• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

Hi there... I don't know what my "diagnosis" is...

B

Brianright234

New member
Joined
May 20, 2019
Messages
3
Location
United Kingdom
Hi there,

Thought I would finally post something... I'm just generally and genuinely down about a lot of things these days.

Parenting (my ability to) - will my children love me when they/we are older or am I driving them away from me? I have a 6 year old daughter and 14 month old son.
Low self esteem
Anger issues and are they linked to some kind of anxiety?
Control issues...

I'll' try and elaborate more at some point.

But anyway hi (!)
 
Mario82

Mario82

Taking a break
Joined
Apr 4, 2020
Messages
3,774
Location
UK
Welcome to the forum, Brianright. Low self-esteem, anger issues are things I have and had in teh past, as well as impulse control issues, so can definitely relate. I don't have kids but I imagine it must be extra hard when you are responsible for wee ones as well as trying to look after your own mental health.
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
4,145
Location
Nashua NH
Hi Brianright welcome to the forums. xo, j :grouphug:
 
B

Brianright234

New member
Joined
May 20, 2019
Messages
3
Location
United Kingdom
Thanks for your responses... Sorry for the delay in getting back. We were dead in the middle of UK lockdown and I was relatively in a good place despite a lot of anxiety around Covid19. We had a consistent family (unit) life, myself, my partner and our two kids. No other input or contact with anyone really. I think that is where my issues come from and my current helplessness.

A lot of it stems from family issues.... When I met my partner must be 11 years ago and before our children we had an arm's length contact with our families - though my partner is very close to hers. Since our first child was born our contact with her family has been almost daily either in person or on the phone because of the close knit nature and geographical proximity. Over the years I have grown resentment to my in laws despite them being really lovely kind hearted people to the point where I don't know what to do anymore... I obviously recognise this and want to do something about it. I harbour feelings of jealousy towards my father in law because of the strong relationship my partner and he have and have a lot of insecurity about how my relationship with my own daughter will pan out. Sadly I feel completely control as a parent and father as my father in law, I wouldn't say controls what we do, but almost monopolises our free time though sanctioned and encouraged by my partner. I generally feel like I'm one of the children even though I'm supposed to father/patriarch myself.

When my first child was born.. my partner and I had our own little bubble for what seemed to be about 3 weeks and then it just turned into this weekly routine that over the past 6 years has ground me down where we just seemed to be engulfed by her family. I love my kids but before them I looked forward to our weekends together. Now I just dread them and it really has made me depressed. My partner's sister spends a lot of time with us as well.

It reads quite trivial what I am writing I guess but I don't think I have ever encountered any friends or acquaintances who have lives like this. I envy nuclear families who I see walking along i.e. 2 parents 2 kids.

My partner and I have had numerous falling outs over it where I have said something offensive or unkind about them and of course she is always kind to my family members which makes it worse for me.

I guess I feel this sense of jealousy, insecurity - that I don't have the adoration from my partner or my kids - that spending time with a grandparent or aunt will gradually make them drift away from me. Resentment/insecurity that I can't create memories with my children and that potentially their enduring memories will be their formative years where their grandfather was like a father figure. I work in the community and visited a middle aged client once - there was some toys in the corner of the room and she explained they were her grandson's - her husband was there too and of grand son she said "he's grandad mad". That is one of my biggest fears that my own children might have preference over another relative not including my partner and that is why I get so resentful and on edge when somebody has to or offers to look after my kids....

I really need help... Is this some kind of personality disorder; jealousy, resentment, insecurity?

So as you can imagine where we've been in lockdown we've had our own family life, no contact, done our own things but slowly as things go back to normal I'm getting more and more depressed and anxious about it. The only time I really feel secure is when we have a holiday or we do our thing. Or if my partner's father is not free... My demeanour changes completely.

What do I do?

Thanks for your concern.
 
B

Brianright234

New member
Joined
May 20, 2019
Messages
3
Location
United Kingdom
I sound like such a horrible person.... am I basically a misanthrope?
 
bpd2020

bpd2020

Well-known member
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
3,669
Location
England
I do not think you sound like a horrible person. I would struggle with this too. You and your partner are parents and it sounds like you want it to be a close unit. Having her family there every day will change that.
 
Top