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His wife called me...

CenotaphGirl

CenotaphGirl

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 27, 2021
Messages
63
Location
London
Before I start, I promise I am a good person.
I needed support through dark times and leaned on a married man for that,
Honestly, I didn't see anything wrong with it, I never messaged a flirtatious message, ever.
However, on occasion, he did, and I just pretended not to notice and changed the topic.
Today I got a call from his number on Facetime, which I thought was weird but I picked up,
It was his wife, she was so horrible, she was screaming at him, saying awful things about me,
Calling me names, making fun of how I look, calling me fake. I felt so crushed.
I did try to explain it was nothing like that, but... she just called me a "little girl" (because I look a little young when I haven't got makeup on) and started demanding to know how old I was, and started screaming again, I just lied about my age, because.. I didn't know what else to do. Truthfully i'm early 20's.

After the call the things she said about me just floated around and around in my head.
I self harmed, I want to respect the rules of the forum so I wont say what I did, but im in so much pain.
Im in so much mental and physical pain.
I lost a friend, was verbally attacked and laughed at... I just dont think this world is for me sometimes.
 
tabris

tabris

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 13, 2021
Messages
125
Location
United States
I'm so sorry you had to go through that and I'm sorry you harmed yourself because of it. It's not your fault that she grew jealous. Of course, she had a right to be, but not because of you. Her husband was the one sending flirty messages, so her growing angry with you isn't completely justified. In a way, I can understand her frustration, as a lot of women believe their husbands/boyfriends shouldn't have female friends. Personally I disagree with this but I can understand it to an extent. I'm sure her anger with her husband blinded her in the moment. However, that's not an excuse for her to be nasty towards you. Those things she said about you are not true, they were fueled by anger and jealousy. We often say horrible things when we are angry, and it's even easier when it's someone you don't know. She wouldn't know anything about your true character, so you shouldn't let those insults bring you down. It's also so easy to insult someone's appearance. Calling someone ugly or laughing at them for how they look is almost always an indication of insecurity on the bully's end. Your intentions with her husband were good, you said so yourself that you believe you are a good person. All you wanted was a friend to lean on during a hard time, it's his fault for occasionally trying to take it any further. I'm sorry that you lost him, but honestly it doesn't seem as if he would be a good person to rely on anymore. I don't know him or what he's done for you so I only say this based on what I do know. He put his own marriage in jeopardy and didn't consider the feelings of you or his wife. If he is your only friend who is able to support you I understand why this might be particularly difficult. All I can offer is this forum as a source of support. Just being in this community with people who know what it's like has helped me tremendously. And you can always message me specifically if you feel like making a friend :) Remember that you are a worthwhile person, those things she said about you are absolutely not true and I can tell. I hope things can improve for you soon.
 
CenotaphGirl

CenotaphGirl

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 27, 2021
Messages
63
Location
London
Thank you, I just feel so broken, it's like, I feel like its all my fault, the last thing I would want is to hurt someones wife or you know? I feel so ashamed that one afternoon without him and I have fallen apart, self harmed and im just not stable without him, I dont know what that says about me.
 
tabris

tabris

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 13, 2021
Messages
125
Location
United States
Thank you, I just feel so broken, it's like, I feel like its all my fault, the last thing I would want is to hurt someones wife or you know? I feel so ashamed that one afternoon without him and I have fallen apart, self harmed and im just not stable without him, I dont know what that says about me.
I understand feeling guilty, but it wasn't your intention to hurt her so please don't blame yourself. You relied on him a lot so it makes sense that you feel very lost without him, but remember that he is not the only person in the world who can help you. There are lots of other people that you can meet or maybe already have met that will be there to support you. It's okay to grieve the loss of a friend but I don't want you to hurt yourself. You don't deserve that.
 
CenotaphGirl

CenotaphGirl

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 27, 2021
Messages
63
Location
London
I understand feeling guilty, but it wasn't your intention to hurt her so please don't blame yourself. You relied on him a lot so it makes sense that you feel very lost without him, but remember that he is not the only person in the world who can help you. There are lots of other people that you can meet or maybe already have met that will be there to support you. It's okay to grieve the loss of a friend but I don't want you to hurt yourself. You don't deserve that.
Thanks, wow, are you a therapist?!?, you honestly just cleared my mind, i felt so crushed by the guilt and the name calling, but i feel a little better knowing im not automatically a bad person for just talking to someone
 
tabris

tabris

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 13, 2021
Messages
125
Location
United States
Thanks, wow, are you a therapist?!?, you honestly just cleared my mind, i felt so crushed by the guilt and the name calling, but i feel a little better knowing im not automatically a bad person for just talking to someone
Haha no I'm not, I suppose I do have a lot of experience helping people though. Mostly just because I know what it's like to feel like crap and I don't want anyone else to feel that way. I'm glad I was able to help you! ❤
 
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