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Eagle58

New member
Joined
Jul 4, 2009
Messages
2
Location
In the Cotswolds, England (near to Bath)
Can't say I've ever really done anything like this before... so I don't really know where to start. I've looked at this site for a while, and considered joining for a while; then joined and looked some more, and now...

This whole experience is very weird. I worked in mental health for many years, as a social worker, educator etc. I guess I've had issues in the past, but now it's all come up and engulfed me, so I find myself on long-term sick, with the most distressing and invasive thoughts, regularly wishing it would all end, and - after six months - with no real improvement that I can see.

Take my word for it, working in mental health does not prepare you for this, it hasn't helped me at all - it's probably made it worse in some ways - I have no compassion for myself and am generally very angry with myself about not simply dealing with it all. I have a great CPN that I can talk to and trust, but no medication as I reacted terribly badly to seroxat when I was previously prescribed it. Yesterday I was praying for something, anything, to alleviate the nightmare.

The oddity is that I have some 'good' days, but I seem to swing into 'another place' without any reason that I can see. I'm coming out of two days of hell, where the urge to end my life was compelling - It's not a cry for help; it seems at the time to be a sensible and logical way to deal with thoughts and feelings that are so disabling and so nasty.....

My wife is a source of strength, and I think keeps me from acting on the thoughts I described above. It's wearing me down, though, my strength is waning and I genuinely believe it's getting worse. I honestly don't know what else to do; I'm not asking for 'answers', not really sure what I'm asking for, and I am sorry that this is such a mournful post to begin with.

eagle58
 
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GrizzlyBear

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Sep 22, 2008
Messages
971
Welcome. :welcome:

There really are some lovely folks here on the forum. I hope you find your time spent here worthwhile.
 
nickh

nickh

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Feb 14, 2008
Messages
1,428
Location
Birmingham UK
Hi Eagle and :welcome: to the Forum. Don't worry about your first post being a mournful one - that is quite common and you are always free to say how you are feeling here. I hope the number of good days starts to increase soon.

Nick.
 
bluenomore

bluenomore

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 30, 2009
Messages
5,527
Hello Eagle58,
:welcome: to forum.

Don't worry, we love a good moan here :)
 
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