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    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

Hi

U

unforgiven

Member
Joined
Nov 26, 2009
Messages
10
Location
nottingham
Hello, im new. I took an overdose a couple of months back. my gp prescribed antidepressants i didnt feel that they was helping me. So i stopped taking them. i felt fine until last night when i suddenly hit rock bottom. i dont know what triggered me, and i did it again....
although i know that what im doing to myself is wrong. but i can't understand why these thoughts that i want to end my life are in my head.

I thought maybe there maybe someone on here that may be able to understand where im coming from.
Or maybe someones going though the same as myself. and therefore may be able to help one another.
 
R

riverofdragons

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 8, 2008
Messages
275
you are not alone
 
U

unforgiven

Member
Joined
Nov 26, 2009
Messages
10
Location
nottingham
I am having a bad day again today..i hate this person i've become. im still recovering from wednesday night. i've txt my so called friends to apologise about my actions. but i've had no replies which makes me hate myself more, as i didn't intend to upset anyone... but looks like i have.

I feel like i need to lock myself away. i feel so guilty. can anyone please give me some advice. i just dont know what to do anymore.
 
A

Ainsworth

Guest
unforgiven, :hug:

do not hate yourself!! why dont you start a blog on here, get everything out.

friends can be horrible we have all had people walk away from us but remember some atm may just be shocked or dont know what to say. it doesnt mean they hate you.

you are probably in a panic because you have the need to put this right so feel out of control. give your friends time but concentrate on yourself and what you are feeling and why.

have you been to the doctors or do you have a CPN or p-doc?
 
U

unforgiven

Member
Joined
Nov 26, 2009
Messages
10
Location
nottingham
Thanks for your reply.
I feel that my head is so messed up atm. if im honest i feel no regrets about the overdose. which seems to mess my head up even more. I went to see my doctor yesterday whom asked me if i wanted him to get in touch with the crisis team.
To which i replied that i would maybe go to yorkshire to see my mum with no intension of doing so.
i just wish i could sleep & never wake up. but deep down i know what im thinking is wrong but it doesn't stop the urge that i dont want to live anymore.
I find myself just crying so much and feeling empty inside, and feeling a need just to be loved for who i am, but i don't know who i am anymore :(
 
A

Ainsworth

Guest
i think you would benefit from some counselling. get the thoughts out if you can, did your doctor suggest this??

i know the feeling of not knowing who we are. ive never known. i can be everything to all people. i also refuse the crisis team, everytime!

the urge you talk about is with most people. including me.

keep talking as others will help to and you will connect with people on here that feel the same or who have been through it.

take care :hug:
 
J

jamesdean

Guest
unforgiven I honestly just replied to you n lost the reply when posting.
I'm glad that you found the forum n I hope that it will be helpful.
I have just been through a very intense period of feeling suicidal,its not nice but we none of us want it to be this way it just happens it certainly isnt fair that anyone in the world should feel like this.
My mum wanted me to to go n stay with them,but honestly that would of made me feel worse.


 
U

unforgiven

Member
Joined
Nov 26, 2009
Messages
10
Location
nottingham
This is the third time i've had depression, last time i had counselling but i found it didnt help tbh. but what i find strange is that i didnt have suicidal thoughts last time, but this time i feel like i cant go though it again.

It's like i have no energy to fight. I just want to take the nearest exit door,
If that makes sense??? its like im numb inside :shrug: as i said before empty.
Im trying to take each hour by hour.
thankyou for you replies, its helping expressing the way i feel and the thoughts going though my head without being judged :unsure:
 
G

Greysunday

Guest
depression

Would never judge. Can you think of any triggers which may have occurred for your first episode? Sometimes these thoughts can come out of the blue. I was very depressed when everything in the garden was rosy, no worries. I've yet to find the reason for mine. I guess it was true clinical depression. Thankfully now,only fleeting thoughts cross my mind, then quickly pass. You will get through this xx
 
A

Ainsworth

Guest
how long did you take the Anti-ds for? and which one was it? did you tell the doctor you didnt feel the benefit of them?

oops lots of questions :D

the empty feeling makes perfect sense and your plan of dealing with things hour by hour is a good one. sometimes thats the only thing we can do.

and as Greysunday said you will get no judgement here
 
U

unforgiven

Member
Joined
Nov 26, 2009
Messages
10
Location
nottingham
Thanks for your reply
The first time i had depression, one of my close family had a bad stroke, which brought back bad childhood memories. and these memories are unresolved and always will be, unfortunately its doesn't seem to stay at the back of my mind.
but this time i can't find a trigger. i have a good job which i love and is very rewarding , but i can't even face work.
Its like i want to lock myself away.

im trying to keep my mind busy, but i dont seem to have a motivation like im dead inside.
I appreciate your replys x
 
U

unforgiven

Member
Joined
Nov 26, 2009
Messages
10
Location
nottingham
My doctor put me on citalopram was on them for a few months, i spoke with my gp and he told me that it could take a while before i felt any results.
I started to get panic attacks, also have a fear of being around people. my Gp
asked me if i'd try diazepam for a week to help me sleep and try to relax me alittle.

I tryed them for a week, and once they started to work, i slept much better I still had panic attacks but they seem to settle after awhile.
i felt fine for a couple of weeks but still felt that life isn't worth while.

Then i took my second overdose, but i have no regrets like last time i tryed. i find myself gutted and so annoyed at myself because it didn't work.

even though i had been drinking prior to taking the pills. :cry:
 
G

Greysunday

Guest
Typical pattern

I must say the moderators here are very good. Nice to see informed advice given. I was given fluoxetine, but was also dealing with bulimia. Excellent job and relationship at the time but felt little control over my life. Anhedonia was the worst symptom of them all.
 
U

unforgiven

Member
Joined
Nov 26, 2009
Messages
10
Location
nottingham
Thanks again for your replys. much appreciated

i've only been on here since last night, i realise im not alone.
i just want to switch off, wish i had a off button stupid as it sounds.
I find myself counting down the hours till i can sleep, even though i've slept most of the day. just so i can stop my brain from going into overdrive.
thanks again. x
 
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