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hiding behind bipolar diagnosis?

G

grace68

Well-known member
Joined
May 12, 2009
Messages
599
Location
yorkshire
i posted this on the 'fear of getting well thread', but i really think it sums up my struggle with bipolar. i'm wondering if other people have had similar experiences ?


it's like i got really poorly, have had to accept (again, this has happened several times) that yes, i do REALLY have Bi-polar, and that i must take the lithium, and STAY on it. but now, as the crisis passes and the depression starts to lift, i start to panic. i want to give my job up, but if my depression is better, then i will be expected to work again.

now , i just want to say to everyone, "hey, i've got bi-polar- you can't expect anything much from me. you can't expect long-term commitment, because i can never know whether i might get depressed again, and not be able to function."

thats how i'm feeling now.

when i get to feeling better for a while, then i tend to strongly resent the bi-polar diagnosis, and the lithium, so i come off-meds, deny i have bi-polar, and become totally over-confident. i go on like that for several months, becoming hypo-manic (manic but not psychotic)- until, eventually, i crash down into depression , again.

i just don't want this repetitive cycle ever again. so , i guess it feels safer to hide behind the bi-polar diagnosis, use it as an excuse, and by doing so, lower mine, and everybody else's expectations of me. so , yes- i have a huge fear of getting well.
:cry:
 
L

laulipop

Guest
aw it sounds awful for u, but I can understand.
I don't even have a proper diagnosis yet, but im fairly sure (as are my family) that this is what I have.
Anyway, just wanted to say
thinking of you
 
H

Happychappy

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 21, 2009
Messages
45
Grace,

Sounds like you're talking about me - I'm guessing your feelings are very normal for many bipolar people.

I'm glad to say after 10 yers of Lithium, I now love and cherish it. I've managed to be reasonably stable working 8 years out of the last 10, and although bipolar has lost me jobs, pissed off those around me, I have learn't to hide/controle the sysmptons to some extent. Keep taking that medication, there's no shame, most people take some sort of a pill on a daly basis (vitamins, asprin).

Someone once told me there is more shame in breaking a bone, than in breaking your mind (mental health prob) because breaking a bone is often your fault.

Keep on that medicin Grace:clap:
 
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