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lucid scream

lucid scream

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Joined
Jan 22, 2008
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672
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heyhey, I'm new here and thought I would introduce myself. My reason for joining is I'm a 37y/o male who was originally diagnosed with schizophrenia (5 yrs ago) but 3 yrs ago my condition was re-diagnosed as bi-polar disorder with anxiety and psychotic features. I hear voices, and have perceptual hallucinations, like I'll se a green car but remember it as blue, or I'll se a tree one time and the next time the tree will be in a different place. I take seroquel, lamictal and ambien daily. I also take norvasc for hypertension and norco for my arthritic back. I have a lovely wife who does'nt really understand, but she stands by my side regardless. And I have two beautiful daughters, ages 5 and 4. That is my life.
I'll look around. Thanks for these forums, I hope to benefit by being here and getting to know y'all .
 
Fedup

Fedup

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Dec 18, 2007
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1,937
Hello and :welcome:
Hope you like it here :)

* wonders if i'm a person or others * :LOL:
 
D

Dollit

Guest
Hi Lucid Scream - nice to have you hear. I'm also bipolar. This is a great place and plenty to do. I see you're from Akron - home of AA! :tea:
 
lucid scream

lucid scream

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 22, 2008
Messages
672
Location
Looking down from the bridge
Thanks guys.
Fedup, I don't know which you are either, just wanted to make sure I covered everyone.:LOL:

Yep, birthplace of AA. Which reminds me I have my share of addictions as well. Methamphetamine was'nt a huge one for me to break, nor was alcohol.
Opiates, on the other hand.....................so it goes.:oops:
 
Rorschach

Rorschach

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Dec 19, 2007
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Welcome Lucid. I'll wager you have lots of interesting stories and insights and will look foward to hearing about them.

:welcome:
 
Rorschach

Rorschach

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Actually just read you intro again. Not that our diagnosis are the same but I also have been diagnosed with schizophrenia with affective (bi-polar) disorder, or schizoaffective. I was chatting with a Psych Prof. the other day and we briefly touched upon my periods of psychosis (it was actually an interview for a Masters course so my 'illness' wasn't that relevant). I was wondering have you experienced more that one type of psychosis? I think I can clearly differentiate between schizophrenic pyschosis and those relating to bi-polar mania, wondered if you had a similar experience...
 
lucid scream

lucid scream

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 22, 2008
Messages
672
Location
Looking down from the bridge
I mostly have auditory hallucinations. Also, anytime something bad happens, I always think, for a little while, at least, that it is the result of someone 'messing with me', delusional, they say. Like if my car breaks down (the most recent) I will swear someone did something to it over night. If I hear whats probably squirrels in the attic, I will go up there expecting to catch a person. I often think my house has been bugged. I spent about 3 years of my young adult years fully believing that I was the only human left on earth, everyone else had been replaced by robots, like I was part of some grand expirement to see how much crap a person could take. Delusions make up a good deal of my psychosis. So they say, how can I really know my delusions arent real, when they center around the whole world duping me?
I also sometimes have visual hallucinations, mostly what you call 'fps', images just on the edge of my sight that flit away before I can focus on them. Sometimes it looks like the paint is sliding off the wall, much like an acid trip. I used LSD heavily between 16-22, with the last few years being almost daily, so I think some of that is residual.
Then there is the taste and smell hallucinations. Last night we ordered out to eat, and I swear the spaghetti tasted like there was dishsoap in it, but we all ate it and no one else noticed it. I used to get horrible migraines, and the taste and smell thing was part of the aura, but I havent had a true migraine in 2 years.
 
Rorschach

Rorschach

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 19, 2007
Messages
1,149
Location
W2
I mostly have auditory hallucinations. Also, anytime something bad happens, I always think, for a little while, at least, that it is the result of someone 'messing with me', delusional, they say. Like if my car breaks down (the most recent) I will swear someone did something to it over night. If I hear whats probably squirrels in the attic, I will go up there expecting to catch a person. I often think my house has been bugged. I spent about 3 years of my young adult years fully believing that I was the only human left on earth, everyone else had been replaced by robots, like I was part of some grand expirement to see how much crap a person could take. Delusions make up a good deal of my psychosis. So they say, how can I really know my delusions arent real, when they center around the whole world duping me?
I also sometimes have visual hallucinations, mostly what you call 'fps', images just on the edge of my sight that flit away before I can focus on them. Sometimes it looks like the paint is sliding off the wall, much like an acid trip. I used LSD heavily between 16-22, with the last few years being almost daily, so I think some of that is residual.
Then there is the taste and smell hallucinations. Last night we ordered out to eat, and I swear the spaghetti tasted like there was dishsoap in it, but we all ate it and no one else noticed it. I used to get horrible migraines, and the taste and smell thing was part of the aura, but I havent had a true migraine in 2 years.
As to migraines!!!! Ouch, I've only ever had one and it involved me being bent double as if half the side of my head had been chiselled off resulting in me being physically sick...it was horrible!!!!!!

As to things perceived by the brain, I have no doubt now (for me in any case) that many of the perceptions that presented were as a result of bleed between levels of consciousness, i.e. things that regularly go on in the subconscious and preconscious being perceived in the conscious mind. I am of the opinion that neurotransmitters (i.e Serotonin, Dopamine etc) and the agonists that replicate them (LSD/MDMA, Cocaine/Amphetamine) blur the boundaries that may be considered normal. I actually think my mind was giving visual and audible representations to subconscious triggers i.e. body language, language proper, social relationships, anti-social behaviour, fears of rejection, marginalisation, alienation, isolation, etcetera. To my mind its not actually important about the objective truth, as when you are living through it is as real as anything else. I guess the knack is finding someway to integrate new perceptions in a way that is not distressing or disturbing; I'm not saying that that is any easy task. If delusions are in part triggered by external stimuli, while at the same time being and internal and perceptual process, then having a grasp how these separate actions interrelate and the gradient of realities might help to negotiate a path forward?

I can give you a solid example if you want regarding my social network some years ago, my paranoia at the time, the probable realities, and the reality ten years post...
 
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