M
medsn
New member
- Joined
- May 12, 2009
- Messages
- 4
Hi there everyone.
I guess I should start by introducing/explaining myself. Im male, 21.
Well, I've suffered with what I previously believed to be depression for as long as I can remember, but only recently had it confirmed medically.
In December of last year things came to a head and I finally went to the docs and told them I was feeling suicidal and needed help. I was perscribed Citalopram but due to work, wasn't able to take them (they made me v ill).
Jump forward a few weeks and mid January things all get a bit too much. After being out one night I get home and take all of the Citaloprapm with the sole intent being to end it all. A friend comes over and takes me to the hospital where after a few hours, I stupidly discharge myself and am told that they will be in contact in the morning with a view to putting me in contact with a mental health worker.
Ok, skip a month or two..
I get offered a great job in France and take it.
It lasts 4 weeks. The depression completely consumes me and forces me to come home. Now I'm back in my hometown living with my mum and am finding it really hard, having not lived at home for five years.
Anyway, I finally found my dream job, Head Chef.
Its brilliant and at my age, Im extremely lucky. Its the perfect job for me, but after just 2 weeks of working there I've been driven back to the edge. I work 60+ hours a week and do nothing but work/sleep. The pressure is unbelievable. I have so many people breathing down my neck and NEED to make a good impression, especially in these early days.
After just one week I found myself at home on the floor clutching all the pills I could find, seriously considering giving up. I don't know how or why, but I snapped out of it and lasted another week. Then, this Friday just gone, it crept up on me again.
I lay in bed crying all morning dreading going in. I phoned my mum at work telling her I didnt feel safe and she took me straight to my GP who saw me there and then.
He was ridiculous. His solution to me feeling suicidal was to suggest a new course of medication. My point to him was that it wasn't immediate enough. I felt suicidal NOW, not in 5 weeks time. So he referred me to the CRISIS team who came out and visited me on the Saturday and the Sunday. Both visits were incredibly awkward and Im not too sure exactly what I should be telling them.
I went for a consultation/first session with a psychologist today which was tedious to say the least; same old questions and same old responses. How can they possibly judge me without seeing me at my lowest?
I have another meeting with CRISIS on thursday, and a second meeting with the psychologist on tuesday but what am I supposed to do in the meantime.
Work know I am ill and have so far been relatively supportive and kept quiet, but I got a text message today asking for updates etc.
What am I supposed to say/do? If I go back right now, I know I'll end up back at square one, but if I don't, I might loose the job. No contracts have been signed yet, I'd have no leg to stand on.
The CRISIS team have recommended I get a sick note from my GP this week, but the longer I postpone going back to work, the more I stress about going back in the future. It's a catch 22 situation where I loose every time.
Whatever I do, I loose.
Sorry for bombarding you all with so much information in my first real post. I've been a visitor for a while now and though it was about time I got actively involved.
Thanks again everyone, medsn
I guess I should start by introducing/explaining myself. Im male, 21.
Well, I've suffered with what I previously believed to be depression for as long as I can remember, but only recently had it confirmed medically.
In December of last year things came to a head and I finally went to the docs and told them I was feeling suicidal and needed help. I was perscribed Citalopram but due to work, wasn't able to take them (they made me v ill).
Jump forward a few weeks and mid January things all get a bit too much. After being out one night I get home and take all of the Citaloprapm with the sole intent being to end it all. A friend comes over and takes me to the hospital where after a few hours, I stupidly discharge myself and am told that they will be in contact in the morning with a view to putting me in contact with a mental health worker.
Ok, skip a month or two..
I get offered a great job in France and take it.
It lasts 4 weeks. The depression completely consumes me and forces me to come home. Now I'm back in my hometown living with my mum and am finding it really hard, having not lived at home for five years.
Anyway, I finally found my dream job, Head Chef.
Its brilliant and at my age, Im extremely lucky. Its the perfect job for me, but after just 2 weeks of working there I've been driven back to the edge. I work 60+ hours a week and do nothing but work/sleep. The pressure is unbelievable. I have so many people breathing down my neck and NEED to make a good impression, especially in these early days.
After just one week I found myself at home on the floor clutching all the pills I could find, seriously considering giving up. I don't know how or why, but I snapped out of it and lasted another week. Then, this Friday just gone, it crept up on me again.
I lay in bed crying all morning dreading going in. I phoned my mum at work telling her I didnt feel safe and she took me straight to my GP who saw me there and then.
He was ridiculous. His solution to me feeling suicidal was to suggest a new course of medication. My point to him was that it wasn't immediate enough. I felt suicidal NOW, not in 5 weeks time. So he referred me to the CRISIS team who came out and visited me on the Saturday and the Sunday. Both visits were incredibly awkward and Im not too sure exactly what I should be telling them.
I went for a consultation/first session with a psychologist today which was tedious to say the least; same old questions and same old responses. How can they possibly judge me without seeing me at my lowest?
I have another meeting with CRISIS on thursday, and a second meeting with the psychologist on tuesday but what am I supposed to do in the meantime.
Work know I am ill and have so far been relatively supportive and kept quiet, but I got a text message today asking for updates etc.
What am I supposed to say/do? If I go back right now, I know I'll end up back at square one, but if I don't, I might loose the job. No contracts have been signed yet, I'd have no leg to stand on.
The CRISIS team have recommended I get a sick note from my GP this week, but the longer I postpone going back to work, the more I stress about going back in the future. It's a catch 22 situation where I loose every time.
Whatever I do, I loose.
Sorry for bombarding you all with so much information in my first real post. I've been a visitor for a while now and though it was about time I got actively involved.
Thanks again everyone, medsn