• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

Hi - reluctant to be here but in need of advice.

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Enso

Member
Joined
Jun 19, 2008
Messages
7
Hi,

I have never been to a doctor or had any sort of diagnosis but I think I am unwell. I am hoping you could give some advice.

A few years ago I was round a friends flat when my thoughts, and I mean by this the normal internal dialogue we have in our mind. Went peculiar.

When we are thinking I guess we have a lot of internal dialog going on.

This particular day my mind began to feel strange and the thought 'I love you' got stuck in my mind.

I have no attraction to my friend what so ever. But this internal dialog was repeating over and over in my mind getting stronger and stronger. I felt like I was being compelled to say it out loud. All my other thoughts were being drowned in it.

I had to really fight not to say it and get it out of my head.

Something similar happened today whilst at work. My colleague was talking to me and it came back. Not as intense but it was there. And I quickly fought to suppress it.

It really disturbed me as I don't feel well at all during it.

Some other things have happened with my mind over the years too. But these are the worst episodes by far and I wonder if it will worsen.

I am wondering if it happened today because my dog died yesterday and I have been really upset.

I am developing a mental illness like schizophrenia, personality disorder or am I hearing voices?

I know you will all say go see your GP but I am not prepared to do that because if I tell him everything that has happened I might get sectioned. I am not willing to go down that route or take meds that will either turn me into a zombie or rot my insides.

I just want a few opinions based on your experiences and knowledge.
 
Aahbut

Aahbut

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 28, 2008
Messages
277
Location
Midlands
Hi Enso and welcome to the group. Our minds are full of tricks like these, and while I would not try and hazard a guess as to why it happens, the death of your dog could very likely be a part of it. We get closer to our pets than some of us like to admit. I know you are worried about seeing your GP, but believe me people on here have told GPs and psychiatrists far worse things and they didn't section us. You are rational so there is no way you could be sectioned.
 
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Apotheosis

Guest
All sounds pretty normal Enso -

I just wanted to ask if you had ever taken a street drug? Cannabis or anything. What you described reminded me of something similar, I used to get sometimes when I was stoned.
 
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Enso

Member
Joined
Jun 19, 2008
Messages
7
I smoked it pretty heavily from about 12 to 17 and then occasionally up to about 23. I am now 27.

Maybe the brain has some permanent damage?
 
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Apotheosis

Guest
I smoked it pretty heavily from about 12 to 17 and then occasionally up to about 23. I am now 27.

Maybe the brain has some permanent damage?
Our brains heal incredibly miraculously; I also smoked huge amounts of cannabis & took allot of drugs earlier in my life.
Were you stoned when the experience happened;

This particular day my mind began to feel strange and the thought 'I love you' got stuck in my mind.
If you were then I would think that explains it.
Drugs do have very individual effects on people - we all react differently. It takes a long time for cannabis to leave the system & certain psychological effects can be very long lasting. Do you still have the odd Joint now?

I found that even small amounts of occasional smoking can have profound effects on me. I stopped smoking it 7 years ago. In all that time I have smoked it only once - I slipped at the end of last Summer, & spent the day smoking some Skunk. It really affected me. I've been off it again since. It opens doors for me in my mind - Doors I don't want open.
 
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Enso

Member
Joined
Jun 19, 2008
Messages
7
I havent had one in years although a couple of weeks back i walked passed a flat and it stunk so I probably got several lung fulls.

I think probably best to lay off it altogether now.
 
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Apotheosis

Guest
I havent had one in years although a couple of weeks back i walked passed a flat and it stunk so I probably got several lung fulls.

I think probably best to lay off it altogether now.
Mind does have some very good info on stuff -

http://www.mind.org.uk/

Rethink have some good info as well.

I am not a Doctor. Cannabis can exasperate MH conditions, & it seems that there is some evidence that it can cause them, especially in heavy use in young people. Having said that; you have been years free of it. It sounds like you are coping well with things & that you can get through these experiences stronger. I think that you are wise in wanting to avoid meds.

I have found most help from chatting with other people, especially those who have touched on this stuff. Just getting identification can be very helpful. I can assure you that you are not alone in experiencing things which cause you to question the workings of your own mind. I would question the sanity of anyone who doesn't in fact. Especially in these days of high stress.

Do you try any meditation, exercise, good diet; all these things can be helpful. I find just slowing my breathing down, trying to eat good food & attempting healthy living helpful. Although I do take things easy, & there is room for allot of improvement. I try to look at simple things I can do to enjoy myself, it may be a book, a computer game, a film, a warm bath, anything I enjoy really. But chatting openly with people I find the best therapy.
 
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Dollit

Guest
We all have thoughts that go crazy sometimes. But smoking herbal doesn't help in the slightest. Lay off that big time and look at the stress in your life, it's probably stress related - my thoughts get louder when I get stressed.
 
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Enso

Member
Joined
Jun 19, 2008
Messages
7
You guys have been a really big help. Thanks.

I think it is stress related. I have a full time job and run a business as well. My dog died yesterday and I think all of that messed my mind up quite a bit.

I think what I need to do is shut down the business and focus on getting a better work-life balance. Its a shame as I really like the money but I think I am stretching myself too far perhaps.

I could go on running it, but these could be the early signs of a full scale meltdown. Which I really need to avoid.

I think slowing things down and taking things easy is the way to go. Get through the day job and have the evenings for more enjoyable stuff. At the moment I am working on the business every evening and most weekends.

Do you know if there is an organisation that can send people out to talk to people with mental health about coping? I work in a hostel and we have lots of mental health residents that really need help from people who are coping well with the same issues.
 
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Dollit

Guest
Glad we could help Enso.

Re your speaker - where in the country are you?
 
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Enso

Member
Joined
Jun 19, 2008
Messages
7
"Re your speaker - where in the country are you?"

Prefer to remain anonymous :)
 
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Dollit

Guest
I'm sure you do but speakers tend to be localised and it's not easy to point you in a direction if I don't know where you are! You can pm me if you want. And I understand more about confidentiality than the average person.
 
Fedup

Fedup

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 18, 2007
Messages
1,937
Hello and :welcome: to MHF
 
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Enso

Member
Joined
Jun 19, 2008
Messages
7
Hi,

I live in cambridgeshire.

It happened again at work today about 2 times and something else was said but I cant remember. It wasn't as bad as yesterday though.

What concerns me is that I have been referring to what has been happening as 'they' although it only seems like stuck thoughts I cant change.

I have also been twitching in various parts of my body recently and wondered if that had anything to do with it? My eyelid has been on and off twiching for a couple of months I guess and I have also had it it my arm and my nose! Maybe its completley unrelated but thought I should include it.
 
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Dollit

Guest
Tics can be an indicator of stress also. Thanks for letting me know where you are I'll do some digging for you though it may be a few days as I can't speak to my contact until Monday.
 
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