- Dec 17, 2009
...Im new here and pretty much don't know where to start. This is the first time in 4 years i've actually spoken about this. I started having panic attacks when i was 14 at school... which made me go from a A student to hardly ever turning up. I started having them when my parents got divorced, which ive never actually thought was the reason but people like to tell me it is. Then 2 years later i started getting them at home, i started to think of all the things that would go wrong in my life... which led to me trying to commit suicide twice. Now im 20 my life is pretty much in pieces. Its gone from just ainexty/panic attacks to full blown depression. I dont want to do anything anymore. I know i should be happy... im an attractive young women, my parents are wealthy but i feel suicidal again. I feel numb, i dont sleep for days and lately i find myself drinking alot to make me almost feel again? I dont understand it. Now and again il get moments where i break down because everyone around me seems to be living life so easy and i actually remember what i used to be like... now i feel like i cant even get out of bed. My mum is bipolar which pretty much led to my dad leaving her so i cant even mention the fact that i feel this way... when i tried to commit suicide twice at 16, i left the hospital and nobody ever spoke about it again. My friends have no idea whats going on... nobody does. I just dont feel like the person i was a few years back. Im not looking for sympathy... just help? Sorry about the rant.