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Hi

I

Iwishididntexist

Member
Joined
Sep 11, 2019
Messages
14
Location
East Sussex
Hi i'm new here, it's taken me 6 months just to have the balls to join this forum... Reading others posts gave me courage.

I suffer from depression and anxiety.

I also suffered and witnessed many kinds of abuse in childhood which I have never dealt with or spoken about for which I feel a lot of guilt about.

I hope by being a member of this forum I can share my issues and help support others.

Thanks for reading.
 
J

Jules5

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 27, 2019
Messages
1,523
Location
Florida
:welcome: To the forum. You definitely need to go through your past with a professional. I am glad you are joinging the forum It is a good place to talk about things. Lots of love and hugs Jules
 
BetaMale

BetaMale

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 17, 2018
Messages
659
Location
India
:welcome: to this forum.
There are lots of people here in the same situation as yourself.
As a matter of fact, you remind me of myself just a year ago. I have a history of trauma too.
But thanks to medication and lifestyle changes, I'm doing much better now. :)
 
I

Iwishididntexist

Member
Joined
Sep 11, 2019
Messages
14
Location
East Sussex
:welcome: To the forum. You definitely need to go through your past with a professional. I am glad you are joinging the forum It is a good place to talk about things. Lots of love and hugs Jules
Hi thank you for your reply.
I'm definitely not ready to talk face to face yet. I've tried and I couldn't face it. I'm hoping just being here and reading others posts will give me the courage.

Thanks Jules, hugs and love.
 
I

Iwishididntexist

Member
Joined
Sep 11, 2019
Messages
14
Location
East Sussex
:welcome: to this forum.
There are lots of people here in the same situation as yourself.
As a matter of fact, you remind me of myself just a year ago. I have a history of trauma too.
But thanks to medication and lifestyle changes, I'm doing much better now. :)
Hi, thank you for your reply.

That's comforting to know. I'm glad to hear you're doing better.
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 9, 2012
Messages
9,248
Location
Tigger and Willow's house UK
Hi i'm new here, it's taken me 6 months just to have the balls to join this forum... Reading others posts gave me courage.

I suffer from depression and anxiety.

I also suffered and witnessed many kinds of abuse in childhood which I have never dealt with or spoken about for which I feel a lot of guilt about.

I hope by being a member of this forum I can share my issues and help support others.

Thanks for reading.
Welcome to the forum, we're happy to have you here :welcome:
 
fazza

fazza

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 23, 2014
Messages
1,512
Location
U.K
Hi and welcome. I too waited a long time lurking in the background too scared to join but it is really good here.
I was moved by your introduction as it nearly mirrors my own situation although I developed schizophrenia I also suffer from depression and anxiety.
I witnessed many horrible things at home. Mostly domestic abuse things that I barely talk about but people here have helped me over the years when I have opened up.

Nobody here is judgmental. Everybody listens and members here really reach out to help when sometimes we struggle to find the words that represent our worst fears and memories.
There is never any pressure here. Use this place as your little safe haven. Even my wife does not look at the posts I write here unless I ask her too as she know how personal our stories can be.

Hope to see you arounds the boards.

Welcome
 
I

Iwishididntexist

Member
Joined
Sep 11, 2019
Messages
14
Location
East Sussex
Hi and welcome. I too waited a long time lurking in the background too scared to join but it is really good here.
I was moved by your introduction as it nearly mirrors my own situation although I developed schizophrenia I also suffer from depression and anxiety.
I witnessed many horrible things at home. Mostly domestic abuse things that I barely talk about but people here have helped me over the years when I have opened up.

Nobody here is judgmental. Everybody listens and members here really reach out to help when sometimes we struggle to find the words that represent our worst fears and memories.
There is never any pressure here. Use this place as your little safe haven. Even my wife does not look at the posts I write here unless I ask her too as she know how personal our stories can be.

Hope to see you arounds the boards.

Welcome
Hi
Read your post last night when I very low and it cheered me up just knowing someone can relate. Thank you.
I think it will take a while to open up about things, like yourself.
What's it like living with schizophrenia if you don't mind me asking?

Thank you
 
fazza

fazza

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 23, 2014
Messages
1,512
Location
U.K
Hi
Read your post last night when I very low and it cheered me up just knowing someone can relate. Thank you.
I think it will take a while to open up about things, like yourself.
What's it like living with schizophrenia if you don't mind me asking?

Thank you
Well I am not sure how to explain what it is like living with schizophrenia because it seems so normal. Sounds crazy but to me everyone else is crazy and I am the only normal one. Almost enlightened. Obviously this causes problems and its then when i need help with reality.
Its noisy and repetative and demorlising...If you can imagine being called a murderer or evil or ugly 500 times a day and that you are being harmed by family members its a bit of a pain in the ass.

When I was 7 I was convinced that I was not part of this world. This was i supposed due to the massive amount of domestic violence that was happening around me. It was constant so I think that by being not of this world shielded me from the reality of what was going on around me.

At 13 I started hearing voices. i became very withdrawn from life but thought this was normal. My mum was still dealing with domestic abuse so didnt really notice that i was struggling.

This carried on until my early 20's when i could no longer stand the voices. I ended up in hospital for 6 months whilst they tried to understand what was going on.

On leaving hospital and getting divorced from my first wife i put everything in to work. Trying to desperatly ignore my symptoms i became a workoholic. I would even sleep in my car at work. I was always there.

This came crashing down in 2008 when my mind exploded. I was placed in a secure ward again and given a cocktail of meds to try and pull me down from the ceiling.

eventually and 3-5 more hospital admissions i am finally beggining to live my life.

I am classed as treatment resistive but now i have found a medication that really helps.
I am still mad as a box of frogs but I am in a position finally where I am happy (ish)

Going back to domestic abuse.
I will always give me time for anyone who has been through or witnnesed as a child domestic abuse. Its horrific it destroys people so badly it severly damages children yet the punishment for this crime is so pathetically stupid that i would spend more time in prison for pirating a DVD than destroying the lives mentally of my children and spouse.

It just does not make sense.
Domestic abuse is child abuse. Children that witness it are harmed and they carry this through there lives.

End of ramble.

Just looked up and seen my grammar. Sorry I would go back and correct it but to tired
 
I

Iwishididntexist

Member
Joined
Sep 11, 2019
Messages
14
Location
East Sussex
Well I am not sure how to explain what it is like living with schizophrenia because it seems so normal. Sounds crazy but to me everyone else is crazy and I am the only normal one. Almost enlightened. Obviously this causes problems and its then when i need help with reality.
Its noisy and repetative and demorlising...If you can imagine being called a murderer or evil or ugly 500 times a day and that you are being harmed by family members its a bit of a pain in the ass.

When I was 7 I was convinced that I was not part of this world. This was i supposed due to the massive amount of domestic violence that was happening around me. It was constant so I think that by being not of this world shielded me from the reality of what was going on around me.

At 13 I started hearing voices. i became very withdrawn from life but thought this was normal. My mum was still dealing with domestic abuse so didnt really notice that i was struggling.

This carried on until my early 20's when i could no longer stand the voices. I ended up in hospital for 6 months whilst they tried to understand what was going on.

On leaving hospital and getting divorced from my first wife i put everything in to work. Trying to desperatly ignore my symptoms i became a workoholic. I would even sleep in my car at work. I was always there.

This came crashing down in 2008 when my mind exploded. I was placed in a secure ward again and given a cocktail of meds to try and pull me down from the ceiling.

eventually and 3-5 more hospital admissions i am finally beggining to live my life.

I am classed as treatment resistive but now i have found a medication that really helps.
I am still mad as a box of frogs but I am in a position finally where I am happy (ish)

Going back to domestic abuse.
I will always give me time for anyone who has been through or witnnesed as a child domestic abuse. Its horrific it destroys people so badly it severly damages children yet the punishment for this crime is so pathetically stupid that i would spend more time in prison for pirating a DVD than destroying the lives mentally of my children and spouse.

It just does not make sense.
Domestic abuse is child abuse. Children that witness it are harmed and they carry this through there lives.

End of ramble.

Just looked up and seen my grammar. Sorry I would go back and correct it but to tired
I
Hello fazza, thank you for the informative description of living with schizophrenia. I can't imagine going through all that, I'd be terrified! And with domestic abuse going on too. Seems to me you're really strong and brave to get through all that, even being hospitalised. I'm relieved to read that you're doing better now and have found a treatment that is helping you.
Did you get any justice or closure in relation to the abuse you suffered as a child?
Thank you for writing that witnessing abuse is harmful to a child too. I needed to read that.
I feel guilty as I haven't reported any of the abuse yet and have the worry that the offenders may have targeted others too as well as me and my siblings. It's a horrible burden to carry and our faith and trust in people was damaged as well as mental health.
It becomes part of your identify. I personally was broken as a result of abuse and don't feel like I'm even the same person anymore but sometimes I have hope for a better future.

Thank you, wish you all the best.
 
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