• Welcome! It’s great to see you.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

Hi...

B

Bumblebee

Member
Joined
Apr 10, 2010
Messages
5
Hello,

I've half started a few posts in various parts in here but never get finished, so I figure I will just say "Hi" here and a bit about myself. I'm 25, with 2 little ones and one more on the way. Recently mental health wise I was diagnosed with PND after my second child (9 months ago) but after the anti-deps they put me on sent me a bit cuckoo (I stopped wanting to die and replaced it with a constant fear that I was going to die any second, sensed "things" crawling all round my house except for my front room where I had to stay until I ran out of the house - outside was the only place I felt safe) and on going back to the doctors I was told I would "get over it", I stopped taking them - felt *fantastic*, better than I have in my life like I was on a huge high and swore I'd never ever feel low ever ever again :redface:

Then a couple of days ago I hit rock bottom again, was seriously contemplating ending everything and dragged myself back to the doctors (I owe it to my kids, thank goodness I have them to live for). She was going to put me back on meds but after hearing what they did the last time decided against it and instead refered me to the perinatal mental health team... I'm automatically referred to them anyway when I fall pregnant due to my past problems (as a teen I was severely depressed and used to self harm with a few attempts on my life) but I guess they will be in contact sooner than they were? This was on Friday, and I haven't heard anything yet. I just want to be "better" *now*. :(

I've put off "sorting myself out" for a long time hoping I'll grow out of it or something, but I guess it's time to admit I need help, there's something wrong with me. Reading around on the forum I was surprised to strongly identify with some of the "psychosis" threads (I thought psychosis meant you ran around telling everyone the world was going to end)... And everyone has thoughts they don't control and feel like they are coming from "elsewhere"... Right? :innocent: It would be nice to get rid of some of my fears too, to be able to sleep with the cover off when its warm instead of thinking it's the only thing thats going to protect me from "them". Or to be able to make friends without feeling like they think I'm stupid and not worth talking to.

I guess I can "blame it on my genes" a little. My Dad killed himself when I was 2 and my Mum though undiagnosed has had hallucinations (both audio and visual) along with body dismorphyia (wishing she was my dad) and bouts of depression and possibly mania. My life experiences haven't been perfect either. Logically though I know that it's all in my head, I know that the things I think aren't true, I should be able to just "pull myself out of it" etc. But it doesn't stop the paralysing fear or the rock bottom lows where I just feel like everyone would be better off without me.

Sorry for the ramble. Just nice to get it out somewhere, and as I'm "undiagnosed" at the moment I'm not sure where I "fit in". That's a feeling I've lived with most of my life :p So... that's me... Hi :)
 
lulubelle

lulubelle

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 8, 2010
Messages
526
Location
London
:welcome: Bumblebee!

I am very new to this site also, I was diagnosed with Bipolar a few days ago and put on Seroquel.

I must say I have found this forum very helpful, it can be very lonely and isolating when you feel like the only person in the world who cant just "pull themselves together" and the rest of the world seem to just tell me to "get a cup of tea and calm down" :mad:- as far as I know tea has not cured anything yet!

I hope you feel better soon and get the right dianoses and treatment you need!

:hug:
 
M

maudikie

Guest
maudikie

Thanks - prpbably didn't look:redface: in the right place. :):redface:
 
amathus

amathus

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 23, 2010
Messages
16,317
Location
goodness knows!
Hi and :welcome: to the forum, hope you find some
help and support here.



meteos.
 
O

Over Heard

Guest
Hello Bumblebee

Wow you have alot going on in your life. Thanks for sharing so openly and honestly. I believe the best thing you can do right now is continue to push for the best medical help you can get. Your life history suggests that there is alot of stuff in the past that you could work through with the right therapist. Medications very alot with different side effects, I have found the best policy for myself is to be open and honest with my psychiatrist to enable them to gain the insight of who I am as a person. Trusting someone with your inner most thoughts and feelings is scary, I believe we can get a feeling of assurance when we connect with the right people who can help us move on in life. I was fortunate to have a really compasionate and empathetic pcychiatrist who never gave up on me no matter how far I slipped down the ladder of unwellness. I made a contract with myself that no matter what I would not take my own life because I had four daughters to live for. If I were to die by my own hand I would feel responsible for their hurt and misery and the fact that it could be a catalist for their own journey of mental unwellness.
I encourage you to stand strong and reach out to family,friends those that care about you as a person. The medication lifted my mood a little when I was in the depths of depression but it was my trust in people and interaction with those that cared about me that put me on the road to recovery. I have regained so much of my life back since those dark days of despair and I cotinue to believe that the more ground I recover and build upon the more stable I become.
I hope I have not raved on too much,I am a newbee to this forum as well.
Take care and continue to look forward with hope that your tomorrows will be better than your yesterdays.:flowers:
 
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maudikie

Guest
maudikie.

How old are your children? I think you and their welfare must come first. I don't like divorce, but at times it can be advisable. Ask your G.P. or C.P.N. if you have one. The whole business muxt be upsetting for your children as well as yourself, Think hard about it, and get some local advice. If not a divorce, perhaps a legal separation wo uld e the answer.
And have you had family planning advice. I wouldn't in your situation have any more children, and the Family Planning clinics are very helpful.They may have one at your G.P. surgery.
Take care.
 
B

Blondie

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 28, 2010
Messages
396
Location
Lancashire
Welcome Bumblebee:clap:Well you said it yourself hun,you need to do this for your kids sake.You grew up in a challenging emotional environment and look what it did to you love.Break the cycle so your kids grow up happy and healthy.
 
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