High risk

Justafriend95

Justafriend95

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
504
Location
Netherlands
Today I am married for 4 years :D
I walked up a Volcano at 2 o'clock in the night.
Now I'm going to bed. I'm tired:panic:
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
504
Location
Netherlands
Staying in are new hotel at nusa penida.
Isn't it beautiful 🥰IMG_20190805_125918.jpgIMG_20190805_125911.jpgIMG_20190805_125909.jpgIMG_20190805_131936.jpg
 
Parayana

Parayana

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 22, 2012
Messages
2,141
Wos, wish I was in Thailand, I'd head up north to Ubon provence and go and see Ajahn Sumedho, I met him many years ago, long before I was interested in Buddhism and I was drunk as a lord, don't think I made a good impression.
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
504
Location
Netherlands
Wos, wish I was in Thailand, I'd head up north to Ubon provence and go and see Ajahn Sumedho, I met him many years ago, long before I was interested in Buddhism and I was drunk as a lord, don't think I made a good impression.
Haha yeah not the best presentation. I'm Christian so I don't think we need to see him 🤣
But everybody has his thoughts. 😉
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
504
Location
Netherlands
Spend all day in bed again.. Had no energie or nothing. Feel so fucking crap...

I just stept 10 steps out of bed to get a beer. Hope that will help a little..
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
504
Location
Netherlands
So I am back again. New house, good wifi :grouphug: It was like before I came here. I felt like I was all alone. I did miss my supportgroup here.

yesterday was again a depressed in bed day for almost 20 hour.. I was really sick. My belly did hurt so bad.. couldn't eat, drink or stand up. Felt so sick. This night I woke up like 15 times and started to hallucinate..

I think because I was dehydrated.. so today we are slow living. Just been to the Beach. Had to swim and look at the fishes and corrals.

Then I started to read five feet apart in English. So I will learn more words 😊

feel overall okay today. How are you?
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
504
Location
Netherlands
Omg I saw myself in pictures today.. really not good. Before I left I was not fat but normal. I see my face at photos now. And my body.. I lost a lot of weight my cheeks are super visible and my belly is flat like shit. My boobs got flatter and my booty as well..

I don't see myself anymore.. it's like a walking stick figure.. not healthy at all..
But I eat really a lot..

Little concerned about that..
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
504
Location
Netherlands
Day 38 SH free

It's getting harder and harder everyday.. the more I think of going almost home the more it scares me.

I am going to be alone again.. I am going to have a lot of stress.. I hope I can just walk away from that but I'm scarred I'm not going to...

My mind is making up all kind of fantasy about it. And that's something what scares the shit out of me..

I'm planning on telling my only friend about my problems.. in big lines of course but I'm scarf she can't handle it. But I cant do this alone..

I even don't know how to go to school again. I'm so scared.. other hand I don't give a fuck! Everybody is going to look nice. Have new things, energy and motivation and I start at level 1%..

I'm tired. Think of taking a year off. But I can't because of private reasons so I have to go even if I feel like I can't do it anymore..

Don't know what to do with myself.. want to..
 
Top