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calypso

calypso

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I managed to get through a month's money in a week. I have NO idea what I spent it on, so went to the bank to argue with them and they printed off 10 pages of transactions. I still can't piece together what I did. I seem to have lost the time too, not sure what I was doing. I do have some memories, like being on here a few times, but with blanks.

My sister in law says I was obviously high, and I threw the Recovery Team woman out the house. I don't remember that at all. I'm really trying to believe my friends, but its so hard when you don't remember it, and it can feel like everyone is lying to you. I rang the Recovery Team up and she said that I did do that! I'm not rude like that!

But, I have written lists down of reasons why they would lie and why they wouldn't. At least the police weren't involved this time. How is it I can't remember much of what I did in the days? I thought that perhaps I have remembered other times because I did something which involved others (eg Police) which was so striking, it stayed in my mind.

I'm not sure though. I came on here and did some work, and I looked back and it all makes sense. So how come I can't get a handle on everything? Anyway, I have taken myself back onto the set dose of my meds ( I had reduced them myself). I can remember what I wrote here though - so not everything is a blank, just the day activities. Weird!

Don't know why I wrote this, but has anyone else had this happen?
 
Diesel1988

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I hope you are okay and am glad to here that your back on the right amount of medications.
I am another that has problems with memory caused by drug use, which has caused lapses in time.
 
Frost

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I am another that has problems with memory caused by drug use, which has caused lapses in time.
Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but I think Calypso was referring to a bipolar 'high' rather than a 'high' from drug use.
 

MarlieeB

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Yes, that is what she means. (sorry for answering for you Cal, I just don't want people to get mixed up :hug1:)
 
Diesel1988

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i apologize for getting mixed up.
 
Gajolene

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I know when my ex and J S went into mania's they lost blocks of memories too Calypso, you should get more back to functioning, focusing and being able to concentrate fairly quickly now that you've resumed your proper dosage of meds. If you were manic which it sounds like to me, your brain is going so fast it can't process everything that's happening or has happened, that's why your memory is so patchy. Huge hugs Calypso. Sorry the reduction didn't work out as you hoped it would. :hug1:
 
Kerome

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Sorry this happened to you Calypso... All I can say is it takes me about a month to adjust to a change in my meds, and when it goes wrong the first thing I lose is the ability to sleep, and two weeks after that my mental stability is completely shot. A sudden event like what you experienced is out of my bounds. Hope you don't have another one!
 
calypso

calypso

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Hiya, I did mean high from bipolar, but I did word it a little confusingly, so no problem with getting that wrong.

I didn't come off the dose quickly and I have been on a lower dose for months. But my friend, who knows me well, said that I had been a little off kilter for a while now.

I've been thinking about this now and I always had someone around me every time I went high before, and they would talk to me. This time I have been on my own totally, and that may be why I couldn't remember things. Even when the police brought me back, (yes I am on first name terms with one guy!), my sister in law came to stay for two days to keep me more balanced, and eating.

I've crashed now. I'm just not right. I think the increased dose has made me low, but I just don't know with this thing called bipolar. If I could ditch it, I would! Not sure about anything.

Thank you all for being kind. xxx
 

cpuusage

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Anyway, I have taken myself back onto the set dose of my meds ( I had reduced them myself).
Long story short, last time i came off the medication i was having blackouts (non alcohol/street drug related).

Maybe wise to have reintroduced the medication.

i have ordered a copy of 'Psychiatric Drug Withdrawal - A Guide for Prescribers, Therapists, Patients and their Families' By Peter Breggin, M.D. See if i can glean anything from it all?

i think for a certain percentage of people, once started on psychiatric drugs, for various reasons, will never successfully get off them.
 
Kerome

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i think for a certain percentage of people, once started on psychiatric drugs, for various reasons, will never successfully get off them.
That's us, casualties of the psychopharmaceutical complex. Victim mode engaged!
 

cpuusage

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That's us, casualties of the psychopharmaceutical complex. Victim mode engaged!
They want us to be victims, & powerful social forces conspire to create the victim role in a lot of people, it's also a powerful position. i have been one in the past - i no longer am.

It doesn't however negate what i see as a very sad situation with the mass drugging of society, over the exclusion of other approaches - Not negating the benefit some people receive from psychiatric medications.
 
calypso

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I didn't want to believe it CPU, but I think I am addicted now. When first put on them, I didn't know anything about them (Lots of years ago). Coming on here educated me, you amongst others, and by then, it was too late. When I challenged my pdoc he just said that they had saved my life. But I was on them already when I ended up on intensive care from that extreme OD. I still didn't think it through clearly! Mind I was in no place to think about things in then.

But when they were put up to the level of walking into walls and doors because I was so sedated, I finally challenged them. Slowly, I got down to 100mgxl Seroquel, but Mirtazpine up to 45mg. Lamotrigine stayed the same. Now I am told that if I come off I will kill myself, by the pdoc - he didn't mince his words.

I had a member on here try to help me with how to come off them, but I get so far and wham, I hit this wall. I don't know, do I need them? Not sure, but hell, stuck with them for now I think. I daren't rock the boat again for a while.

The nice policeman is called John, and he stops me fairly often and asks relevant questions to check on me. I do find it strange to have more kindness from a policeman (who has brought me home twice - once even handcuffed me to stop me), than the psych services.

I've crashed, as I said and feeling very vulnerable. Its rare for me to post on here, I think its a sign that I am not in a good place.
 
calypso

calypso

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Oh and a neighbour told me that he had reported me to Disability services as he couldn't see why I was on benefits! How he knows this, I don't know, but I needed that like a hole in the head! Bloody bastard.
 

cpuusage

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I had a member on here try to help me with how to come off them, but I get so far and wham, I hit this wall. I don't know, do I need them? Not sure, but hell, stuck with them for now I think. I daren't rock the boat again for a while.
Some people do genuinely successfully get off them, & genuinely resolve their condition, i have no doubt of that, there are countless cases. There are no guarantees - a percentage i think do need medication.

What criteria makes that possible? Probably a lot of factors, not least, imo, people getting a lot of genuine understanding & support. There is maybe aspects of varying severity of the underlying condition/experiences. i don't think it's black & white, either/or.

i'm in the same position - i know it's pointless to attempt another withdrawal until there is what i feel is proper, practical, & genuine understanding & support in my life, appropriate to my needs - & there may never be, to the extent i feel is needed. For me it's a lesser of evils to carry on taking the pills.

i have spoken out on it all, because i believe i'm generally right about the need for a primary focus on more comprehensive psychosocial understanding & support approaches for people, instead of a primary focus on pathology, labels & drugs, as it currently is - i think the system is wrong. i can't change it all though - can't really change anything.
 

cpuusage

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Some people do genuinely successfully get off them, & genuinely resolve their condition, i have no doubt of that, there are countless cases.
Another one i crossed paths with today here - Finding Meaning in Mental Emotional Suffering - Crazywise

Had a brief chat with her.

Increasing amounts of people are waking up to it all & leaving the system, but they're voices are still getting drowned out.

Another here - About

Many when looked into.
 
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