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idontwanna

idontwanna

Member
Joined
Mar 22, 2015
Messages
5
Hi all,

Just introducing myself. 40+ yo male, living on the East Coast of Australia. Always had self-confidence and depression issues since puberty at least (don't remember much before that). Not too sure how much to share or overshare here. So I'll start with a basic share.

Having a difficult time at the moment. Dad died 17 years ago when I was 23 and we didn't have the best relationship to start with ( hadn't really gotten over teenage hood issues I guess). For past 3 years was in high stress high workload job but have now semi moved on at least. However in December last year my mother passed away, then in January our dog passed on also.

Am youngest of a troop of children but don't feel particularly close to any of them and some of them I downright dislike. Am married but have difficulty talking about this stuff with my wife. She is very understanding and helps a lot but there are still times when I feel so alone.

There are days when I feel so lonely my chest hurts, days I am so down I start thinking not-so-happy thoughts. Can't handle any sort of criticism or conflict - not that I ever could very well but now the smallest thing sends me on a massive downward spiral. Not good in a professional context.

My wife says I talk too much when I'm with others (eg. in a social circumstance) so we never get away quickly but these are the times I feel happiest / most content I guess.

Did go to a psychiatrist for a while and what he did was prescribe some serotonin which I didn't notice too much difference but my wife says she did. Certainly didn't feel much better but maybe my moods were better. Since going off the tablets (few years ago now) have been trying to replace the serotonin with a daily banana and exercise but that doesn't seem to be doing it at the moment.

Never planned on having kids but ended up having a baby girl (now at university) however due to various decisions that were made over time she never lived with me (& my wife) after her mother and I split - not that I was ever painted in anything approaching any sort of good light. My ex kicked up some issues a few years ago when my daughter and I were going really well and our relationship never recovered after that. She doesn't speak to me except when she needs something, not even at my mothers funeral. A hug would have been nice. Think about her all the time but afraid to call her for fear of rejection (like she has done before).

Not sure how often I'll visit or if I've over shared to the point I am identifiable - hopefully no other family members or people I know on here.

I know I am not in a good place mentally at the moment so am gingerly dipping my feet in the water to see if I can dig my way out by expressing myself on this forum. Am terrified A) someone will recognise me or B) someone will say something that I will (mis)construe as negative and get burnt. Here's hoping that doesn't happen.
 
amathus

amathus

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 23, 2010
Messages
16,316
Location
goodness knows!
Hi and welcome to the forum!
We are a friendly and supportive community so I hope you will receive
some helpful advice.
(We take anonymity seriously on the forum so don't hesitate to pm an Admin/Mod if you have any concerns.)
 
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