make-up... Obviously, all this made me anxious at first, less than before but anxious anyway, after six months, Anxiety has reduced to the point of being only mental and, for a year, I thought I was no longer anxious (but I thought about it, and I think about it every day[the reduction of my aesthetic attraction]), I recently learned that anxiety can materialize into simple worries and that it can affect attraction. I check every day to see if my attraction returns, I guess it doesn't help to get her back, but it's such a torture for me not to find women beautiful like before. I cried for a long time every night about it, wondering if it would come back completely.
So it's been about eighteen months since my aesthetic attraction to women (my ability to find them beautiful) has greatly reduced, as has my anxiety. My psychologist told me that I was stuck in a self-directed loop that fed on anxiety. I'm not attracted, so I'm scared, so I'm not attracted. She offered me antidepressant treatment, I have an appointment with the psychiatrist in a little over a month. Unfortunately, my psychologist had to take a break because of her pregnancy, so I don't know who to turn to to ask my question (I live in France, OCD is not very well treated here). Before I found my current psychologist, I met two of them, both of them practicing CBT, the first one tried to psychoanalyze me, the second one told me that my attraction might not come back entirely (and told me illogical things, making the consequence come before the cause...).

The latter has therefore increased a fear in me: the fear that my aesthetic attraction towards women will never fully return. Having trouble considering myself anxious (the fear that it will never come back entirely is always in a corner of my head, I always check if my aesthetic attraction towards women has returned but I no longer have any physical anxiety at all). The more time goes by, the more legitimate this fear is (it has already been eighteen months since my ability to find women beautiful has been greatly reduced).

So my question is this: could my aesthetic attraction to women not come back entirely?

I'm sorry to bother you with this, but as mentioned above, OCD is a little known disease in France, finding a psychologist or psychiatrist competent in this field is very complicated (even among CBT practitioners), my psychologist having to be absent because of her pregnancy, I don't know where to turn.

Please, please help me.
 
calypso

calypso

Well-known member
Admin
Moderator
Joined
Jan 5, 2011
Messages
44,649
Location
Lancashire
I think its very hard to overcome some intrusive thoughts like this. I practice Mindfulness to help me. You say you fear being gay, but could you be bisexual and that is why you feel a lck of attraction to women? I presume you are male are you?

I feel that there must be a cause to all this, a trigger which set you off on this path. Can you think of anything? Sometimes a part of childhood that remains unresolved can be a start. Have you had girlfriends in the past? If so what happened to those relationships?

There is a theory called animus/anima. For men, its the anima. We have an idolised version of the opposite sex, a perfect being which no real person can possibly match up to. Its a part of ourselves which we have within us, a part which feels perfect to us. Read up on it and see if its relevant. No one person can possibly be perfect, but as you say, OCD sometimes takes the line of needing perfection. For some its the perfectly clean environment which haunts them, for others its the perfect list of things to do before they can leave the house. At the root is a fear or an anxiety about what will happen if "rules" aren't followed. OCD is badly treated in Britain too with few resources put aside for it. You are lucky to have a psychologist in the first place.

I don't know the answer to what you are experiencing and can't offer concrete answers for you like do this and all will be well. You are doing all that needs to be done to help yourself.

Look up Mindfulness and see what you think. I have written a very BRIEF intro here:

 
S

Shiva

Active member
Joined
Nov 15, 2019
Messages
29
Location
Canada
Hello,
I have had an OCD with sexual orientation as a theme for three years now. I had strong intrusive thoughts/images, I was constantly ruminating, I was afraid to be in denial, I was afraid to become gay in the future, I was always very anxious (I had a knot in my stomach all the time...), I had the impression, from one day to the next, to find all the men I saw beautiful (never in my life I had told myself that a man was beautiful...), I was looking for stories similar to mine on the web to make me feel better. After a little over a year in this state, I accepted that I had OCD, stopped reacting to thoughts and in about two months, the symptoms and anxiety disappeared. I had two weeks where everything was fine (I still had a few intrusive thoughts but they didn't mean anything anymore, I didn't care). After these two weeks, in March 2018, overnight, I lost my ability to find some women beautiful, they seemed to me full of flaws. First of all, girls I have always found beautiful, then the whole female population. It's as if I've become a thousand times more difficult, the girls I thought were beautiful are no longer beautiful or are much less so, I see defects everywhere, I notice more make-up... Obviously, all this made me anxious at first, less than before but anxious anyway, after six months, Anxiety has reduced to the point of being only mental and, for a year, I thought I was no longer anxious (but I thought about it, and I think about it every day[the reduction of my aesthetic attraction]), I recently learned that anxiety can materialize into simple worries and that it can affect attraction. I check every day to see if my attraction returns, I guess it doesn't help to get her back, but it's such a torture for me not to find women beautiful like before. I cried for a long time every night about it, wondering if it would come back completely.
So it's been about eighteen months since my aesthetic attraction to women (my ability to find them beautiful) has greatly reduced, as has my anxiety. My psychologist told me that I was stuck in a self-directed loop that fed on anxiety. I'm not attracted, so I'm scared, so I'm not attracted. She offered me antidepressant treatment, I have an appointment with the psychiatrist in a little over a month. Unfortunately, my psychologist had to take a break because of her pregnancy, so I don't know who to turn to to ask my question (I live in France, OCD is not very well treated here). Before I found my current psychologist, I met two of them, both of them practicing CBT, the first one tried to psychoanalyze me, the second one told me that my attraction might not come back entirely (and told me illogical things, making the consequence come before the cause...).

The latter has therefore increased a fear in me: the fear that my aesthetic attraction towards women will never fully return. Having trouble considering myself anxious (the fear that it will never come back entirely is always in a corner of my head, I always check if my aesthetic attraction towards women has returned but I no longer have any physical anxiety at all). The more time goes by, the more legitimate this fear is (it has already been eighteen months since my ability to find women beautiful has been greatly reduced).

So my question is this: could my aesthetic attraction to women not come back entirely?

I'm sorry to bother you with this, but as mentioned above, OCD is a little known disease in France, finding a psychologist or psychiatrist competent in this field is very complicated (even among CBT practitioners), my psychologist having to be absent because of her pregnancy, I don't know where to turn.

Please, please help me.
Hello,
I understand completely what you are going through. I am a 28 year old woman, and throughout the ages of 15-21 I literally felt repulsed by men. it was so so difficult. I had HOCD. Psychatrist and meds helped but I just want let you know what I understand what you're going through. If you need to talk you can private message me.
 
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