• Welcome! It’s great to see you.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

Hi

E

Eagle58

New member
Joined
Jul 4, 2009
Messages
2
Location
In the Cotswolds, England (near to Bath)
Can't say I've ever really done anything like this before... so I don't really know where to start. I've looked at this site for a while, and considered joining for a while; then joined and looked some more, and now...

This whole experience is very weird. I worked in mental health for many years, as a social worker, educator etc. I guess I've had issues in the past, but now it's all come up and engulfed me, so I find myself on long-term sick, with the most distressing and invasive thoughts, regularly wishing it would all end, and - after six months - with no real improvement that I can see.

Take my word for it, working in mental health does not prepare you for this, it hasn't helped me at all - it's probably made it worse in some ways - I have no compassion for myself and am generally very angry with myself about not simply dealing with it all. I have a great CPN that I can talk to and trust, but no medication as I reacted terribly badly to seroxat when I was previously prescribed it. Yesterday I was praying for something, anything, to alleviate the nightmare.

The oddity is that I have some 'good' days, but I seem to swing into 'another place' without any reason that I can see. I'm coming out of two days of hell, where the urge to end my life was compelling - It's not a cry for help; it seems at the time to be a sensible and logical way to deal with thoughts and feelings that are so disabling and so nasty.....

My wife is a source of strength, and I think keeps me from acting on the thoughts I described above. It's wearing me down, though, my strength is waning and I genuinely believe it's getting worse. I honestly don't know what else to do; I'm not asking for 'answers', not really sure what I'm asking for, and I am sorry that this is such a mournful post to begin with.

eagle58
 
G

GrizzlyBear

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Sep 22, 2008
Messages
971
Welcome. :welcome:

There really are some lovely folks here on the forum. I hope you find your time spent here worthwhile.
 
nickh

nickh

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Feb 14, 2008
Messages
1,428
Location
Birmingham UK
Hi Eagle and :welcome: to the Forum. Don't worry about your first post being a mournful one - that is quite common and you are always free to say how you are feeling here. I hope the number of good days starts to increase soon.

Nick.
 
bluenomore

bluenomore

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 30, 2009
Messages
5,527
Hello Eagle58,
:welcome: to forum.

Don't worry, we love a good moan here :)
 
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