High risk

Justafriend95

Justafriend95

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#41
Have to sleep now.. did try to draw again to lose the flashbacks of this morning.. and it helpt! Till I stopt. Now I'm laying in the dark reliving it over and over again..

Anyone tips? I want to feel okey without SH..
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

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#42
My ribs are so bruised. Every time a breathe it hurts so bad. And my arms can not go higher than 90 degrees. I'm so tired.. but I'm to scared.

Scared of going in a deep state of sleep that it feels real and I can't open my eyes. Had that dream a lot. So I'm so nervouse...

Please God let me sleep and dream about nice things.
 
Z

Zoe1

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#44
sweet dreams Justafriend

thats a great Avril Lavigne I'm a fan !
dont worry you will be able to wake up

:hug5:
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

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#47
have you been out at all today and spoken to anyone ?

:hug5:
Yes I did. I went surfing and I'm with my husband on vacation so yes I talked to him. Did go out to eat and tonight I draw something.

So yes I did.. why?
 
Z

Zoe1

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#48
because I cant sleep if I have not been busy

OK so what else can you do ? can you study something
that stretches your mind ?
follow a news story, or learn about a favourite artist ?
I can usually find something to learn about
when I cant sleep to make myself tired

:hug5:
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

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#49
because I cant sleep if I have not been busy

OK so what else can you do ? can you study something
that stretches your mind ?
follow a news story, or learn about a favourite artist ?
I can usually find something to learn about
when I cant sleep to make myself tired

:hug5:
I'm really tired that's not it.. but my mind doesn't want to. I got night terrors. I fall into a deep stage of sleep and dream like I fall into the water. I feel like I'm shocking and can't get any air. Still my eyes won't open. It's because my mind is awake but my body isn't.

So I really try to open my eyes but they can't it's really scary and I get anxietie and panic attacks while sleeping. Someone has to wake me up.

It's so real.. you really think you are going to die.
Had those dreams a few times.. this morning was really traumatic. I just now what is going to happen this night... And I can't take it...🥺
 
Z

Zoe1

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#50
hi Justafriend

what I suggest you do
is start a new post in the anxiety forum
specifically about sleep issues
so that people with sleep experiences can help you

I just have a sleeping pill called Zopiclone
and that works for me

so im not sure what to suggest in your case

:hug5:
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

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#51
hi Justafriend

what I suggest you do
is start a new post in the anxiety forum
specifically about sleep issues
so that people with sleep experiences can help you

I just have a sleeping pill called Zopiclone
and that works for me

so im not sure what to suggest in your case

:hug5:
Thank you for trying to help .
You are a beautiful person ♥️
 
NWiddi

NWiddi

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#53
I can't explain the link but when I started taking anti-psychotics to reduce my Dopamine levels my nightmares stopped and they did the same for me waking up in panic and fear.

When you return home you could ask your GP for a trial dose to see how they go or I could recommend a herbal supplement that reduces Dopamine but I'd get your GP to check them out before you take them.
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

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#54
Today I almost died 3 times.

Today we did want to do a buggedlist thing, surfing. So we drove to the sea and payed for a lesson. First we tried on the land. We did get the info we needed and then we jumpt into the sea.

I noticed my arms where feeling weak but desided to do it anyway. I was barely half in the sea and was already seasick. Good start 🤣

Well there we went. Do what we had practiced. The first wave works well. I mean I am not standing on the board of course. I mean I am me and I fall of course from my board. 🤣

Again I climb on the board. There came a huge wave. I try to stand fall of halfway and get deep in the wave. So deep that when I came out the water with my head the new wave came over me and I didn't have time to breathe. I really thought I was going to die. I swallowed so much seawater that I almost trow up. Big panic attack.

And then you have to get back on your board and do it again. I tried a few more times, but again I swollowed so much water in and those waves pushed so hard. I really couldn't breath.

So I'm sitting on my board. Feeling sick like helI when I said we're going back I'm going to throw up. The man who had been laughing at me for 15 minutes saw that I meant it and helped me back.

If you think that's easy, you're wrong... So I am paddling back. But my arms just wouldn't work anymore. I was so tired... the man loosened my ankle bracelet and asked me: can you swim? He said you go and I will take your board with me.

Most stupid idea ever. Swimming was just as heavy but now I couldn't have a break. The the next Big wave. Again I fell all over again. Again panic attack... almost to the side where I could finally stand. I thought yes I am there (stood up to my waist in the water).

A huge wave picked me up and smashed me hard on the beach. The pressure of the water so high really 2 more times and I was not alive anymore.. the people on the beach all where shocked. The only thing I thought was: I made it out alive and don't trow up.

Never knew that water was so powerful.. Now 1,5 hours later and I can't stop shaking. It was so traumatic.. I never go into the rough sea again.

Conclusion: Never again!
i am so glad you survived, justafriend :hug:
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

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#56
Feel a lot better today. Did ride a lot on my bike and walked between rice fields. This afternoon I got some sleep. Last night I slept way to short because of the anxiety.

I'm curious how much weight I lost. If I look in the mirror I see a flat belly and a small face. Most say I really like it! 🥰 Thankful for this day
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

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Netherlands
#57
Trigger...
When your "friends" start to ignore you..
I know that it is a holiday but is that a reason to ignore the person in your life that is there for you 2 years long. The person that had sleepless nights for you, message you every damn day.

Lisstend to you all the time. Even in the middle of the night. Helpt you to have a backup home if you had to live on the streets because you parents truw you out. I was there and now..

I texted you, how are you? Is it going well? Because you had a lot of fisical and mental fights at home. You saw my letter about yesterday and you said nothing...

I feel so mad and sad at the same time.. I thought we were best friends.. I thought we could tell everything and be there if we needed anyone..

Again my trust is broken. Again my heart is crushed.. I lost my best friend today..

I hope you survive at home.. I hope you know that I am always there for you.. I'm going to miss the talks we had. You where my only friend where I could say everything. SH, suicide or other shit..

That's over now..

Feeling like SH again. Really really bad.. I want it to look like my heart.. the inside on the outside 😭
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

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Messages
335
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Netherlands
#60
Just woke up feeling terrible. I feel so alone..
It's so stupid. My family and husband are my everything and I have 2 really close friends and still I feel so damn alone..

IDK why.. does anybody else have that feeling?