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    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

Ho can I support my boyfriend?

Cathka

Cathka

New member
Joined
May 11, 2010
Messages
2
Location
Devon
Hi All,

I'm new here, so apologies if this isn't the usual format... Please let me know.

My boyfriend and I have been together for around 8 months. We both have various mental health issues and have been open with each other about this from the start.

He has psychosis, and symptoms of other conditions, which he generally has a great hold on. He does not take any medication for his illness as he prefers to 'self-medicate' through the power of thought. We generally have a very good relationship; very loving, very attentive and sensitive to each other's differing needs.

Our big issue is this: his psychosis appears to cause a large amount of paranoia about our relationship. He is an outwardly strong, confident man, with absolutely no reason (in my opinion, of course) to worry about anything. He often says that he thinks I am a different 'version' of myself, that Iam lying to him or playing games. I'd like to state now that I categorically do not knowlingly enter into any kind of mind game, and I absolutley do not lie (not even a white one) to him because I know how he views dishonesty.

Each time he feels that I have lied, or played a game, or changed versions, he breaks up with me and becomes very insular. I have tried various methods of remedying this, with differing results. Leaving him alone to 'cool down' is what I am most comfortable with, but after speaking with him about it I know that he sees this as disinterest on my part. I have also tried being more proactive about sorting out any issues - asking to talk to him, refusing to be ignored, pointing out any discrepancies in his arguments against me. This works more often, but still not reliably. I suffer from depression and can become fixated on the worry that he will see my actions as 'stalking' or otherwise negatively.

We're currently in the middle of a 'break up' - long story short, I texted a picture to his mobile from my office, he refuses to believe that the photo was taken in my office and for that reason has decided that I am a liar and not worthy of him.

We don't go through this often, but when we do it is so horribly upsetting for us both. I'm not ready to give up on this relationship at all - I'd love to hear any suggestions that you guys have regarding finding better solutions to our problems.

I'm sorry for the long post. I promise they won't all be this long!

Thank you for any help or insight you can give :)
 
S

schizolanza

ACCOUNT CLOSED
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Sep 22, 2008
Messages
3,160
Does he have a diagnosis?Has he been offered medication?Does he use street drugs?
 
Cathka

Cathka

New member
Joined
May 11, 2010
Messages
2
Location
Devon
Hi there,

Yes, he has been formally diagnosed with psychosis/psychotic disorder. He has been offered medication, and filled his original prescription, but does not take it. When he was first diagnosed he started to take the various medications prescribed, but couldn't stand the way they made him feel so stopped taking them.

He doesn't use street drugs - any more. He apparently was a pretty heavy user during his teens and twenties, but now despises them and all who use them. I don't use them.

Thanks :)
 
T

TrampLegs

New member
Joined
Jan 20, 2010
Messages
2
He needs to take meds!!! I'd make a point of saying that he needs to make the effort!!!

It'll still be hard for a while, but at least he'll be showing you that he wants to see improvement.

Tramps x
 
schiz01

schiz01

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 16, 2009
Messages
721
Location
Australia
I am in a similar situation with my girlfriend
We do not live together (yet)
We have both agreed that we both need to be well and stable before that happens.
It is not easy living apart but we stay in regular contact and spend weekends together ect.
We have to do this because otherwise we end up leaning on each other or projecting our underlying issues onto each other.
What we are doing at the moment is "Therapy"....she see's her therapist and takes responsibility for herself and I do the same.
Therapy is a much better way to go then meds in my opinion .He obviously doesn't like them so they should not be they be forced upon him.
With proper psychological help and the love and support you give to each other there is no reason why you both cannot make a full and complete recovery.
The same principles should be applied to all relationships mentally ill or not.
A healthy and well balanced relationship is hard work and takes efforts from both parties to make it work.

Just my 2 cents on the matter
 
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