Hi

[coconut]

hi i am 20 and have an extremly supportive partner and mum, but just cannot shift this black cloud.
Its frustrating and sad but overall pointless why is it their, i get angry from it all the time.
I cannot seem to clear my mind and when i do i see someone or something and think why should i be the way i am, what is it that makes erson deserves a better life than me.
My mum normally tells me they may have a house and children but you have a life and when you have cildren and your own house you will be proud bcos you paid for it, but wy should i work all the hours to let them have the life that i want.
I think its the worlds its crazy but it makes me soooo ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just want to be happy and to stop hurting people that love me.
I do have a good life but cant shift he fact that it could be better and as a reult keep making mistakes, then as soon as they have been made i refuse to return to the problem and at least help put it right. I cannot hold down a job as i get frustrated with the boring routine and snideness of colleagues. Yet i want to hold down a job, so i am able to pay my own way.
My mums paying for me to see someone again, but i feel hypocritical going as i amjust angry at the world and everything about it, yet it is not killing myselfmy loved ones with natural disasters.
I just need somewhere to vent my frustration.
Sorry
C

 

[Dollit]

Don't be sorry. It's a good idea to see someone and get to the root of your anger. Depression has often been described as anger turned inwards.

Keep on talking to people here. This is an understanding place and you're welcome to be here.

 

[blackdog]

Hi, Coconut and

 

[coconut]

Thanx i just get full of anger, to the point were i physically shake and scare myself and the people around me. I don't know what to do for the best i need to stand on my own two feet but then if i get angry i need the people i love around me to stop myself from turning violent, i always have managed to get to the loved ones for help but in return give them verbal abuse thta they dont deserve and need!
I feel really guilty after and then the anger re-appears and my emotions get carried away from the reality of the situation in which i currently should but still aint in. This reality of the loved ones foriving and forgetting all the hurtful things i say or do its not right they should not have to forgive i should not be doing it.
When i was younger my dad and i had a good relationship, not as strong as me and my mum but a strong one. My lil sis was daddy's girl and i was always for mum. But then my dad turned ill and although i had been struggling with depression for a while at thta point i was actually seeing some sort of light.
However this light did not render for long as one day me and my dad had a row and he blamed me for his heart problems, and later that month passed away with a fatal heart attack. I can still picture his face and i never got to say sorry or show him that i was not a selfish, hard hearted daughter and thta i really did love him.
I got councilling for my emotions at the time, and was prescribed anti - depressants but the anger and feelings i had been getting and where subsiding before this row are now fludding back and a few weeks ago whilst at work the panic attack of all panic attacks started. Somehow i got through it by myself, but i am scared i dont want to start taking it out on my loved ones again and put back into that situation i just want to get over it and live my life!!
Why is it so hard to want the 'normal' yet so easy to gain/regain the innevitable.

 

[Libra1]

Hi Coconut and to MHF

Sorry to hear you are suffering such mixed emotions at the moment, sending you a

Keep posting, and I am sure others will be along shortly with some suggestions/suport.